Invite or NOT INVITE?

jeja234 · April 2011

My FI and I were introduced by a mutual acquaintance of ours and a few months after that initial introduction, this mutual acquaintance and I had a HUGE falling out and have not spoken since. My FI and this ex pal communicate a few times a year via text (Merry Xmas, Happy New Year, Happy Bdays,).They have been acquaintances since they were children but are not super close at all. We were recently engaged and see sent her congrats to both of us (via text to him of course). My question is this, My FI wants to invite her to our wedding next year because she introduced us and we would not be together if it were not for her but I just feel like I should not have to share my day with someone who I do not care for AT ALL. What do you guys think?

DramaGeek · April 2011

Eh, there were tons of people I don't care for at my wedding. They're related to my H so I didn't have a choice :-P That said, unless you're having a tiny wedding I doubt you'll even notice her presence.

NOLAbridealmost · April 2011

Not family. Not a close friend. Not a significant other of someone who is invited. Has not received a save the date.

Completely up to you. Etiquette says you don't have to invite her.

I wouldn't, but that's also because I am having a small wedding and had to be very selective in who we invited for budget and space reasons. Someone who I couldn't stand and who FI barely speaks to wouldn't make the cut whether they introduced us or not.

RoMy215 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_invite-not-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:79251dca-e1c8-471b-98b6-3653eadb217aPost:0d1e0bf7-0919-4b95-95e5-e741aa7ed797">Re: Invite or NOT INVITE?</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, there were tons of people I don't care for at my wedding. They're related to my H so I didn't have a choice :-P Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
LOL!!! ME TOO (and a few friends too)!!!

My rule was to invite people who I would recognize in our pictures when I look back at them in 5 years. I also had to cut my list and that meant not being able to invite a few people I really would've loved to have been there. Why pay for someone who is a mediocre acquaintance at best if you're just going to resent knowing they were there (and possibly instead of someone else who you would be happy to have share the day)? You can send her a thank you card..or a fruit basket for introducing you if you feel so compelled. =)

DramaGeek · April 2011

The thing is, as much as you may not want to invite her, your fi obviously wants to. Does he really want her there or does he just feel a sense of obligation? If he doesn't actually care if she's there, he just feels like this is a required invite, then by all means, talk him out of it. But if he truly wants her there...well, this may be one of the times when you have to bend and be flexible.

jeja234 · April 2011

Thanks for the feedback everyone!!!! ....DramaGeek...He is definietly feels like its a sense of obligation since she introduced us....nothing more than that. I asked him ..if he was marrying someone SHE DDNT introduce him too would he invite her he said "if he had a EXTRA seat" lol which says to me NO. I think she will not be getting an invite and he will be fine about it

jleahd33 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_invite-not-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:79251dca-e1c8-471b-98b6-3653eadb217aPost:b24854a7-a59e-4686-abe3-6da66b35914d">Re: Invite or NOT INVITE?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Not family. Not a close friend. Not a significant other of someone who is invited. Has not received a save the date. Completely up to you. Etiquette says you don't have to invite her. I wouldn't, but that's also because I am having a small wedding and had to be very selective in who we invited for budget and space reasons. Someone who I couldn't stand and who FI barely speaks to wouldn't make the cut whether they introduced us or not.
</strong>Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Can we pretend I said this! This is exactly me too! But we are also having a small wedding (Destination 30 people), so we were very selective.

IF I were you I would discuss with FI how I feel about this girl and explain that if one of us does not like someone they should be taken off the guest list.

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throoper · April 2011

I totally would NOT invite her. Why would you? Just because she introduced you has no bearing on your life together, especially since you're now fallen out of friendship. Don't invite her and don't feel badly about it. Honestly, I wouldn't want to go to the wedding of a former friend with whom I'd had a big falling out anyway.

CD2011 · April 2011

We are NOT inviting the person (friend of fiance) who introduced us. When we first got engaged we thought about it even though they weren't that close, but since then they have grown farther apart. Luckily my fiance feels the same way I do, but when he doesn't I just give the "Are we EVER going to see/hang out with this person after the wedding??!" Why pay for someone to be there who you don't even care to see? Don't feel obligated!!!

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