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Help! I don't know where to start

shatima777shatima777 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Gay Weddings
Hello Family,
First of all Im Shatima,and Im so happy I have some where I can come and talk to others without being judge. As the Sub line says, I dont know where to start. My honey is the type that leaves stuff up to me (im the looker uper) Im sure Im not the onlu one.. SO i was thinking this is about us, No show boating, No going in to debt tring to do a KIm K wedding.. I really just want to go to NY and get married and then come back home to VA and do a Reception her for the folks that can't come..

My questions are.. I kow I would have to go to the Clerks off o gt my paper work ($35) And then wait for 24 hours(if i want) But if I want tp do a little ceremony that doesnt cost alot where should I go, Who can I call to help me.

Oh and what have/are you and ur partner doing. A
domestic partnership
civil union
or the Just Same Sex Marraige

What is the difference between these . Since I live in the Commenwealth I know We want be recognice here but a name change,taxes,insurance, paper work?????? Please don't think im crazy, I just dont know were to start, It's just so different( being Im in love with another women) you know what im saying..

Any and all help would be wonderful.. I wish everyone happiness and love. We MUST stick together. There are enough haters out there all ready. Kiss

Thank You,
Tima
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Re: Help! I don't know where to start

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    chrmunchrmun member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A) Breathe
    2) Congratulations

    Furthermore)  The good news is that you can do what ever you want.  Aside from the whole "you can't get married in Virginia" part, I mean.  Other than that, the world is your oyster.  Honestly, I have no info on NY weddings, but I have no doubt someone here does.  In terms of your reception in VA, I'd start with venues first.  (Decide how many people you want, then find a venue that works for that.)  I find that I use TK pretty much for the community.  In terms of wedding planning and ideas, however, it's a little over the top for me.  Here are some resources I'd suggest:

    apracticalwedding.com
    soyoureengayged.com (They have a good listing of LGBT friendly vendors.)

    Also, make sure to check out your local board on here.  I promise they're not going to give you shiit for being gay.   Look into the June, 2012 board, too.  The ladies over there are nice.

    And, keep breathing.
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations!

    As far as the difference between marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships, anything other than a marriage basically applies only in the state in which it happens.  Marriage, even if it isn't currently recognized in your state, will be retroactively recognized a) if you ever move to a state that recognizes same-sex marraige, or b) if Virginia ever recognizes same-sex marriage.

    As for planning the wedding itself, that's pretty much the same for you as for any couple, other than the fact that the legal ceremony has to be in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage.  You could have a destination wedding in New York, or just go to the courthouse in NY and then have a big celebration back in Virginia, or whatever you want.  NotFroofy and I had an intimate ceremony (immediate family and a few close friends) in Massachusetts, then an at-home reception in DC for 60 of our friends.  (This was before DC had same-sex marriage.)
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    shatima777shatima777 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I want to say a BIG THANK . I will look into all the websites, and info that you gave me.. COngrats, and I wish you all the best.. We have to support one another ;-)
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    shatima777shatima777 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    2dBride. Thanks for the break down.. HAve either one of you heard of 14stories.com?
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I haven't heard of them, but then again, we didn't use a wedding planner at all. 
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    nicknuttncnicknuttnc member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats!!!!
    We are doing the same thing, but having a big huge wedding at home. I am going to give you a website for the lady we are using. She is very inexpensive and hopefully this helps.
    http://www.gaylesbianweddings4u.net/
    Tell me if this helps.....
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    senoritabowersenoritabower
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Another thought for the reception... espeicially if you're willing to give up some control... is to invite your family and friends to help with the planning. My partner is also much less of a planner than I am. But we have many church friends who can't wait to help with the planning and preparations as a gift to us. For example, one family lives near a wooded area. They will create flower arrangements for the reception. A few friends are set designers. They're going to decorate the rooms we're using for the reception. Other friends like to play around with DJing, so they'll create an iTunes play list. And everyone in the church has offered to bring a covered dish to the reception. I'm sure that some of my colleagues and family members will think that we're cheap (which we kind of are), but the church has never been more excited for a wedding! Everyone feels invested in our ceremony. We don't know exactly what to expect from the food, flowers, music, and decor, since it's out of our hands. That's a good, but scary thing. It's not for everyone, but my partner and I are thrilled with the way this is shaping up. Best of luck!
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    senoritabower:  I'm so happy to hear that you have a church that is thrilled for you.  We experienced that as well; several members of the synagogue staff asked permission to attend our ceremony, because they were so excited about our wedding.
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    shatima777shatima777 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_dont-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:f22b67fb-a7cd-429c-a0dc-7e0ecfb24510Post:6fee1775-7a2f-49f6-bc73-e613b05d75bd">Re: Help! I don't know where to start</a>:
    [QUOTE]Congrats!!!! We are doing the same thing, but having a big huge wedding at home. I am going to give you a website for the lady we are using. She is very inexpensive and hopefully this helps. <a href="http://www.gaylesbianweddings4u.net/" rel="nofollow">http://www.gaylesbianweddings4u.net/</a> Tell me if this helps.....
    Posted by nicknuttnc[/QUOTE]

    Thank you ;-) I will check into her as well.. Contrats <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-kiss.gif" border="0" alt="Kiss" title="Kiss" />
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    shatima777shatima777 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_dont-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:f22b67fb-a7cd-429c-a0dc-7e0ecfb24510Post:c1072b4c-f7bb-452f-9dc5-a6c996e6e985">Re: Help! I don't know where to start</a>:
    [QUOTE]Another thought for the reception... espeicially if you're willing to give up some control... is to invite your family and friends to help with the planning. My partner is also much less of a planner than I am. But we have many church friends who can't wait to help with the planning and preparations as a gift to us. For example, one family lives near a wooded area. They will create flower arrangements for the reception. A few friends are set designers. They're going to decorate the rooms we're using for the reception. Other friends like to play around with DJing, so they'll create an iTunes play list. And everyone in the church has offered to bring a covered dish to the reception. I'm sure that some of my colleagues and family members will think that we're cheap (which we kind of are), but the church has never been more excited for a wedding! Everyone feels invested in our ceremony. We don't know exactly what to expect from the food, flowers, music, and decor, since it's out of our hands. That's a good, but scary thing. It's not for everyone, but my partner and I are thrilled with the way this is shaping up. Best of luck!
    Posted by senoritabower[/QUOTE]

    Oh wowow that is REALLY nice.. I wish I went to your church.. We dont even have a church like that here.. The think that makes me so upset is so many people thing b/c of our life style that there is no way we could/should love GOD.. Well GOD loves all of his childern, and i LOVE me some him.. SO thats a blessing that GOD just blessed u with.. Congrats with everything as well. and thank you <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" /> 
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