How important is family in your WP? (Poll)

Justin's Love · December 2009

My FI and I have been debating about this. My cousin is my MOH and my older brother is my FI's groomsman. As you can see, I think it's really important to involve my close family members in the WP. My FI only has one sister and no close cousins. She got married this year and did not involve FI or any family in the wedding party, but I think I should have her in the wedding party to represent his side of the family. Neither of us are super close to her, but she and I have definitely been getting closer over the past couple years, and I think it would be nice to involve her. I am wondering though if we should include her husband if we include her, even though we barely know him. Also, my FI has 3 groomsman in mind and I have 5 bridesmaids. I know sides don't have to be even, but I have twin 13 yr old brothers that I thought could be jr. groomsmen and stand up on FI's side, but he is opposed to this because I am trying to "force in my family" (even though I'm also trying to include his). Just wanting some opinions....

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

For me personally, it was very important. But my sister is my closest friend, and his sister and I are close, too.

You shouldn't include people to represent either side of the family. You should include them b/c you are close to them and want to honor them. You get to pick your side, he gets to pick his. If you feel close to his sister, ask her. If neither of you really knows her husband, he shouldn't be included. If your FI feels close to the twins, he should ask them.

Ana_2985 · December 2009

D) None of the above.

Your wedding party should be the people that are closest to you. If neither of you are very close to his sister then you don't NEED to include her. If you ARE close to your twin brothers, then you should include them regardless of whether or not any of your FI's family members are in the wedding party.

Everyone is different. My side of the wedding party will be all family members because the people who are closest to me just happen to be related to me.

blackfire5th · December 2009

I voted take em or leave em. DH and I did include all of our siblings (and spouses) in our wedding, but that is because we are close to them. I don't think being related gives anyone an automatic ticket to being in the wedding. We actually had Dh's sister do a reading instead of having her be a bm because that is what we wanted her to do and she was probably happier doing that as well.

liz745 · December 2009

My FI's older brother is his Best Man which is awesome! I love his brother and they are totally best friends. But I dont have any sisters or cousins that I am really close to. My best friend and MOH is like my sister. To us it was more important to have those that are closest to us be a part of the WP. Our families are important, but they are not necessarily who we want standing with us.

For awhile I considered having his younger sister be a BM however I decided that although her and I get along great we are not super tight, but I did ask her to be an usher along with my brother and told both of them that if they wanted they could do a reading during the ceremony. (I told them they didnt have to do either they are both still thinking about it)

I dont see a wedding as a "merging" of families so although its important to me that they be there I dont feel that they need to be in the wedding just because they are family.

banana468 · December 2009

I think it depends on WHO the family is.

If you're close then by all means include the sibling. However if you're not close, I also think it makes sense to not include the sibling as anything other than a guest with a good seat.

My brother did a reading but he wasn't a GM. DH was a co-BM for BIL and BIL was a GM but not DH's BM. In some weddings, the siblings are hardly present and I don't think that's a slight.

Don't include people if you want to feel closer. However if you ARE close by all means ask.

gottahavashorti · December 2009

Siblings are generally expected to be in the WP among my friends and family unless they are not at all close. It was never a question for us whether or not our siblings would be in the WP.

But for your situation, remember that WPs don't have to be split by gender and you don't get to choose his side of the WP. You can have your brothers on your side if you want them to be in it, and he could have asked his sister to be a groomswoman.

emilyinchile · December 2009

I ditto shorti - if you feel strongly about your brothers being in the wedding, they should be on your side. It's not a question of "trading" his sister for your brothers, especially if your FI doesn't seem to care whether or not she's in the wedding. Siblings in my mind do not need to be included. If they pitch a fit about not being in the WRP, it might be worth it to add them just because you have to live with them forever, but I doubt his sister is going to care since for her wedding she didn't include your FI.

To answer your other question, I think including your sister's husband is kind of ridiculous. You barely know him, he's not even a blood relative - I'm sure he'll be happy to be a guest.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

I said very important, but only because I am super close to my sisters, who are my only attendants. I am not including my step-family, even though I consider them family, because we aren't that close. FI doesn't have any siblings, and no close family members in this country besides his parents, so his best friend, who is like a sister, is standing up for him,

I do know that in some families, siblings are expected to be included in WPs, but I think that's because people are expected to be closer to their families than any outsider. That is not always the case. If your FI wants her to stand up with him, she can stand on his side. If you really arent close at all, she can be a reader. YOu are an adult, we hope, so you get to navigate both of your families' expectations.

gottahavashorti · December 2009

[QUOTE]To answer your other question, I think including your sister's husband is kind of ridiculous. You barely know him, he's not even a blood relative - I'm sure he'll be happy to be a guest.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. You're not close to him, and if it's a matter of splitting up your sister and BIL, they will be sitting together again once the reception begins anyhow.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

I didn't hesitate to have my sisters as BMs, but I hesitated about my brother. It's looking now like he'll be on my side so FI doesn't have to deal with him. I'm not particularly close to any of my siblings, but I'm much less close to my brother than my sisters. WPs should be about emotional closeness, not DNA percentages.

Your wedding isn't a merger, so no one has to "represent" his family. Chances are neither of your families had any say in your union, and your family will likely have little or nothing to do with his family after the wedding. So the "representative" idea is silly.

And unless you're particularly close to any siblings-in-law, they don't remotely have to be included in the WP. Any sibling's spouse that is trying to push their way into the WP is insecure, an attention whore, or both.

Justin's Love · December 2009

Thanks for all the advice and opinions. I think this is the area of the wedding that I am overthinking the most. I just really don't like the idea of picking favorites and I just want to make everyone happy.

I am close to all my brothers and my cousin, but my FI isn't really too close to his sister. I think I've just always thought he should be closer, because of how close I am to my siblings, but I realize I can't really force that. I think I am honestly closer to her at this point than he is. I really just didn't want to look like we were excluding his family, but I realize most people won't think of it like that. I also agree about her husband. That was really just an idea brought up by my mom.

How important is family in your WP? (Poll)

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