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Sensitive Subject

justpeachy91justpeachy91
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I have never posted here before, but I really don't know what to do. My bridesmaids and I went dress shopping a couple months ago and everyone chose their dress. I had them do different dresses but the same color, as everyone has extremely different body types. It was nice at the bridal shop because everyone could try the dress on and make sure it fit, then put theirs on file at the store. Easy right?

One of my bridesmaids called me the other day saying she still had not bought her dress but just didn't have time to go to the shop. (Really?) She said as an alternative, she was going to purchase one online. This would not be a huge deal, except she has decided to buy it a size too small with the intent to lose weight. Also, she said they don't have this new dress in her size.

For some people I am sure this works, but she is a habitual yo-yo dieter who constantly loses 5 pound and gains 10 back in a week. Should I step in and tell her to just go get the original one? I have tried talking to her but she keeps saying she "wouldn't buy a dress if she didn't think he could fit into it." What do I do?
image
image
Once there were two women, who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old question unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.
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Re: Sensitive Subject

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:646019ce-fa7c-46bd-8872-6467e2edc7d8Post:70259679-efb5-485b-ac72-984a42a8150f">Sensitive Subject</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have never posted here before, but I really don't know what to do. My bridesmaids and I went dress shopping a couple months ago and everyone chose their dress. I had them do different dresses but the same color, as everyone has extremely different body types. It was nice at the bridal shop because everyone could try the dress on and make sure it fit, then put theirs on file at the store. Easy right? One of my bridesmaids called me the other day saying she still had not bought her dress but just didn't have time to go to the shop. (Really?) She said as an alternative, she was going to purchase one online. This would not be a huge deal, except she has decided to buy it a size too small with the intent to lose weight. Also, she said they don't have this new dress in her size. For some people I am sure this works, but she is a habitual yo-yo dieter who constantly loses 5 pound and gains 10 back in a week. Should I step in and tell her to just go get the original one? I have tried talking to her but she keeps saying she "wouldn't buy a dress if she didn't think he could fit into it." What do I do?
    Posted by justpeachy91[/QUOTE]

    Personally, I think you just need to leave it alone now since you already brought it up at least once. If the dress comes in and it is too small then she is going to have to eat some cost of alterations not you. This is her responsibility for getting the dress, if it is too small the only person who is going to regret is her for not listening you about getting the correct size in the first place. Let it go and hopefully the dress fits for her sake.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    No, you shouldn't tell her what to do. If she orders the wrong size and it doesn't fit her, that will be her problem to solve.
                       
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  • orangecrush32orangecrush32 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let it be. She'll deal with the aftermath if her dress is too small.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe she'll lose the weight and then you'll have done all this worrying for nothing.  Let her order it in whatever size the wants, and if it's the wrong size then it's up to her to fix it.
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  • mikeynkrib2011mikeynkrib2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    the best way to approach this is to point out to her how much extra money it could potentially cost her rather than focusing on her weight loss goals...

    i would first inquire what website she is getting it from, more for your bridesmaids sake because some of those places are questionable and she could get ripped off...a point which i would bring up to her.

    secondly, stress that not only is it easier for dresses to be taken in but it's also generally a lot less expensive.

    and lastly, support her weight loss goals but let her know that size charts for BM dresses are often not true to size either, so even with measurements, they often come in fitting smaller in odd places and going a size up can really help eliminate this problem.

    it's a really hard situation to face, and i was in your same shoes a few months ago!  just don't bring up the weight loss, make it about the $$$.

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  • ichellemay1ichellemay1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:646019ce-fa7c-46bd-8872-6467e2edc7d8Post:7066b983-4606-4d3b-9614-ec33c5e8853d">Re: Sensitive Subject</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let it be. She'll deal with the aftermath if her dress is too small.
    Posted by orangecrush32[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She's an adult, let it be. It's her mistake to fix if she screws up, not yours.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Her one and only responsibility is to order the dress and make sure she can wear it.  Treat her like an adult and let her take care of it.  If you absolutely cannot prevent yourself from saying something, mention that it's easier and cheaper to take a dress in than to let it out, and leave it at that.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is something you can't control, so don't try to control it.  Let her get the dress how she wants and in what size she wants.  If it doesn't fit, that's her problem to figure out, not yours.

    You know the saying, "Give me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference"?  This is one of those "accept what you cannot change" scenarios.  Leave it alone.
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  • justpeachy91justpeachy91
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice everyone. After reading everyone's responses, I am just going to leave it alone and hope she does lose the weight. If not, she can deal with the consequences. 
    image
    image
    Once there were two women, who never knew each other
    One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
    Two different lives shaped to make you one
    One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
    The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
    The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
    One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
    One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
    One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
    One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
    One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
    The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
    And now you ask me through your tears,
    The age-old question unanswered through the years
    Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
    Neither my darling, neither
    Just two different kinds of love.
    Report Reply
  • LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:646019ce-fa7c-46bd-8872-6467e2edc7d8Post:c6fad8cb-faf5-4d03-92c3-9f5b775e9abc">Re: Sensitive Subject</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice everyone. After reading everyone's responses, I am just going to leave it alone and hope she does lose the weight. If not, she can deal with the consequences. 
    Posted by justpeachy91[/QUOTE]

    This  happened to one of my BMs. Worse-- she didn't try on the stupid dress before the wedding. I asked when the dress came in if it fit okay and she said yes, no alterations needed. The DAY OF THE WEDDING she couldn't get it on. She kept saying maybe she could just wear another dress she had on hand. I left the bridal suite and went away because I didn't want to freak out. I was sooooo mad though. I mean, seriously? She wanted to wear a black dress she had brought, which wasn't even very nice/formal (it was very casual, an afternoon dress, really, for a formal evening wedding). And my BMs were wearing brown anyway. AND, I'd let them pick their own dresses from wherever they wanted to, so they would all look good and feel comfortable. 
     
    In the end, my DOC and my sisters (the other BMs) handled it. They told her she had to wear the dress if she wanted to participate in the ceremony, but that she could change for the reception if she wanted to, and that I wouldn't be upset either way with her decision. She decided to squeeze into the dress. She looks terrible in all the pictures-- the dress literally wouldn't zip, the photographer (who told me this happens ALL.THE.TIME) had to do something to get it shut, and she was bulging out of it everywhere. Moral of the long story-- it didn't ruin my wedding. Sure she looked bad, but it wasn't the end of the world.
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  • lindsaynewbride10lindsaynewbride10 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_sensitive-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:646019ce-fa7c-46bd-8872-6467e2edc7d8Post:66e4e25e-eb16-42aa-be8a-70f9f8d37dd0">Re: Sensitive Subject</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sensitive Subject : This  happened to one of my BMs. Worse-- she didn't try on the stupid dress before the wedding. I asked when the dress came in if it fit okay and she said yes, no alterations needed. <strong>The DAY OF THE WEDDING she couldn't get it on.</strong> She kept saying maybe she could just wear another dress she had on hand. I left the bridal suite and went away because I didn't want to freak out. I was sooooo mad though. I mean, seriously? She wanted to wear a black dress she had brought, which wasn't even very nice/formal (it was very casual, an afternoon dress, really, for a formal evening wedding). And my BMs were wearing brown anyway. AND, I'd let them pick their own dresses from wherever they wanted to, so they would all look good and feel comfortable.    In the end, my DOC and my sisters (the other BMs) handled it. They told her she had to wear the dress if she wanted to participate in the ceremony, but that she could change for the reception if she wanted to, and that I wouldn't be upset either way with her decision. She decided to squeeze into the dress. <strong>She looks terrible in all the pictures-- the dress literally wouldn't zip,</strong> the photographer (who told me this happens ALL.THE.TIME) had to do something to get it shut, and she was bulging out of it everywhere. Moral of the long story-- it didn't ruin my wedding. Sure she looked bad, but it wasn't the end of the world.
    Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]

    Hilarious!
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  • heatherw1725heatherw1725 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is pretty funny LuLu but sucks for that BM.
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  • deb84deb84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    lol Sadly I have been that bridesmaid! I ordered my dress for my brother's wedding (I was his wife's MOH) SUPER early.  It hung in my closet for months.  I drove out to Reno, NV for the wedding.  Decided the night before that SHOOT I should make sure the dress still fit...it didn't.  I couldn't get it zipped.  The next morning I was freaking out because I didn't know what I was going to do.  It zipped just fine...we did pictures after the wedding...I looked HORRIBLE.  I was bulging out the top of the dress.  I HATE those wedding pictures.  Why oh why didn't I think to try it on sooner?! LOL  At least it zipped up! :)
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  • knottief7f08860652a16bfknottief7f08860652a16bf member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My maid of honor wanted to do the same thing-- she kept talking about not wanting to buy a dress until she lost the weight-- I just said we need to buy the dress now in a a size that fits now, and if she loses weight it can be altered. I paid for the dress, though, so I guess that meant I could order the size I wanted when I wanted to.  

    I don't know what I could do if I had a bridesmaid who bought a dress too small then couldn't fit in it on the day of-- I think I'd be an angry yelling bride.  I'm so sorry this happened!  
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  • sarajenae13sarajenae13
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Someone made a comment about the BM paying a crap load for  alterations, but in most cases if a dress doesn't fit it can old be taken out SO much...

    I had a thin bridesmaid who could squeeze in a 6 but really should get the 8 in case any weight fluctuations. The 8 was a bit loose and the 6 was a bit tight. BUT if she wore a more padded bra the 8 was fine. 

    I didn't want her to order the 6 and have her gain weight and have it not fit so we compromised, I suggested ordering the eight and then if she needed to take it in I'd pay for her alterations! BINGO. That was the real problem, she didn't want to have to take the dress in. Problem solved, dress ordered! 


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  • joiner521joiner521
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel your pain. I have a bridesmaid who tried and wore a size 18 when she tried the dress at the store. Her crazy self turned around and orderes a size 12!!!! She says she intends to lose the weight. Hmmmm, we will see.
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  • SydneyCameronSydneyCameron member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that maybe you can offer to go to the store for her and tell her that you really want to have an organized and pretty wedding and you are afraid that the colors could be off or if the dress doesn't end up working out for her you don't want her to feel left out or look separate from the group...it's your wedding I think you should try to act like you are helping her out and also trying to get your wedding organized
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  • justpeachy91justpeachy91
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's a funny story about the wedding pictures! Moral is it sucks more for her than for the bride ;)

    I would offer to get it for her but she is the one paying, and every time I even talk about it she gets extremely defensive and acts like I am calling her fat. (She has never really wowed me in the maturity department.) I would never say that, because she is not fat. I just want her to look good and feel comfortable. She picked the original dress, but if she can not fit into it when the day comes, I have to take a page from Lulu. She bought it, she wears it.
    image
    image
    Once there were two women, who never knew each other
    One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
    Two different lives shaped to make you one
    One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
    The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
    The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
    One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
    One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
    One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
    One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
    One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
    The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
    And now you ask me through your tears,
    The age-old question unanswered through the years
    Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
    Neither my darling, neither
    Just two different kinds of love.
    Report Reply
  • SydneyCameronSydneyCameron member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, seems incredibly stubborn! I'm sorry that's no fun... you just seem like you want everything fairly well organized, I guess now you can just hope for the best and hope she comes to her senses and either realizes she won't be able to fit into the dress and gets the one you suggested or she does lose the weight but I think you handled it fairly well!
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