I'm clueless and could use some help

kirstenr · June 2010

I just got engaged within the past week. I feel like I normally wouldn't be so rushed to try to get stuff booked, but I'm hoping for 09/10/11, which I am betting will be a popular date. Therefore I'm trying to get at least my venue and church all set ASAP.

Sooo anyway, here's my deal: I have no idea what's involved in a Catholic wedding, which is rather embarrassing since I was raised Catholic. I gather you need to take classes of some sort; what do those classes entail? I am also wondering if the couple has the option to select the hymns used throughout the ceremony, because there are a few that I've always loved from church. Lastly, how much flexibility is there with regard to processional/recessional songs? Are non-church songs permitted, or are we dealing with strictly-Catholic-church songs there?

Sorry. Told you I'm clueless. I'd love some words of wisdom!

unplainjane · June 2010

congrats! okay first thing you guys need to do is talk to your local priest. he will explain to you all the details of the ceremony. you do get to pick the readings from a selection. you can pick your own music though churches have their own rules about this so he or the music director will explain the options with you. you do need to take marriage classes. this can be a weekend or taken over the course of a few weeks. if you want your date the sooner you talk to your priest the better.

SaraAndrew2010 · June 2010

Congratulations and welcome! This website is pretty helpful for getting started:
http://catholicweddinghelp.com/

Jay+Marissa · June 2010

Contacting the parish you want to be married at is key--be aware that some churches may non allow non-members to be married there. Your home church or a parent's church will be your best bet.

You will probably have to take a FOCCUS test and do some sort of pre-marital class or counseling, like Pre-Cana. You may be required to take NFP classes depending on the diocese (and if you aren't, I still recommend it!)

Music varies by church--we were allowed to pick our music, but they had to be non-secular (classical or church hymns--even some contemporary Christian music was okay). The wedding march was out.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

Ditto jay + marissa. We weren't allowed to have the Wedding March either. Best thing is to go and talk to a priest, but you still definitely have some time. You can ask some questions, but they probably won't have you start your pre-Cana and stuff for a while yet since you are over a year away.

Calypso1977 · June 2010

ditto others - you need to talk to your priest first. if you dont have a priest/parish, i highly recommend that you start attending Mass both to help you prepare to receive your sacrament and to establish membership which some churches require.

you most likely wont be able to book a date this far out. while you see the urgency of getting a popular date, the church is going to see that it is well over a year away and therefore not as urgent.

most dont allow secular music of any kind, although some will. i'd also inquire about times that you can get married particularly if you have your heart set on an evening wedding. not all churches can do weddings between 4 and 6 due to mass schedules, etc. thsi will be important as you choose your venue. if you have to get married at 1 or 2 pm, you will want to find a venue that can host your reception right away - you dont want a big gap. or you may want to consider a late mornign wedding with a lunch reception which may save you money and may be more feasibile if the date is booking up quickly at area venues.

your pre-cana will vary depending upon your priest, whether both of you are catholic, etc. some pre-cana is done with the priest, some places its done with lay persons, and other priests send you away for an engaged encounter weekend.

Jay+Marissa · June 2010

While I don't necessarily agree about the gap

, Calypso is right about the mass times. We only had the choice of 2 or 7 at our Parish. 4 is ideal, but doesn't seem to be the norm anymore, at least in our area

kirstenr · June 2010

Okay, so then what would happen to me if I book my venue for my date, and the church won't... then the church gives it to someone else? This seems to throw a wrench in how I should be planning. There are a few venues I'm in love with, and if I can book one of them I'm jumping on it. Do any churches allow for a "hold" on a date? Frustrating.

SaraAndrew, that website is so helpful. Thank you so much.

Calypso1977 · June 2010

you shouldnt book a venue until yo have the church booked. they might be willing to pencil you in at the church, but i personally wouldnt book a reception location until the church was set with date and time. this may mean giving up a certain venue or even the special date you want, but the ceremony is the most important part and you cant be married without the church piece.

Theresa626 · June 2010

kristenr, call around and research churches till you find one that will give you a date. Mine wouldn't do it till a year before and we couldn't book anything. Then the date we wanted wasn't available anyway. But, at least a year is enough time to plan. Try offering a sizeable donation. That might help them pencil in your date.

agapecarrie · June 2010

The suggested of "buying" to get what you want I find offensive. If someone were to call our church office and "offer" a donation to get their date they would be turned down flat and their motives grealty under suspiciion, as well as neighboring churches called to warn them of the person doing such a thing.

The priests are technically not supposed to give you a date until you have done your pre-marital investigation and discernment portion. Some don't follow this, but it is in your own best interest that you have done the background work and gone through some sort of discernment before setting a date. Priests can delay sacraments if they feel you are not prepared, and are obligated to if they find an impediment to a valid marriage.

Jay+Marissa · June 2010

Our church confirmed our date 2+ years in advance before we did anything. I think it varied by Church. We we're also longtime members, though and paid the initial fee upfront. That being said, if we hadn't completed the requirements and turned in the paperwork, it would be a no-go this Saturday!

portialoveschris · June 2010

I'm a 12-11-10 bride (countdown is on!) and I first found a venue, because I already had a priest who I knew would be able to officiate. Church is most important though, because there are many restrictions with the Catholic church regarding ceremonies. I looked at about 7 churches (ran into problems because of Advent) and finally found one for my priest because he no longer has a parish--he works at the seminary now. He actually ended up booking a church for us, that's kind of hard to get into, so that was nice!

Good luck and Congratulations. Find a church, or a priest, whichever comes first!

bellashauntee · June 2010

We had two choices of ceremony times, 10:00a.m. and 1:00p.m. Unfortunately the earliest any venue would start the reception is 4:00p.m. So we have a gap, but from what I've heard that is pretty common with Catholic weddings, especially in San Diego. So just know that you might have a gap. Luckily my venue is a block from the beach and a winery, so there is some stuff to fill the gap. Plus it gives us time to do different photography locations. Congratulations and good luck!

kirstenr · June 2010

My church does 6pm weddings! It's perfect- I was planning an evening reception, so this way all the timing works out and there's no gap. Thanks for all the advice1

I'm clueless and could use some help

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