Marriage as a sacrament

shawna127 · April 2012

So I have been reading a lot of books on the sacrament of Holy Matrimony and it has got me thinking. I am so happy that I get to recieve this sacrament and that I know what it is about and how important it is. This also made me realize, I have a lot of non-catholic friends getting married in the next year and it made me kind of sad to think that they were missing out on this. Have any of you other ladies thought of that? If I wasn't getting married in the church, it would just feel so empty to me. What are your guys' thoughts?

sbelle85 · April 2012

I feel the same way. I truly feel like people who get married on a beach or at an outdoor ceremony, outside of the Church, are missing out on this beautiful and powerful sacrament. I believe that a wedding is a very meaningful and significant religious experience and I love the way that the Catholic church takes it seriously and, for the most part, doesn't permit gimmicky things like dancing down the aisle to pop music or telling jokes during the vows. It is my opinion that our guests are there to witness a sacrament - not to be entertained with music, dancing, or jokes. Save it for the reception.

I get enjoyment out of the beauty of the Catholic Nuptial Mass and the awesome experience of receiving this sacrament that I've waited my whole life for. I love that the Catholic ceremony really focuses on the serious commitment you are making to God and to your partner instead of allowing the focus to be on other things.

I recently saw a couple who had the ring bearer walk down the aisle with a sign that said "LAST CHANCE TO RUN!" They obviously thought it was hilarious and cute. I was disgusted. What a tasteless and inappropriate joke to make during the sacrament of marriage. (Of course, they weren't celebrating it as a sacrament). I felt that they didn't understand how serious a wedding is. http://www.flickr.com/photos/getstak/6385149847/

agapecarrie · April 2012

Clarification: Only Catholics are bound to canon law in marriage. When 2 baptized non Catholic people marry anywhere, (assuming no impediements), their marriage is considered valid and a sacrament.

Riss91 · April 2012

I think you can have couples married within the Church and outside of the Church that do not take marriage seriously. Some that use the Church as a venue but don't believe in the sacramant. Marriages outside the Church, of other belief systems that are beautiful and sincere, as well as those that are quite the opposite. I'm more saddened by the general societal disregard of marriage as a life-long commitment. Not that everyone who breaks off their marriage feels this way, but that it's sort of "staus quo" for us as a society to expect it. All you can do is try your best to be a good example and help others when they need it.

professorscience · April 2012

I agree. I mean, I always knew that my marriage with H was going to be a permanent, wonderful thing, but I didn't think about the real power of the marriage until the RCIA class on vocations. I mean, "marriage" as a vocation. A job. A calling. That was really meaningful to me. It was our calling to be married and something we must always work on.

I think that working aspects of a couple's personality into the wedding ceremony is important, but it's also important to keep in mind the holiness of the act.

I honestly don't believe that anyone enters a marriage expecting it to not last. I know people think of pre-nups as preparation for divorce, but I can see where there would be just cause to get one in some peoples' minds. I do feel sad when I think two people who are totally wrong for each other are married, but that's not my business.

Riss91 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:292530cc-3313-44cd-8ec5-a87fa3a08282">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree. I mean, I always knew that my marriage with H was going to be a permanent, wonderful thing, but I didn't think about the real power of the marriage until the RCIA class on vocations. I mean, "marriage" as a vocation. A job. A calling. That was really meaningful to me. It was our calling to be married and something we must always work on. I think that working aspects of a couple's personality into the wedding ceremony is important, but it's also important to keep in mind the holiness of the act. I honestly don't believe that anyone enters a marriage expecting it to not last. I know people think of pre-nups as preparation for divorce, but I can see where there would be just cause to get one in some peoples' minds. I do feel sad when I think two people who are totally wrong for each other are married, but that's not my business.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

One of my friends told me at her bachelorette "I mean, I'm not so naive as to think we won't ever get divorced." <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" />

professorscience · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:8bf5e5e9-8b86-43cf-ba18-09cfa6d2bd23">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage as a sacrament : One of my friends told me at her bachelorette "I mean, I'm not so naive as to think we won't ever get divorced."
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

That's sad. I've heard of parents describe someone's fiance as "their starter marriage." I've also seen my share of high school and college girlfriends who got married way too young and are already divorced.

Resa77 · April 2012

That reminds me of when I got engaged and so many people were telling me that marriage is a big mistake, or that I need to keep my career going and have some money set aside in case I leave him, etc. I thought it was pretty rude.

sbelle85 · April 2012

I recently became aware of Covenant Marriage. This is something the state of Louisiana offers which basically makes it much more difficult to get legally divorced. You are required to sign a legally binding document which prohibits you from divorcing without special permission and the completion of a minimum number of premarital counseling sessions. It occurred to me when I was reading about it that this is what every marriage should be. It shouldn't be EASY to end a marriage as if you are just casually breaking up with a high school boyfriend. I think that marriage should be a permanent, binding choice - not something you can do 'in the moment' and then casually walk away from if you get bored with it or you don't want to try anymore. Maybe if it were harder to get divorced, people would take marriage more seriously.

professorscience · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:97d54d20-68d3-49c4-a882-fee81c700926">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE]I recently became aware of Covenant Marriage. This is something the state of Louisiana offers which basically makes it much more difficult to get legally divorced. You are required to sign a legally binding document which prohibits you from divorcing without special permission and the completion of a minimum number of premarital counseling sessions. It occurred to me when I was reading about it that this is what every marriage should be. It shouldn't be EASY to end a marriage as if you are just casually breaking up with a high school boyfriend. I think that marriage should be a permanent, binding choice - not something you can do 'in the moment' and then casually walk away from if you get bored with it or you don't want to try anymore. Maybe if it were harder to get divorced, people would take marriage more seriously.
Posted by sbelle85[/QUOTE]

Maybe if it were harder to get married people would take marriage more seriously.

sbelle85 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:59dc685d-6df6-402e-8fe8-c457d3648b66">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage as a sacrament : Maybe if it were harder to get married people would take marriage more seriously.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

I agree with that as well. One thing I love about the Catholic Church is that they don't allow just anyone to get married there. I love that we have to go through extensive premarital preparation and demonstrate that we actually understand the importance and the implications of what we are doing.

ring_pop · April 2012

Eh. If I weren't Catholic, I don't think I would see marriage as being any less meaningful. To me, a sacramental marriage is about having God as part of the relationship. If I didn't believe in God, why would I care to have God in the relationship?

I hear ya, I just don't think there's a need to feel sorry for non-Catholics in this regard.

egm900 · April 2012

I don't think it's the Catholic Church and the fact that we as Catholics are participating in a sacrament that makes a marriage feel fulfilling. I have a friend who is not religious and had a three minute wedding and feels fulfilled by her wedding and honors her marriage deeply. I think it's more a mindset and mutual understanding you have with your future spouse that makes the marriage feel fulfilling.

Covenant marriage isn't really about making it "hard to get divorced." It's focus is more on thinking it through before you get a divorce. A covenant marriage is to divorce in Louisiana much pre-Cana is to getting married in the Catholic Church. Unless your spouse has done something absolutely horrific as dictated by the statute, a couple is required to go through counseling and other steps to make sure divorce is really necessary. It doesn't make a divorce difficult to get, it's just extra hoops to go through. Much like some people getting married in the Catholic Church go to pre-Cana, but don't take it seriously, try to short cut it, etc., you can do the same with dissolving a covenant marriage.

XML&MrP · April 2012

Funny you wrote this bc lately I've been feeling the same way. We're getting married June 30 and it started off as a DW with the ceremony on the beach. Now we're getting married at a cathedral in the same city. I started taking classes for my confirmation not thinking what an impact they would have on me. Then I went to a retreat and I came back a brand new woman. Just last week we took the pre-cana along with 8 other couples and it helped us out tremendously. Yes, God is part of the relationship in our marriage, and in times of rough periods which I know there will be, we will look to God to be our strength to overcome anything. Before doing all this prep, I never realized how important it was to have God as part of our marriage. Now I am so glad that I have taken these steps. Because anyone can signs some papers and be legally married in the eyes of the states but to me what is mportant is that He is a witness of that sacrament. Now a days, everyones getting married outside, and thats their perrogative , but in my POV, you're just having the country recognize your marriage and to God you are not one.

shawna127 · April 2012

I wasn't trying to be offensive to anyone, sorry if it came across that way

It's just that with all the reading and studying I've been doing, marriage as a sacrament and a vocation has really come alive to me. And that made me sad for my friends, because I know that to a few of my friends it is just a peice of paper, and marriage is just something you do, and divorce isn't a big deal. It's kind of like I was just so excited about it that I wanted to tell everyone else about it so they could have it too, that's really what I meant. I realize now that I may have come off a little snarky at first so I apologize.

KatoNorway · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:69df47fc-dd1e-4f0f-a005-c3383d184134">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's the Catholic Church and the fact that we as Catholics are participating in a sacrament that makes a marriage feel fulfilling. I have a friend who is not religious and had a three minute wedding and feels fulfilled by her wedding and honors her marriage deeply. I think it's more a mindset and mutual understanding you have with your future spouse that makes the marriage feel fulfilling.
Posted by egm900[/QUOTE]
Absolutely.

Eliz77 · April 2012

I agree that for myself personally, being married in the Church will be more important and fullfilling than if I were to have a ceremony at my reception venue. I think I've attended a dozen weddings in my adult life and half were in the Catholic Chuch. Each and every wedding was special, beautiful and romantic in it's own way. One of the most moving ceremonies I've attended was not in a Church. The couple wrote their own vows and had readers recite poems and passages that were symbolic of their lives together and the chapter they were about to start. This was the only ceremony I actually teared up for, multiple times, and I never cry!

Obviously Catholics look at the celebration of marriage differently, but people welcome God into their daily lives regardless of their religion. Getting married outside of a Catholic Church does not mean God is not part of their day. For us who choose to get married in the Catholic Church, it does make it more special since that is what we have been taught and look forward to, so receiving that sacrament makes it more important and treasured for us.

I have heard people say,"It's just a piece of paper." as well, but not in the context that a marriage is not important, more in a way to explain how they feel united after their ceremony regardless, and that piece of paper makes it legal. Not explaining it well...

KatoNorway · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:d0b4ed1b-12d4-4042-9c26-7bc4813c53b1">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE] Not explaining it well...
Posted by Eliz77[/QUOTE]
I think you explained it perfectly.

Eliz77 · April 2012

^^^Thanks!

And to OP, I don't think you need to apologize, and I don't think you were snarky or offensive in any way. I am sure there are people out there who don't take marriage, regardless of what kind of ceremony they have, seriously. And there are others that do. My Grandparents, who are Catholics through and through, were married by a judge way back in the day before Grandpa could be shipped out to war. They love telling the story how his mom had to sign their license because they were too young yet she barely made it to the courthouse on time. I know NO ONE who is more committed to each other. Even after 68 years of marriage, I cannot imagine any one more in love with the other. Even after all my years on this earth, I am still in awe of their relationship. If FI and I have even 25% of the life they have, I will consider us successful.

Eliz77 · April 2012

Correction...all these years I thought my Grandparents were married outside the Church and only after they married did my Grandma become Catholic. Turns out, they were married in the church and my Grandma was confirmed the year before. The confusion was because they spent all night tryingt to get their marriage license signed, and I thought it was to find a judge to marry them. NO idea how the pulled a wedding together in a manner of days, at age 18, before my Grandfather was shipped out!

Lisa50 · April 2012

My thought (I am a life long Catholic and taught Sunday school for many years) is that a sacrament is something between God and the believer, a sign of God's grace, something sacred. Catholics do not hold an exclusive on matrimony as a sacrament. Don't feel sad for your friends. Do yourself a favor and try to learn more about the true meaning of the word sacrament. I wish you good luck.

professorscience · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-as-a-sacrament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:5ec65015-4f00-43d6-89cd-88f8cd65330fPost:9c896b72-c73e-47a1-81c7-8c730c4e3b50">Re: Marriage as a sacrament</a>:
[QUOTE]My thought (I am a life long Catholic and taught Sunday school for many years) is that a sacrament is something between God and the believer, a sign of God's grace, something sacred. Catholics do not hold an exclusive on matrimony as a sacrament. Don't feel sad for your friends. Do yourself a favor and try to learn more about the true meaning of the word sacrament. I wish you good luck.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

Ouch. I don't think OP meant to offend anyone. It's certainly not wrong to wish more people accepted the truths of the Catholic church and could participate fully in all its rites.

agapecarrie · April 2012

The Catholic church doesn't believe it holds exclusive on the marriage sacrament.

Again, if 2 baptized people validly marry--- it is a sacrament, regardless of denomination (and regardless of whether they believe it is) Unfortunately, most protestants don't believe marriage is a sacrament.

professorscience · April 2012

I think it's more that many Protestant churches just don't use the terminology "sacrament." It was certainly not in my vocabulary growing up.

Marriage as a sacrament

Re: Marriage as a sacrament

Choose Another Board

Search Boards