Dilemma

rerawalt · May 2011

Hey everyone, I usually lurk on this site but I came across an interesting dilemma today and I thought you could help. I am getting married a year from now and my cousin is getting married in December. I am not very close to this cousin but we see each other at holidays and family weddings etc... I just found out today that my cousin asked my grandmother who's ring was bigger and who the designer of my dress was. I'm not sure how to handle that. I feel like she is trying to turn our weddings into a competition which I have no interest in. I'm sure the right answer is to pretend that I don't know and go about my merry way but I thought I would get your thoughts.

lyndausvi · May 2011

Personally would just pretend and go on my merry way. Sure the questions suggest competition, but I choose not to play that game. If anything I would brag about myself in order for her to spend way more money than she needs to just to 'compete' with me. I'm mean like that.

eta - I should say I do not care if someone spends more or has a better 'x,y,z' as me... as long as I'm good with my life, I do not compare myself with others. I will always get what I want because I want it, not because someone else has it. If I can't afford it I do not get it and i do not get upset about it.

ootmother2 · May 2011

Ignore it.

The knot does have spellcheck, just incase you want to spell dilemma correctly

futurepivko · May 2011

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the stupid 'wedding competition'. i had a friend who tried to do this.

PLEASE ignore it and move on. PLEASE. who gives a darn, really.

futurepivko · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilema-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2307955b-2fba-4c67-ba9e-bff6e6eeb899Post:28143bc2-c2f5-42a8-bf32-5b28d4b1d81b">Re: Dilema</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally would just pretend and go on my merry way. Sure the questions suggest competition, but I choose not to play that game. If anything I would brag about myself in order for her to spend way more money than she needs to just to 'compete' with me. I'm mean like that. <strong>eta - I should say I do not care if someone spends more or has a better 'x,y,z' as me... as long as I'm good with my life, I do not compare myself with others. I will always get what I want because I want it, not because someone else has it. If I can't afford it I do not get it and i do not get upset about it. </strong>
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

that is a great attitude! more people in this world need to have that kind of attitude.

lyndausvi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilema-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2307955b-2fba-4c67-ba9e-bff6e6eeb899Post:840ba9b6-fd7b-4c5a-ba74-5e3dd096baee">Re: Dilema</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilema : that is a great attitude! more people in this world need to have that kind of attitude.
Posted by futurepivko[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think living in the islands helps..

</div>

pinkrn19 · May 2011

Sounds like she is feeling a bit insecure...just enjoy the year of wedding planning bliss

p.s. I sorta hope your ring is bigger LOL.

AbbeyS2011 · May 2011

When she asks a family member about your ring, dress, flowers, just tell them to say "Cracker Jack Box, Ross Dress for Less, Dollar Tee" - that will keep her nose out of your wedding plans!

Seriously though, I would keep your wedding plans pretty much hush hush. It sounds like she wants to know so she can "do it first". When someone in the family asks, just smile sweetly and say, "Planning is going well, thanks for asking".

thesequel · May 2011

My FBIL's FI tries this. She already told us that we couldn't get married within 9 months of her "special day" because we would steal her thunder. She keeps pumping my FMIL for information and constantly criticizes everything that gets done, despite the fact that we are telling her anything. FMIL has been asked not to tell her anything and that hasn't happened, so we stopped telling FMIL information. I have taken to laughing at the FI's immaturity behind my hand.

Take a deep breath and keep your amazingly positive attitude. Also remember karma...this is what I keep telling myself!

Good luck!

Calypso1977 · May 2011

honestly, i think id be more curious as to what grandma said than the cousin. i would hope she had the good sense to put the cousin in her place and tell her that such talk was rude and inappropriate. the fact that this even got back to you means that grandma's a gossip.

rerawalt · May 2011

calypso - My grandma just asked her why she cares how big my ring is and it got back to me because my grandmother wasn't the only one in the room at the time.

I have no idea how big her ring is and honestly I don't care. I wouldn't trade my ring for the world because it's the one that my FI proposed with. We are planning the wedding that is perfect for us and that's all that is important. Thanks for confirming that I should just pretend that I don't know.

J&K10910 · May 2011

In the future, I would also let whoever told you about this know that you don't really care about the things your cousin is saying and you'd appreciate if they didn't get back to you.

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