Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Asking friends to be bridesmaids

Are there certain ways to go about asking your friends to be bridesmaids? Is there an unspoken rule that you have to be face to face in order to do so? Is sending a message, email, or card a tacky way to ask someone?

Re: Asking friends to be bridesmaids

  • Here's how I asked my MOH.  Me: "You know you're the Maid of Honor, right?" and then we started talking about me being one of hers.  My BMs are my tween neices and I asked their mothers first over the phone.  SIL just relayed the request to her daughter who then demanded to call her cousin to talk dresses.  Sis put me on the phone with her daughter to ask.  I couldn't have asked those 2 in person, I haven't seen them since I got engaged and won't see them till the rehearsal. 

    I really think it just depends on your personalities and relationship with each person. 
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  • I wrote a poem and mailed it to each of them as we were all in differenct states at the time.
  • Take them out to lunch/coffee, have them over, etc. and just ask them. Plain and simple. I am not a fan of all the cutsy cards and what not. It is just the wedding industry trying to sucker more money out of you. What is wrong with just asking them in person?
  • I just asked mine.  I don't understand the logic that using someone else's cutesy idea is a way of making it more personal.  The honor is in being asked, not in how you're asked, and honestly, turning every little wedding related task into a major production is a good way to get everyone burned out on your wedding very quickly.
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    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • One was my roommate at the time, I asked her right after I told her FI and I got engaged.  The other is a longtime friend who had worked as an event planner, and I asked her to be my MOH.  Might have been over the phone, when I told her we were engaged.   I have only the two, and I don't regret either, although in retrospect I should probably have waited a bit longer to ask them.
    "Plus who needs a purse when you have a wedding dress? Those things are like walking hobo bags just waiting to be stuffed with surprise treasures." image
  • I think in person or over the phone (voice, not text) is the best way to go. And individually, of course, so no one feels pressured to say yes just because someone else did. I asked two of mine over the phone since they live so far away, but the other two and my MOH were face-to-face.
  • None of my bridesmaids live in the same state that I do.  So I picked up the phone and said "hey.  I would love if you would be a bridesmaid.  Are you interested?" (or something along those lies).
  • I'm a big believer in doing it in person if possible, or by phone if in person is impossible.  One of the biggest causes of wedding party drama is the bride thinking that the bridesmaids are going to help her with all her DIY projects, throw her a shower and a bachelorette party, come a few days before the ceremony for the rehearsal, and spend the wedding day getting hair, make-up, mani/pedis, etc. with her--while the BMs think that their job is only to show up at the ceremony in the required dress.  I'm not a big fan of imposing duties beyond the ceremony on the BMs in any case, but if you are going to do it, you really need to tell them before they decide on whether to be BMs.
  • I'm only having 3, 2 of which were my sisters, so there was really no need to actually 'ask', it's just assumed.  I asked my 3rd in person, just said "would you want to be a bridesmaid?"  and I asked one of my sisters to be my MOH in person and just said "would you be my MOH?"   Short, direct, simple.  It works.
  • I asked all of mine in person.  As soon as my niece found out we were engaged though she was already telling my sister that she was the flower girl and needed to put on her dress and practice!  I also asked my fiance's niece and nephew's parents if they could be in the wedding before asking them (or he asked I forget which).  I think it depends on what you want to do, but I asked each of mine the next time I saw them and was able to.  I wanted to do it personally face-to-face so that I could see their reaction and talk to them about it rather than over the phone or by card.  I'm just glad I have a terrific group of girls who are all special to me.
  • I asked mine in person. THe ones I absolutely couldn't (one is living in another country!) I called. I think you should be as personal as possible, which means face to face unless distance absolutely doesn't allow. I don't think cutesy things in the mail are necessary and it's way less personal. I just straight-out asked them. Then you get to see their face and excited reaction and hug and gush, etc. which you don't get if you mail them something and they call you to say yes.

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