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July 2012 Weddings
colleenm18
member
Feeling Guilty
So my bridesmaids are throwing me a bridal shower which I am so excited and greatful for! My sister (MOH) asked me for a guest list the other day so i sent her one over, which is a little large, 75 people. I expalined to her that not everyone needs to be invited and that I can make cuts she just needs to tell me a limit. She said ok I will let you know.
So this weekend my sister brough up the shower list to me again, nothing about what i sent her just that she had checked in with FSMIL to make sure i provided the right info for everyone. As I said I made sure to let her know I could make cuts i just needed to know but she told me everything was fun.
Anyway now i just feel guilty. 75 people is big, and I know not everyone will show but still even 60 is big! And I just feel guilty that my BM are paying for all of this. Anyone else having BM guilt hahah?
So this weekend my sister brough up the shower list to me again, nothing about what i sent her just that she had checked in with FSMIL to make sure i provided the right info for everyone. As I said I made sure to let her know I could make cuts i just needed to know but she told me everything was fun.
Anyway now i just feel guilty. 75 people is big, and I know not everyone will show but still even 60 is big! And I just feel guilty that my BM are paying for all of this. Anyone else having BM guilt hahah?
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Re: Feeling Guilty
I'm having major issues right now about my FMIL attending the shower, actually. This is somewhat of a vent, so it may not be very clear.
She's coming but leaving early for "mom time" with her daughters who 1) she sees every month if not more than once a month, and 2) are two of my BMs, which means they wil be leaving early too. Aside from the fact that she's going to have to fly into NYC, then rent a car, then drive 3 hours, then stay for an hour?, and then drive 3 hours back to NYC, when she's not flying home until Sunday evening anyway. She could take the train back on Sunday morning like the rest of the people who are attending and not have to drive or leave early. We really, really get along, so I know that's not the issue. Why won't she just stay over with the rest of everyone else? Can somene explain this to me? It makes zero sense to me and it hurts my feelings.
Like pp said I feel as long as I offered to cut the list that it is up to my sister and BM what they want to do. So we will see!
But on a side note, and please tell me if I am wrong I really think that you should invite all the women that are invited to the wedding. I feel that I get invited to all the showers for the weddings we go to w/ few exception. And I can tell you that those few exceptions I kinda feel a little slighted by NOT being invited. Like my I was a 2nd choice guest or something. As if they got the RSVP's back and THEN invited me or something.
Am I wrong? should you not invite all women? I guess sometimes the things that I think are right aren't so I am just checking on what's normal
[QUOTE]bridetobe....i don't get it. how long is your bridal shower? like all day long or something? why else would FMIL need to "leave early" and take two of your bridesmaids away from you? i would be PISSED if i were you....i mean, surely your shower isn't more than a few hours long, right? surely she could still take the two girls to dinner or do whatever it is that she wants to do after your shower is over....
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]
The shower is 3 hours long, from 3-6, but since it's 3 hours from NYC at the beach, most (if not everyone) is staying overnight. That's part of the fun. Even if she didn't want to stay over, why does she need to leave early? Coudln't she drive back just as easily at e.g. 630pm? Also, since there isn't a train, she's making this realy hard on herself. She's going to have to fly, then rent a car, then drive 3 hours, then drive 3 hours back. Why would she even bother coming if she's going to leave early? I guess that's what I don't understand.
And TBH I'm more angry she's taking away her daughters (2 of the BMs) because I really wanted to spend time with them since they won't be attending the bach party and they don't know any of the other bridesmaids or any of my friends.
Edit: Staying overnight at our house, which is free. Other people with family/obligations/work etc. will not be staying, of course, but she has none of those issues.
[QUOTE]Oh my gosh! I am struggling to get to 20 on my guest list! My Mom wants to throw a shower for me though this was only after she heard that another friend wanted to plan one for me. I was asked for a guest list and I just feel weird about asking people to come and give a second gift.
Posted by penny12986[/QUOTE]
I'm with you. I think I'll have about 10 people at the one my mom throws - and maybe fifteen at the one my friend has for me.
[QUOTE]aynos i think that totally depends on the size of the wedding and how close you are to the bride. when i am invited as my fiance's guest to a wedding, i do NOT get invited to the shower (and do not expect to be invited). we are inviting 260 people to our wedding, and i only plan to invite family and very, very close friends to the shower. i think this is something that is looked at differently in different areas of the country, though. i would never consider inviting every woman that is being invited to my wedding to me shower, though - they wouldn't even fit in one house!
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. Our guest list is up to 225 people. I wanted my shower to be just my family and closest friends my list is 60 with just that. If I invited every single woman invited to the wedding to my shower it would be like a 2nd wedding. Plus you need to take into consideration the people paying for the shower.