I'm losing my MIND!

Re: I'm losing my MIND!

• AllAboutTheBenjamin member

  

  July 2010

  Tequila.
  
  Haha, not really.  But seriously?  Ignore her.  You can thank her for her input and tell her you'll think about it or just not talk wedding with her at all.
  
  Or you can smack a bitch.
  

  

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• NillaWafer10 member

  

  July 2010

  She is probably having a difficult time adjusting to the fact that her little boy is getting married.  I'm the type of person that kills them with kindness, so that would be my advice.  Tell her that you appreciate her input, and you hope that she will continue to help with the planning process.  She might also appreciate a specific task to help with.  Maybe she is really crafty and can make programs?  Keeping her busy might keep her comments in check.
  

  

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• jlmeier5

  

  July 2010

  shake it off man! shes not u and thats why your FI loves you so keep being you and take her with a grain of salt!

  Jake's future Wifey
  

  
  graphics & comments | Team Jacob Graphics |
  

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• kpwedkk member

  

  July 2010

  This sounds just like Jane Fonda in Monster-In-Law (the movie).  Rent it, watch it, and laugh it off.  Realize that FMIL is getting used to the fact that she's having a daughter-in-law with zero experience.  All she knows is her son, and she can't cope

  
  "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  

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• HKD817

  

  July 2010

  I'm not sure what the best way to tackle this would be because you do have to spend the rest of your life with her around, and you do not want to cause a rift between you and your FH over his mother. I'm very grateful that my MIL and I are like best friends. We have a great relationship. Good Luck

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• BeeBee22 member

  

  July 2010 edited July 2010

  I don't know if it will help, but I have a friend with a mom like this. The mom is very passive-aggressive, so she'll do the comments-the-laugh-it-off thing.  

  
  

  My friend has learned to handle it by pretending to take her comments literally, and genuinely keeping after mom to explain exactly what she meant:

   

  Mom: What did you do to your hair?

  Friend: What are you saying? 

  Mom: (Laughs) I didn't mean anything!

  Friend (calmly, nicely): You meant something, What were you saying? (wait for her next comment)

  
  

  At this point, the mom will sometimes backpedal, or accuse friend of being over sensitive, or she'll change the subject.  If she accuses Friend of being oversensitive, friend just repeats: "I just wanted to know what you wanted to say"

  
  

  [It's important not to put words in mom's mouth, like "Why? Do you hate it?" even if that's what her tone implies, because then she's off to the races "I didn't say that!", passive-aggressive drama escalation]

  
  

  Friend is working with what the idea you put in your post, "If she wants to say something...".  By appearing to be genuinely curious, she forces mom to admit (even to herself) what mom's really saying.  Which usually turns out to be something petty and stupid, so mom backs off.  If its not something petty or stupid, by actually addressing a topic they have a chance to have an actual adult conversation about something.

  
  

  Over time, if you calmly keep presenting her with a logical reaction to her BS, instead of letting it trigger you (which is what it's designed to do), the logical reaction can make her uncomfortable, and she realizes that her comments are hollow, and she does it less often.

  
  

  She's trying to trigger you, and if it doesn't work, but you're not hostile or nasty to her about it, it's just not as fun for her, so it happens less (this entire process could be unconscious to her, which is why getting mad at her doesn't help anyway).  I don't know your FMIL, so I can't say whether this will work, but it might be worth a try.  Good luck!

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