MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!

carlowgirl10 · March 2012

I know ive vented about her before...but this time..im done...

bacherlorette party issues..i posted before that I basically have planned it. Well the hotel i found the cheapest, was basically a hoax cuz they charge $10 per person if you have more than 2 ppl in a room!! CRAZY!!! AND we would have to have two rooms for the ONE extra person (we wanted 5 ppl)...w/e soo the other hotel that i found that was cheaper was down in the city (which is what we were going to do originally).. But no one wants to drive down there (40 minutes away)..

SOOO i basically (in less words) told them all that we are going to the city, to this bar/restaurant/arcade place...and thats where we are having the party...if you dont want to drive down there...too bad and dont come.

I EVEN said that im driving down there..soo if ppl didnt want to drive they could ride with me...but none of them are coming..

except for my other MOH and 3 ppl WHO ARENT BRIDESMAIDS AND TWO OF THEM LIVE OUTTA STATE!!

SOOO my MOH/sister, told me then that she doesnt have to do the food for my bridal shower..and she can make all of the other BMs do the food... I told her.. YOU THE F****ing MOH YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING..so i told her to make the food for the shower..or drop out of the wedding..cuz making the food is the ONLY thing she has done thus far for the wedding.. and she doesnt want to do it...

i really should have just eloped..im so done with this and her and I cannt wait till after the wedding, i probably wont talk to her for awhile. she is making everything so much harder than it is, and doesnt even want to help me stick the addresses on the envelopes!!!

thanks for listening!!!

gpapale1 · March 2012

I don't mean to be rude, but you are a bit in the wrong here. I know it's your wedding, and your family should want to help you...but you can't coerce/force people into doing things for you. Honestly, if I was your MOH and you cursed at me and told me I had to do something, I'd probably back out. I know a MOH should be more on the ball with planning things, but that doesn't allow you to reprimand her in that manner (even if she is your sister). Also, I know you've been told this before...but you shouldn't be planning your own B party. If no one plans one for you, you just don't have one. I know it sucks, but it's odd for you to plan your own, ask people to pay whatever amount, and then get mad when they don't want to/can't come. I am sorry you are having a tough time, but I felt like you needed a little tough love.

dori851 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:bad7c99a-534e-42fe-bc6a-c7de4e64b12a">MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know ive vented about her before...but this time..im done... bacherlorette party issues..i posted before that I basically have planned it. Well the hotel i found the cheapest, was basically a hoax cuz they charge $10 per person if you have more than 2 ppl in a room!! CRAZY!!! AND we would have to have two rooms for the ONE extra person (we wanted 5 ppl)...w/e soo the other hotel that i found that was cheaper was down in the city (which is what we were going to do originally).. But no one wants to drive down there (40 minutes away).. SOOO i basically (in less words) told them all that we are going to the city, to this bar/restaurant/arcade place...and thats where we are having the party...if you dont want to drive down there...too bad and dont come. I EVEN said that im driving down there..soo if ppl didnt want to drive they could ride with me...but none of them are coming.. except for my other MOH and 3 ppl WHO ARENT BRIDESMAIDS AND TWO OF THEM LIVE OUTTA STATE!! SOOO my MOH/sister, told me then that she doesnt have to do the food for my bridal shower..and she can make all of the other BMs do the food... I told her.. YOU THE F****ing MOH YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING..so i told her to make the food for the shower..or drop out of the wedding..cuz making the food is the ONLY thing she has done thus far for the wedding.. and she doesnt want to do it... i really should have just eloped..im so done with this and her and I cannt wait till after the wedding, i probably wont talk to her for awhile. she is making everything so much harder than it is, and doesnt even want to help me stick the addresses on the envelopes!!! thanks for listening!!!
Posted by carlowgirl10[/QUOTE]

You can't really tell her what to do. Telling her to make the food or drop out of the wedding is a little harsh. The only thing she HAS to do is buy her dress & show up on the wedding day. You can't force her to plan your b-party, shower, make food, etc. That sounds kind of 'zilla-ish to me. If she's hosting the shower, let her figure out the food on her own & stay out of it. If she wants the BMs to make the food or whatever, that's between her & them, not you.

pantherRN · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:067fd3b8-a5e2-4fb1-a9cd-3c0cf8d187fa">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean to be rude, but you are a bit in the wrong here. I know it's your wedding, and your family should want to help you...but you can't coerce/force people into doing things for you. Honestly, if I was your MOH and you cursed at me and told me I had to do something, I'd probably back out. I know a MOH should be more on the ball with planning things, but that doesn't allow you to reprimand her in that manner (even if she is your sister). Also, I know you've been told this before...but you shouldn't be planning your own B party. If no one plans one for you, you just don't have one. I know it sucks, but it's odd for you to plan your own, ask people to pay whatever amount, and then get mad when they don't want to/can't come. I am sorry you are having a tough time, but I felt like you needed a little tough love. :/
Posted by gpapale1[/QUOTE]

<div>X1000. You're being a 'zilla about this. </div>

vineyard12 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:067fd3b8-a5e2-4fb1-a9cd-3c0cf8d187fa">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean to be rude, but you are a bit in the wrong here. I know it's your wedding, and your family should want to help you...but you can't coerce/force people into doing things for you. Honestly, if I was your MOH and you cursed at me and told me I had to do something, I'd probably back out. I know a MOH should be more on the ball with planning things, but that doesn't allow you to reprimand her in that manner (even if she is your sister). Also, I know you've been told this before...but you shouldn't be planning your own B party. If no one plans one for you, you just don't have one. I know it sucks, but it's odd for you to plan your own, ask people to pay whatever amount, and then get mad when they don't want to/can't come. I am sorry you are having a tough time, but I felt like you needed a little tough love. :/
Posted by gpapale1[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but I also have to agree with this, too. I know it sucks, and you want to have all those things, but you can't force people into doing things. I think you should cool your jets awhile and back off. If people plan stuff, awesome. If not, that's cool too.

mandydc0509 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:067fd3b8-a5e2-4fb1-a9cd-3c0cf8d187fa">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean to be rude, but you are a bit in the wrong here. I know it's your wedding, and your family should want to help you...but you can't coerce/force people into doing things for you. Honestly, if I was your MOH and you cursed at me and told me I had to do something, I'd probably back out. I know a MOH should be more on the ball with planning things, but that doesn't allow you to reprimand her in that manner (even if she is your sister). Also, I know you've been told this before...but you shouldn't be planning your own B party. If no one plans one for you, you just don't have one. I know it sucks, but it's odd for you to plan your own, ask people to pay whatever amount, and then get mad when they don't want to/can't come. I am sorry you are having a tough time, but I felt like you needed a little tough love. :/
Posted by gpapale1[/QUOTE]

Ditto all this, especially the bolded. Ppl who know me well will tell you I'm slow to anger, but being that ungrateful/rude would set me off immediately.

As I told a knottie yesterday, I picked my MOH because she is my closest friend, not because she provides the best labor. You need to apologize to your sister.

As far as the shower goes, the logistics should be handled by the hostess, not you. Wedding planning is stressful enough; let them take care of it. I aggree with pps about taking some time off from everything - I think you're just stressed out.

carlowgirl10 · March 2012

I planned my sisters wedding when i was a full time student in college...and paid for 2 bridal showers....she is an at home mom and does nothing but watch TV all day.

i refuse to let her get away with doing nothing for me. she was a great sister till she married her *husband* who she hasnt seen in months cuz he is "working" but she nevers sees his paycheck..

im not being a zilla...MOH your supposed to help the bride...not ignore her till the day of the wedding

dori851 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:8a281b45-59cd-425d-8f31-353fccfb0e8b">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I planned my sisters wedding when i was a full time student in college...and paid for 2 bridal showers....she is an at home mom and does nothing but watch TV all day. i refuse to let her get away with doing nothing for me. she was a great sister till she married her *husband* who she hasnt seen in months cuz he is "working" but she nevers sees his paycheck.. im not being a zilla...MOH your supposed to help the bride...not ignore her till the day of the wedding
Posted by carlowgirl10[/QUOTE]

I think you're wrong here again. First of all, just because you did things for her wedding doesn't mean she has to do things in return for your wedding. That's like saying, "Well, since she was in my wedding I better be in hers." That's just not the way it works at all. You & your FI are responsible for your own wedding & no one has to help you if they don't want to, no matter how much you've done for them.

Like I said in my PP, the only thing she has to do is buy the dress & show up on your wedding day. So technically, yes, she could ignore you until the day of the wedding. I know it'd be nice to have your MOH help you since you did a lot for her, but it's definitely not required of her.

And, what does her relationship with her husband have anything to do with this?

cpm1223 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:8a281b45-59cd-425d-8f31-353fccfb0e8b">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I planned my sisters wedding when i was a full time student in college...and paid for 2 bridal showers....she is an at home mom and does nothing but watch TV all day. i refuse to let her get away with doing nothing for me. she was a great sister till she married her *husband* who she hasnt seen in months cuz he is "working" but she nevers sees his paycheck.. im not being a zilla...MOH your supposed to help the bride...not ignore her till the day of the wedding
Posted by carlowgirl10[/QUOTE]

As crappy as it sounds, she doesn't have to do anything for you but show up with her dress on the day of your wedding. It was very nice of you to have helped her out so much, but doesnt mean she "owes" you anything. It would be nice of her to want to help as much as you helped her, but clearly thats not happening.

I'm sure, even if shes a SAHM, that shes not "sitting around watching tv all day" I'm not a mom, let alone a SAHM, but if i were either, I'd be offended by that comment.

Also, what her and her husband do with their (or his) $ is none of your business and if he is the only one bringing in an income, then she'd be less likely to be able to afford to "help" out as much as you want her to. Give her a break and relax!

mandydc0509 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:8a281b45-59cd-425d-8f31-353fccfb0e8b">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I planned my sisters wedding when i was a full time student in college...and paid for 2 bridal showers....she is an at home mom and does nothing but watch TV all day. i refuse to let her get away with doing nothing for me. she was a great sister till she married her *husband* who she hasnt seen in months cuz he is "working" but she nevers sees his paycheck.. im not being a zilla...MOH your supposed to help the bride...not ignore her till the day of the wedding
Posted by carlowgirl10[/QUOTE]

You're right, the MOH, and the rest of the bridal party, should provide support for the bride, but the way they're able/willing to do that really depends on that particular person.

However, just because you did all of these things does not mean that she has to; that was your choice. And if she is as lazy as you make her sound, I don't understand why you thought she'd be more proactive all of a sudden? The relationship you just described between her and her husband doesn't sound so great either; could that be the reasons behind some of her behavior? But I'm sorry, all of this does not warrant you bossing her around or not treating her well.

I'm saying this as a bride whose sister does not really seem to support her decision to get married, be nicer to your sister. At least she agreed to stand beside you at the altar. Mine did not.

ETA: Totally misread the part about the SAHM - not ok. That's a tough job.

dori851 · March 2012

Yeah, I didn't really catch the part about the SAHM, but cpm so kindly pointed it out for me

I am a SAHM & I can tell you right now that I don't just sit on my a** & do nothing all day! Unless you have children &/or have ever been a SAHM, then please don't judge because I guarantee they work as hard, if not harder, than every other working person out there. Just because she is a SAHM doesn't mean she has all day to sit around & work on YOUR wedding projects.

/vent.

mandi921vh · March 2012

I agree with PPs, but mostly I agree with what gpapale and dori said.

KatWAG · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_moh-sis-is-seriously-giving-me-pimples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:7655c90e-e13e-4a0b-a4de-bd240cb80967Post:8a281b45-59cd-425d-8f31-353fccfb0e8b">Re: MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I planned my sisters wedding when i was a full time student in college...and paid for 2 bridal showers....she is an at home mom and does nothing but watch TV all day. i refuse to let her get away with doing nothing for me. she was a great sister till she married her *husband* who she hasnt seen in months cuz he is "working" but she nevers sees his paycheck.. im not being a zilla...MOH your supposed to help the bride...not ignore her till the day of the wedding
Posted by carlowgirl10[/QUOTE]

Yes you are being a zillla! sorry we all cant be wrong.

Weddings are not tick for tack. While it is great that you went the extra mile for your sister, she is not required to do the same. All she needs to do is buy the dress and show up. I realize that you want her to be much more involved. But it will be better for you, (less frustrating and less pimples) if you just accept it and move on. I know its not ideal but try to relax.

She is certainly not required to make food or throw you a B party. If no one offers to do those things for you, then you simply dont have have those EXTRA parties.

Have you tried asking your sister what is going on in her life? Maybe something is going on with her husband?

littleshrink · March 2012

So, I don't really even know where to begin with this post. There are so many wrong things here....

First, have you talked to your sister about HER life? Sounds to me like perhaps she is struggling and needs a sister to be there for her. I know as brides we forget that the world does not revolve around our weddings. I've had to catch myself bringing up the wedding more than needs to be. Maybe take a time out and go out to lunch/dinner. Just the sisters, no kids, no husbands/FI's. I bet she and you would love it.

Secondly, Bridezilla is your name with this particular post. You are being rude to just stick things on people to do for the sake of it being a tradition. B-parties are not a neccessity for your weddding. Yes they are fun, but you will still get married regardless of the parties before hand. I know it must be tough to feel like your sister doesn't have your back on the wedding, but unfortunately for you, it's your wedding, not hers. Support comes in many different ways than just the party. It's possible you are being unrealistic of what your wedding goals are and I think the stress of the wedding is beginning to get to you. I also know that most of us on this post can relate to you. I've had a few meltdowns. Take a breather. Just enjoy your planning and your future. It will all be over to soon anyway!

Shari 86 · March 2012

No one has to do anything for you. May I also point out that you said that she doesn't have any money and yet you still expect her to find and pay for a sitter so she can spend more money she doesn't have on your B party. THEN spend even more for your shower. You and your day are not more important than her life or her issues, and she should not be B**ched out from you for it.

As for the SAHM comment and you comparing it to going to college and working full time is laughable. I have done both of those things and I can tell you being a SAHM is so much harder. You have no concept of what your sister deals with on a daily basis especially if she is doing it all alone like you claim she is. She works a job that is 24/7. No such thing as vacation, heck if she is alone everyday there is no such thing as a break. You really owe her an apologie.

tmeyer621 · March 2012

Wow. Just wow. The way people act seriously blow my mind. Ive never asked or expected my bridesmaids to do anything but buy a dress and show up. When I need help with wedding related items my FI helps me. Period. We've done everything with no help from anyone. And if no one threw me a shower or party. I'd accept it. If thats the way you treat your friends, no wonder they don't want to do anything for you. Im sorry to be so blunt, but you need to calm down

MOH (SIS) is seriously giving me pimples!!!

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