Vent! no plus one's - how did your guests deal?

dianab0237 · December 2010

I think the most stressful part of planning our Hawaii wedding is dealing with our guests. First it was dealing with my family flipflopping about going (finally got that resolved, I hope!) and now it's our guests inviting uninvited guests, without even asking us if it's ok. Our invites did not say "Joe + guest". It either only said "Joe" or if they have a spouse or significant other, we wrote the specific name of the person "Joe + Melanie". Joe's invite said "Joe" only. So when I heard that Joe wanted to invite his friend (another guy who neither me or my fiance know), I stopped him in his tracks and said sorry, but no plus one's. (Mind you, Joe will have 5 other friends who were invited that are going that he could hang out with and I told him that). I thought everything was fine until I heard he was still b*tching about it to another friend. What can I say to our guests who want to invite a plus one even though we're not allowing it? The whole reason why we're having a destination wedding is to avoid the random people at our wedding. It is an intimate affair for our closest family and friends. Ugh! sooo stressed!

Tanq&Tonic · December 2010

Well, it's kind of difficult to expect someone to fly out to a destination & attend a wedding by themselves. I know you say Joe will know 5 other friends there...but are they all going single as a group, or are they paired up & Joe will be the 11th wheel?

In any case, if you insist on no 'random +1s' and that is the most important thing, then stick to your guns and remind folks gently if they try to RSVP for 2. Just recognize some people may decline to attend because of it. As long as you're OK with that, it will all work out.

plannerific · December 2010

I am getting married in hawaii and returning to austin to have a reception. Due to budget and space we could only accomodate 70 people. I have also encountered a guest who before she got her invite was already asking if she could bring someone. So i simply told her no one gets a plus one. Needless to say i have already told 3 other people that as well, and no one has made too much of a fuss over it. Everyone knows someone so its not like they will be the sole person at a table knowing absolutely no one. So unless a guest literally doesnt know anyone at your wedding, i would just simply put the word out there that no plus ones will be attending. Besides who wants some random person you have never met before at your wedding anyway

sld0618 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_vent-plus-ones-did-guests-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:564cbe11-c908-45c8-a597-93c037c92d77Post:bd2dccad-91e1-4245-a61a-7d1ae4ae0405">Vent! no plus one's - how did your guests deal?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the most stressful part of planning our Hawaii wedding is dealing with our guests. First it was dealing with my family flipflopping about going (finally got that resolved, I hope!) and now it's our guests inviting uninvited guests, without even asking us if it's ok. Our invites did not say "Joe + guest". It either only said "Joe" or if they have a spouse or significant other, we wrote the specific name of the person "Joe + Melanie". Joe's invite said "Joe" only. So when I heard that Joe wanted to invite his friend (another guy who neither me or my fiance know), I stopped him in his tracks and said sorry, but no plus one's. (Mind you, Joe will have 5 other friends who were invited that are going that he could hang out with and I told him that). I thought everything was fine until I heard he was still b*tching about it to another friend. What can I say to our guests who want to invite a plus one even though we're not allowing it? <strong>The whole reason why we're having a destination wedding is to avoid the random people at our wedding. It is an intimate affair for our closest family and friends.</strong>Ugh! sooo stressed!
Posted by dianab0237[/QUOTE]

That's exactly how you say it. I keep having people inviting themselves to the wedding in Maui even though we're having a AHR. I'm not inviting anyone but family, wedding party, and a couple of close friends that would be in the wedding party if I wanted a bigger one. We decided there are a few family friends that are really wanting to go, so we will let them because we're not going to turn people away who want to support us. As for my wedding party, they're allowed to bring a plus one even though they all pretty much know each other. It's their vaca too so that's how I'm looking at it. I don't think they all are going to bring someone though, and if they do, I hope they would introduce us to the person prior.

As for our AHR, that's where I'm torn because having the plus ones for our friends will add on another 40 some people. Which I'm debating on only doing a plus one for people that don't know anyone or if they have a gf/bf. Pro's and Con's on both sides.

No matter what, do what you want and stick to it. There is not a great way to say no...but you just need to describe how you feel about it.

AKWinterBride · December 2010

I am with you girl, we decided to go to Maui to get married so that it was an intimate event with the people who are important in our everyday lives. Well, we are now up to 60, and more people are inviting themselves all the time. It's so frustrating cause most of the people inviting themselves are cousins, and I don't want to hurt their feelings, but dang, I don't hang out with them during our regular life, why would I want them at our wedding?

Tanq&Tonic · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_vent-plus-ones-did-guests-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:564cbe11-c908-45c8-a597-93c037c92d77Post:0b1285df-d48c-47c5-a15a-44ac5a891084">Re: Vent! no plus one's - how did your guests deal?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's so frustrating cause most of the people inviting themselves are cousins, and I don't want to hurt their feelings, but dang, I don't hang out with them during our regular life, why would I want them at our wedding?
Posted by AKWinterBride[/QUOTE]
AMEN. I told my cousins about the AHR and one of them replied - "just let us know when you need the measurements for our daughters' flower girl dresses"

Seriously WTF.

sld0618 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_vent-plus-ones-did-guests-deal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:564cbe11-c908-45c8-a597-93c037c92d77Post:583753af-9d36-42a2-8d7e-65d8905d6c2a">Re: Vent! no plus one's - how did your guests deal?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent! no plus one's - how did your guests deal? : AMEN. I told my cousins about the AHR and one of them replied - "just let us know when you need the measurements for our daughters' flower girl dresses" Seriously WTF.
Posted by Tanq&Tonic[/QUOTE]

Holy Hell!!!! Out of control.

carrieoz_76 · December 2010

How big of a wedding are you having, and how many people want to bring plus ones? We had 29 guests, and had two plus ones - one was a friend of a guest who didn't want to go to HI by herself, and the other was a teenage relative's on-again off-again boyfriend that her family decided to bring with. We went back and forth on what to do and ended up deciding that it was more important that our these guests have someone with them in HI to make their trip more fun than it was that we not have these two plus ones at the wedding. In the end, we didn't notice them at all.

I recommend really thinking about whether this is truly a big deal. Most things you'll stress about aren't, and for us, this wasn't worth the trouble of putting up a fuss about.

A.a.A. · December 2010

like PP said, you need to put your foot down, especially if you labeled the invite without a + 1. We did the same, and none of our OOT guests invited anyone extra to come with them.

Instead, we had some of the local guests add their children on (about 4) which was unexpected since we only invited the parents. I was kind of mad about it at first, but got over it and I never noticed them on the day of. Plus we had 2-4 people not show up anyways so it worked out. DH's friend asked if he could bring a guest (who was just a friend, not even a gf) and I made DH tell him no, especially since he knew other friends at the wedding. It was not a big deal and the friend understood.

dianab0237 · December 2010

Thanks for the replies, I'm glad this is not an unusal situation encountered by us Hawaii brides. I told my younger brother about the situation because I knew he would tell me honestly if I was in the right or wrong. He said that I can't stop anyone from going to Hawaii, but you can stop them from going to your wedding then proceeded to offer his services to be our doorman. lol. Thanks for the advice girls, I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not a complete jerk!

kaesha · December 2010

We had a random come... but only one, and he turned out to be awesome.

Go with the, we're happy for you to have company in Hawaii, but we can't accommodate anyone else at the wedding events shtick... because that's the truth. And maybe he wants to hang out with someone other than the 5 other people he knows, you know?

Vent! no plus one's - how did your guests deal?

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