FI and I don't agree...

scrpio421 · May 2011

So I thought I was lucky to have a very involved groom. He wants to help and be part of all the decisions. This should be wonderful right? Well we can't agree on invitations, venue...he even doesn't like the bridesmaid dresses. He likes things I feel are a little dated. I have always envisioned a certain elegant look for the wedding. Any ideas???

Arez16 · May 2011

You need to have a discussion with him. Make a list of things you feel you can compromise on, and things you won't. For instance, I don't think FI's really should have a say i n BM dresses, that should be between you and you BMs.

Does he understand your vision? Discuss each other's visions, tell him what you like and don't like about his vision and have him do the same for yours. Find area's where you don't mind giving up control and let him run with it. Hopefully, he can do the same for you. And in the other area's you are going to have to compromise and met some where in the middle.

What does he like that you feel is dated?

Hope this helps!

scrpio421 · May 2011

He's on board with a formal elegant wedding, but then he then wants a glass vase with water and like two floating candles. Personally, I think it's dated and not even close to what I'm looking for. He liked these BM dresses with ruffle bottoms. I hate them plus my BMs would kill me if I put them in something like that. Even the Tux he mentioned maybe getting the suit with the long tails in the back (that he wore for a friend's wedding). So how do I not come off as a control freak? Because I'm afraid to reliquish control on any one part because we might end up with floating candles or a balloon archway (that part I'm kidding on).
Don't get me wrong, he's an AMAZING guy and I adore him and we agree on everything else in life...just not style and design.

Arez16 · May 2011

Hmmm, I did not have this problem with my DH haha He didn't care about about too much in the panning stages. Just the money haha

Like I said before, think of little things that you can give him complete control over (maybe picking apps, or the cake flavor/design, etc). As far as his attire....you get to chose yours, so I think it's only fair he chooses his (within reason of course, don't want him looking like a fool.

Show him pictures of the things you want. As him what he is willing to compromise on. I'm sure it also depends on your budget. Does he want floating candles because they are cheaper than flowers? Show him cheaper options.

I would just have a heart to heart with him, while both of you are getting married, I'm sure he hasn't been envisioning his wedding since he was much younger.

Sorry I can't be of more help, my DH was very easy to deal with!

FireDancer04 · May 2011

When is your wedding? Do you have a venue yet? Do you have a florist?

You could relinquish control over the tuxes if he'll let you pick out the center pieces.

Planning a wedding is a lot of compromise, much like planning a marriage is. It's a lot of given and take.

When he comes up with a crazy idea, say thank you for your idea, but lets find something that we both can agree on.

There will be things that you don't want his input on, like your bridesmaid dresses and it's okay to say Thanks but that my task.

Also use the check list and you can divvy up the tasks. IE - He gets to plan the meetings with DJs and you can plan the meetings with photographers. But make sure you both agree on who to go with.

DrPB2b13 · May 2011

I made a list of my priorities - the things with my wedding that are of utmost importance to me. I don't quite have the problem you're having, but I knew that with the wedding we're planning and the bduget I have, I was going to have to pick and choose what I could have and what I'd have to compromise on.

I recommend you AND your FI each do the same. If you each have different "must-haves" then it's an easy compromise - you get your necessities, he gets his, and you both get what you want. Obviously if things like design of centerpieces is equally important for both of you, you're going to have to have a major discussion about that.

Ultimately, this is going to be a lot like marriage - and life, for that matter. You need to pick and choose your battles according to what is truly important and what you view to be a trivial detail.

Good luck to you! I'm sure you'll both come up with a great compromise

mariegra · May 2011

The biggest things that FI wanted to have a say in were the food, music, and HM. Other than that, he really wasn't so picky...although he did go for the florist and videographer meetings.

I suggest you divide up some of the things and give him the first choice on those items....then when the two of you come together, you can see if it all fits and make some modifications. Since it seems like he really wants to be involved....you need to let him...at least on some things. (But not BM dresses...I agree).

scrpio421 · May 2011

Thanks so much! I did have a heart to heart with him, and was able to figure out that the important things to him are the venue, food, photographer and DJ. Ok, I can work with that, those are all decision I expect him to have alot of say with.

And we found our venue yesterday! We are going with the Harris Pelham Inn in Pelham, NH!

FI and I don't agree...

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