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Catholic/Jewish

mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My fiance and I are having a non-mass Catholic wedding, outside of the church and officiated by a deacon.  My fiance is Jewish and we are trying to come up with readings that do not directly mention Jesus.  He is fine with the fact that we are having a Catholic ceremony, but some of his family memebers are a little sensitive to it.  Any ideas?

We are also trying to come up with ways to pay respect to his religion without offending it.  We were basically told that most of the things that they have/do at a Jewish wedding conflict and we have to pick one or the other.  As the Rabbi told us, there is no such thing as a "Cashew" (Catholic/Jew).

We already have all our decisions made for the future as far as our family (we are raising them Catholic) and teaching them about Judaism, but not practicing.  My fiance will continue to attend temple during High Holy Days as he does, and we will stand along side of him.  Its mainly the ceremony that has us confused!
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Re: Catholic/Jewish

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    laurmdlaurmd
    First Comment
    You would have to talk to the priest performing the ceremony. Our church gave us a book with about ten options per reading. I'm pretty sure every single one of them mentioned Jesus.

    How important is it that you have a Catholic wedding? My parents were in your same boat but mom is Jewish and Dad is Catholic. They just had a non-religious ceremony but mostly because back then, it was hard to find someone that agreed to marry them. Either way, they stood by the teachings of Catholicism and raised me and my siblings Catholic; like you, we also learned of Jewish traditions, etc.

    So I guess my point is.. if you're really worried about offending his family, talk to your priest to see if there are other less common readings, or consider getting married in a different venue altogether. If this ceremony is a reflection of you and your FI, then I would hope you could have a ceremony with Jesus' name mentioned and his family would understand. Either way, good luck!
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    tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Non-practicing Jew here: Any Old Testament reading will not mention Jesus. I assume those are options for you?

    As for Jewish ceremonies, almost all of the things that most Jews associate with a Jewish ceremony are cultural traditions, not religious dictates. You can have a chuppah, your FH can break the glass, you can process in the traditional Jewish way (your FH with both his parents and you with both your parents), both sets of parents can stand up with you under the chuppah during the ceremony, you could probably do the 7 Blessings (though my knowlege is really light in that area; not sure about that one).

    At the reception, you could have someone do the blessings of the bread and wine in Hebrew and dance a hora.

    So there are plenty of options -- depends on how comfortable the two of you will be with them, and I guess how comfortable the deacon would be.
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    mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    The Catholic ceremony is very important to me.  I would ideally like to be married in a church, by my priest, but we have come up with a comfortable compromise where we will get married at the place of our reception by a deacon.  We had to write to the bishop to get permission to have the ceremony outside of the church.   

    I would hope his family would understand, but he doubts they will.  For them, it is all an image thing.  They are worried about what their friends/family members will think about him marrying a Catholic.  He has told me several times that it is his belief that the female can choose the religion and that he is okay with how everything is going to happen.  His other family members haven't been as supportive.  He has two sisters (both significantly older...they were in high school when he was born).  When one sister found out we were getting married she said "Just tell me you aren't going to get married in a church!" and that sister married a Christian too!  The other sister suggested that we be married by the deacon "in private" and have our public ceremony with a judge!!  How offensive!
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    mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Unfortunately, the rabbi nixed almost all those suggestions except the breaking of the bread and the hora.

    His reasoning:

    The Chuppah: Symbolic of the home (Jewish home).  We will not be having a "Jewish home"

    Glass: Breaking the glass is an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem. 

    Seven Blessings: We maybe could do this, but the rabbi basically said that it wasn't appropriate to have wine due to the conflicting views on what wine is.  In Judaism, wine is the fruit of the vine, and a symbol of prosperity and joy.  In Catholicism, wine is the blood of Christ.

    He may choose to process with his parents.  If he does, it will be before I arrive at the ceremony.  I will process with just my father.  Both of our families will be seated for the ceremony.  This is just a personal preference.  I have a feeling that he will choose not to process with his parents too, because he thinks it looks weird.
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    darlingcdarlingc
    First Comment
    My fiance is agnostic and we're having a Catholic Ceremony. We haven't offcially chosen readings yet, but we're thinking of:

    Old Testament:
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+4%3A9-12&version=NIV
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=song%20of%20songs%202:8-10,14,16a&version=NIV
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=song%20of%20songs%208:6-7&version=NIV

    New Testament:
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20corinthians%2013&version=NIV

    Gospel:
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2015:9-12&version=NIV
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark%2010:6-9&version=NIV

    Also: http://catholicweddinghelp.com/

    Best of luck- it is very tricky bringing 2 families together and making sure the ceremony feels reflective of everyone involved.
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    mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Wow!  These are great!!

    I had showed my fiance that New Testament reading a few weeks ago and he loved it.   
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    tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_catholicjewish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:89ea51a6-b35f-4a2a-aaf0-5c198dad84d8Post:5c6e8fed-e55c-429f-81da-f6b21bae7f6f">Re: Catholic/Jewish</a>:
    [QUOTE]Unfortunately, the rabbi nixed almost all those suggestions except the breaking of the bread and the hora. His reasoning: The Chuppah: Symbolic of the home (Jewish home).  We will not be having a "Jewish home" Glass: Breaking the glass is an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem.  Seven Blessings: We maybe could do this, but the rabbi basically said that it wasn't appropriate to have wine due to the conflicting views on what wine is.  In Judaism, wine is the fruit of the vine, and a symbol of prosperity and joy.  In Catholicism, wine is the blood of Christ. He may choose to process with his parents.  If he does, it will be before I arrive at the ceremony.  I will process with just my father.  Both of our families will be seated for the ceremony.  This is just a personal preference.  I have a feeling that he will choose not to process with his parents too, because he thinks it looks weird.
    Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

    I'm a little lost. I thought the rabbi wasn't officiating? So I'm not sure how he gets to have a say in what's included in the ceremony.

    The chuppah and the glass breaking are custom. There's no religious dictate for them so you wouldn't be going against anything religious by using them. If I were you and your FH, I'd do some of your own research to understand the meaning and reasons behind some of these customs and then see if you're comfortable using them or not.

    That said, it really seems like your FH is embracing the Catholic ceremony and life anyway, so I'm not sure why either of you is trying to include Judaism in the ceremony. If the ceremony is Catholic and you've already decided you'll be living a Catholic life and raising your children that way, I can understand why the rabbi is kind of washing his hands of the whole thing and just trying to get you to have a Catholic ceremony and not include Jewish elements that don't appear to mean anything to either of you.

    FWIW, I can totally understand how his family might/will have issues with a Catholic ceremony. I barely practice as a Jew, but the cultural traditions are important to me and I'd be very sad to see anyone in my family have a ceremony in another religion.
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    goodigirlgoodigirl member
    First Comment
    Our wedding is the opposite--I'm Jewish and he is Catholic.  We're also having a priest preside over the wedding off-site from a church. 

    Our priest has said he's done several weddings like this and it's totally possible.  I went to Catholic school my whole life, but still--the idea of prayers to Jesus being in my wedding make me a bit uncomfortable.  Our priest said that he is able to find some prayers that will be appropriate for both religions and perhaps instead of saying Christ in the prayer to replace that with the Lord or God. 

    I do understand on the wine...in a Catholic mass, wine is the blood of Christ.  If it is blessed by the priest beforehand, it is then symbolic of Christ's sacrifice.  However, what if you each had your own glasses of wine so you could each celebrate in your way--his as a part of the sacrifice, yours as a celebration of the joy of the day. 

    I agree with tenofcups4me.  Do some research on your own.  Having been raised with a solid understanding of the importance of both religions and their traditions (I had a Bat Mitzvah--so truly have been exposed to both quite a lot!), I find it hard to believe that your God or his would not be OK with you expressing your traditions in your way at your wedding. 

    Good luck! 
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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm lost, too. It sounds like you squared away the Catholic ceremony, then consulted a rabbi on how to make the Catholic ceremony more Jewish, and your rabbi was unusually strict. As others are saying, you need to research on your own. Your rabbi's opinions are not the majority opinions of rabbis involved in interfaith ceremonies. There are lots of good books and articles out there.

    FWIW, we're having a full Catholic Mass, in church. We're having a chuppah and glass-breaking, in church. (These were controversial on theknot, but completely uncontroversial with our Priest.) We're looking at a motzi, shekiyanu, wine blessing, and horah at the reception.
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    mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We consulted the rabbi to see if we could incorporate some elements to make his family member more comfortable.  The rabbi basically doesn't believe that we can incorporate anything into the ceremony.

    We will have a rabbi present.  He is going to say something either at the ceremony or reception, that has not been determined yet.  When we received the letter from the bishop stating we could be married by the deacon outside of the church, we received permission to the rabbi at the ceremony as well, for some sort of Jewish blessing.

    We are also going to the friday evening service at my fiance's temple and receiving a blessing there.  This was his rabbi's idea.  It will be good for his family to see us there and anyone who is in town already for the wedding will be invited.
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