Roommates

mkmistretta · December 2011

I found out last night that my two best friends do not want to live with me next year. I currently live with one of them now and we have not had any issues more than just oops we both bought eggs or i'm going to go to bed so can you move out the living room. I was really hurt because I thought things were going so well. I don't know their reasoning yet. They told me that they loved me and it had nothing to do with our friendship and that it had to do with timing and living together.
I have had a lot of bad friendships in the past, but I have become very close with these two girls. We had talked about living together for this year, but one of them decided to become an RA for the year. I have opened up a lot to them. It's really difficult for me to separate friendship from roommates when I currently live with one of them and I thought everything was great.
I can't think of a reason aside from my SO and the fact that I will be wedding planning soon. They both love him though and we told me roommate to just let me or us know if there was ever an issue. He comes for dinner about twice a week and sometimes also comes over a third time. We try to split our time between places and locations (as I live on the north end of chicago and he is downtown).
Has anyone ever had this issue before?

BunnyChii · December 2011

I hardly think it has anything to do with your wedding, especially considering that it's over 2 years away. You don't need to do any wedding planning soon.

Anyway, you say you don't know the reason but they say that they want to be friends, but not roommates. I understand how it would be upsetting to hear that they don't want to continue living with you, but honestly, I can see how living with a friend, no matter how good they may be, could get a little tiring after a while. Even if you guys were great as roommates, there's nothing wrong with wanting a change.

Also, don't be so dramatic about it. You act like they just said they don't like you anymore - on the contrary, they said they love you and want to be friends! It's sucks that they're not interested in being roommates any longer, but suck it up, find some new roommates, and hang out with your friends other times.

If you really want to talk to them about it, go ahead. But try not to accuse them of anything and don't say that you think it's because of your wedding.

Good luck.

Beads921 · December 2011

Ya, I seriously doubt this has anything to do with your wedding. It *could* have to do with your FI being over - I know my roommates hated when FI (BF at the time) came over, but never said anything until they blew up on me one day. Not saying that's the case, just saying I've been there.

Sometimes living with your friends can be much harder than living with strangers. There are probably some underlying problems that no one wants to bring up, for fear of feelings getting hurt. With strangers, feelings don't matter.

I think you're probably blowing this out of proportion. They didn't disown you, they just asked for a different living situation, which might be best for everyone involved.

mkmistretta · December 2011

Wll the thing is that they want to live together, just without me. I haven't been dramatic about it at all. I've been very careful to not be. I know we are going to talk about it soon. I've had roommate issues in the past, granted thet girl I was living with openly admitted she needed medication and had issues but she never got any help.

FaithCaitlin · December 2011

I'd be hurt too. Honestly, just keep your cool and see what they have to say. Try to see everything from their point of view (whatever it is) and do your best to just move along. It hurts and it stinks but hopefully everything will work out for the best.

toothpastechica · December 2011

to be honest....after years of having roomates...i have discouvered that i dont like having my close friends as roommates...its too hard to tell them whats buggin me without it impacting our friendship....one of my best friends had a horrible roommate, so i offered that she come live with me for a while...and while everything was "good" there were a lot of things due to schedule, inviting people over, how late someone watches movies, who did (or didnt) do the dishes...and they were never talked about, sadly by the end of our time as roommates we were hardly talking because we didnt want to hurt eachothers feelings and deal with the issues...its much easier to deal with roommate issues when you are not as involved as friends. Also i had another roommate who i just couldnt live with at all...and after she moved out...we became best friends! So since those 2 instances, i have personally decided that A. i need my space and try and not have roommate period...and B. if i must have a roommate it will not be someone i consider a good friend. Thankfully i wont have any more roommates other then FI from now on!

faith415 · December 2011

I had this exact same thing happen to me twice. Both times it seemed to come out of the blue and was very hurtful. If you want to maintain your friendships with these people, then the worst thing that you could do was get upset with them over it. I would listen to them when they talk to you about it, but I really don't believe that it has anything to do with you. Both times, my friends moved out it had everything to do with things that they wanted for themselves. I'm sorry you have to go through this! On the plus side, at least they told you now! My first roommate told us she was moving out two days before she left!

mkmistretta · December 2011

Thanks everyone. I talked to them both today. I mainly have talked to the one that I do not currently live with today. Basically she thinks that the state of mine and my SO's relationship could cause some issues. Whether it be just how often he is over or how often I'm home to purely the fact of how much a priority he is in my life. She loves him though and thinks that our relationship should be there and doesn't think or want us to change anything, she just doesn't want to live with me. She said that she just thinks that she needs space and she thinks that my current roommate, her, and one of her current roommates would mesh really well together. I am still hurt/upset but now I know why. Its a lot harder because I didn't see it coming. I think I have done a good job of not making a huge deal out of it or anything and just being calm and not getting mad at them.
I don't want to make her or anyone else feel uncomfortable and having a roommate that gets along with SO is a big deal to me bc of the state of our relationship. Its not just a we are dating and we'll see what happens like the typical college relationship.
So it's just a struggle for me now to figure out who I will live with next year and adjust to knowing that I won't be living with my current rommate next year who I love dearly. I still need to talk to her more to see if I need to change anything, since to my knowledge we haven't had issues. However, since we will be living together till May and then we won't I don't want anything to be awkward because she is one of my best friends. I'm worried about who I am going to live with now because most of my friends I either know I could not stand to live with or I'm concerned about bringing it up because we are not good friends. And I really would rather not live alone considering I live in Chicago and I enjoy alone time but just not too mmuch of it.

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