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September 2012 Weddings
Super long post...I'm sorry. I'm just so fed up!! :o(
I have been struggling with some friendships I lost lately. I wish I wasn't struggling with it, but I just get so upset still...anyways, here's the rub.
In early December, some of our good friends stabbed us in the back. It's really complicated what happened, but basically my FIs best friend from childhhood, along with his new husband decided to have a sort of "intervention" with me, along with one of my best friends. They said that they had been getting annoyed at us for not reciprocating spending money on them like they do on us. I won't go into details, but new husband complained after offering to pay for my hair and make-up. He kept pushing his way into being my maid of honor (he was already a bm and I had decided not to choose a MOH). He said that we were just waiting to have money spent on us. I never asked him to pay for my hair and makeup, in fact, I refused it at first because I have a good friend I wanted to do my hair and make-up. He kept insisting, so I gave in. Anyways, things like this were his beef. So, he set up a meeting with just me at his house with FIs best friend and my best friend. I did not want to go because I felt like I was walking into a bad situation without FI, but I had hopes to resolve things.
Unfortunately, things only went downhill. All three of them started to tell me they thought I deserved better than FI, that FI is lieing to me, that FI is an asshole, etc. etc. I was quite confused because here was FIs best friend since childhood supporting his new husband in ripping my FI a new one. AND these are people that have only sung the praises of our relationship together! Next, FIs best friend started chiming in and telling me false information about FI. He accused my FI of keeping secrets from me in regards to things I won't mention and proceeded to call FIs x-wife, whom they had always claimed was a bitch, and ask her if she knew about it.
I know this is confusing to read, but, needless to say, I was a wreck. I didn't know who to believe or what to think. FIs best friend and his husband, along with my best friend, all told me they could find me someone way better right away and they encouraged me to move in with them right away. I mean, they told me health-threatening things! I was scared out of my mind. I confronted my FI right away about it all. I found out that it was all a lie, well, it was information they had given me from something my FI had apparently told his best friend close to 7 years ago, before his marriage to his ex and before I ever met him. So...
First of all, I was pretty pissed to find out that FIs best friend threw FI under the bus without him even being there AND on information he had never actually confirmed with FI. The information was not true, in fact. ALSO, I could care less what happened to FI before he met me. In fact, some things I would rather NOT know. There's no point. In my mind, all it causes is heartache and frustration that's unnecessary.
Anyway, all of that to say that FI and I are no longer friends with them anymore. It's been very difficult for FI especially because he feels like his best friend back stabbed him. He has never done anything of the sort to FI before, so this behaviour is very strange and leads us to believe it's the influence of the new husband that led him to behave in such a manner.
So, we've unfriended these three, including some of their family that took sides right away with them. I couldn't handle watching my best friend have so much fun and such with FIs best friend and new husband when we are the ones that introduced them six months ago, and they don't even bat an eye at what they tried to do. These are also grown people in their 30's...It really pisses us off.
Now, my issue is that there are certain friends that have been close with those three that we met as well and wanted to invite to the wedding. One of the girls is super nice and has continued to be my friend and comment on my statuses, etc. I am surprised she hasn't unfriended me yet since she is so close with my old best friend. It makes me feel sooo awkward. What do I do? I feel like I need to forget it and just not invite her even though she's super nice. On the other hand, I'd like to tell her why we're not inviting her. I feel like I'm in such a tight spot and it's not even because of something FI or I did. It's so frustrating and I just don't know what to do anymore. It makes me sick to think that these so called friends behaved this way...and now we are confused about who to invite and who not to invite.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Super long post...I'm sorry. I'm just so fed up!! :o(
Fred and Ginger Are Getting Married
*Updated 5.08.12
[QUOTE]I'll tackle the easy thing first. Don't let what happened affect your friendships with people who weren't involved. Go ahead and invite your other friends.
Posted by jessa1228[/QUOTE]
<div>Well said and I couldn't agree more. </div><div>
</div><div>This is just a horrible situation all around, but it also sounds like you and the FI miss these friends even though terrible things have been done/said. :( I know the feeling. Do you think you'll ever be able to be friends with them again after this? Could you envision any situation where this could be worked out? </div>
Maybe your FI did something to them and they were pissed. Maybe they're just jealous of something? Maybe there's something your FI isn't telling you.
Either way, your invites don't need to go out until 3 months prior,(even that's early if you sent STD's), so you have 4ish months to worry about addressing envelopes. See how the friendships pan out between now and then and make your decisions then.
Fred and Ginger Are Getting Married
*Updated 5.08.12
And if someone shiits on you and doesn't even try to make up/apologize, then it's all on them. I wouldn't be the one trying to fix it....
And 50 years down the road when you and FI are still together and happy and they are all miserable, just kick back your heels, smile and relax cause you did it right and didn't have to prove anything.
This entire situation sucks. Although, I am jaded, and I would block some of the posts that you write. My reasoning is I'm not sure if I would trust the other girl that is still friends with you old best friend. I speak from experience when I say that the other three could be finding out about your life through her facebook.
I agree with OP though, if you really do want to be friends with this girl and feel her out then I would say have a little get together with her and see what comes out of it. I wouldn't bring up the situation though if you do end up hanging out and dont question her friendships with the others.
Fred and Ginger Are Getting Married
*Updated 5.08.12
[QUOTE]Definitely consider inviting the not-involved girl... maybe invite her to a girls night or something between now and invites just to see the vibe she gives you??? And if someone shiits on you and doesn't even try to make up/apologize, then it's all on them. I wouldn't be the one trying to fix it.... And 50 years down the road when you and FI are still together and happy and they are all miserable, just kick back your heels, smile and relax cause you did it right and didn't have to prove anything.
Posted by caterpillar85[/QUOTE]
<div>I wish I could like this post, caterpillar! lol Thank you! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>
Fred and Ginger Are Getting Married
*Updated 5.08.12
[QUOTE] I think if you become paranoid that everyone affiliated with evil people is evil too, it will turn you cynical. At this point, you and FI probably have a more open/honest relationship about these topics AND you know your relationship can endure, so what really could she even do to hurt you if her intentions are impure. And, if she is funneling information back to the 3, so what??? All they get to hear is how awesome your wedding was and how gorgeous you looked and how happy you two are and they missed out because they SUCK!
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]
<div>This is a very good point, volleygurl. Thanks for putting things into perspective. I've been having nightmares in regards to this situation because sometimes I miss the fun times I had with those 3...but I feel taken advantage of. FI seems to think that they also made financial promises to us they couldn't keep and thus tried to get out of it without ruining their reputation. He also thinks that the new husband must have waited to be married to FIs best friend because this literally happened three days after they got married. (It was a civil ceremony they didn't invite anyone to since gay marriage has just been legalized recently. They decided to have a huge ceremony and event around the same time we are having our wedding). That way FIs best friend would have to feel more loyalty to him or something. Who knows! </div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, thank you so much, ladies, for encouraging me and supporting me! It's hard to vent about these things because you never know what kind of reaction you'll get on the boards. I am grateful I could vent about this without getting flamed! I love you all!! Go team September! lol <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>
Fred and Ginger Are Getting Married
*Updated 5.08.12