Crazy for wanting a ring?

ShanMarie513 · September 2012

I am just curious and figured I'd see where other women stand on this issue...

My boyfriend and I are in our late 20's, working professionals, and have lived together for the last two and a half years. We are very much in love and have talked about getting married within the next two years.

The other night, we had some people over for a party mainly his guy friends and their girlfriends. We started talking about getting married and weddings. One of his friends pointed out that an engagement ring is a waste of money and went on about how one could buy a motorcycle for the same amount of money. Even the other girls there felt engagement rings were unnecessary.

Am I out of line for wanting one? The boyfriend and I have discussed rings and which one I would want. I know how much he can afford since I take care of the finances in the house and would never put demands on him about how much he "had" to spend. I didn't realize I was in the minority on this. I never even thought of getting married without an engagement ring. At some point, way down the road when we do have children, I'd like to be able to give my future son my ring to give to whomever he chooses. Plus, isn't it a symbol to the world that you are committed to someone?

One of the girls at the party referred to me as a "gold digger" for wanting a ring which is completely untrue. But do other girlfriends feel this way? Like it's wrong to want an engagement ring?

Just to clarify: I don't NEED a ring. If he asked me tomorrow with no ring, of course I'd say yes because I want a life with him and not a piece of jewelry.

ShanMarie513 · September 2012

Just so no one criticizes my punctuation, I did put parentheses and commas in but they didn't post for some reason.

bethsmiles · September 2012

Honestly, your friends sound like jerks. It is not crazy at all to want an engagement ring. There are a lot of things in life that are unnecessary...like oh I don't know...a motorcycle? That doesn't mean it's wrong or crazy to want them. Don't let these people make you feel bad about your choices. It isn't their money that is being spent. It's yours and your BF's money. If you are being financially responsible and spending what you can afford there is no reason for you to feel guilty or silly or whatever about it.

ETA: Your punctuation looks fine to me. Sometimes TK is screwy, don't worry about it

ShanMarie513 · September 2012

Thank you!! I really thought it's because I'm Southern and my BF and I live in Jersey. Like maybe I'm backwards on this whole engagement ring tradition and it fell out of style years ago or something. I appreciate it, Beth!!

Peaseblossom55 · September 2012

Hiya,
You are not crazy for wanting a ring at all. Sorry to hear your friends were so judgemental.

tuarceatha · September 2012

I wanted a ring, two in fact, and I'm not crazy.

This is what makes you really uncrazy though: "Just to clarify: I don't NEED a ring. If he asked me tomorrow with no ring, of course I'd say yes because I want a life with him and not a piece of jewelry."

The "expensive" ring is just a symbol of the lifetime commitment. So someone pays a good price for something that will last a lifetime and beyond. They don't have to, but a lot of people do.

nafallon · September 2012

No you are not crazy for wanting a ring! I have been married 2 times and did not have a traditional engagement ring either time as we could't afford one. I always expected that my husband would eventually get me one (we can easliy afford one now), but it has never happened. I just passed my 30th wedding anniversary and still no ring. I know it's silly, as I do have a very pretty ring, but with a stone I bought. I still long for a ring from my husband. Don't let anyone "guilt" you out of a ring if you want one. It will remind you of how much you are loved every time you look at it.

travelerkris · September 2012

Not at all. I love my ring, and for me, it was an important part of the proposal.

I have known people who have financed rings they can't afford, and that seems to me a bad financial choice. I have also known girls who have demanded and expected rings far more expensive than their husbands-to-be could afford. That to me, is also not a good idea. You wanting a symbol of your relationship and the commitment to wear everyday? That sounds normal to me.

Good luck - and remember - if he knows a ring is important to you, and he's a good guy, he is likely to buy you one, despite his friend's protestations that the money would be better spent on a motorcycle or trip to Figi or whatever.

ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful · September 2012

You're not crazy! I think legitimate reasons like finances preventing you from getting a ring are acceptable, but what I think would be crazy would be to find out my friend got engaged and did not get a ring, but then her fiancee now went and bought himself a motorcycle. Maybe that's just my group of friends, but that wouldn't go over well.

steign · September 2012

You are definitely not crazy at all for wanting a ring! I think that it's rude and petty to say things like you're a "gold digger" when obviously that is not true at all. You're allowed to do what you want with your hard earned money and people should not tell you or interfere with how you spend it. I have a friend who sounds just like yours does. He would rather buy a new car, clothes, etc. and not finance or spend the money on a ring for his GF. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but, don't let others make you feel bad.

RWS2011 · September 2012

Your friends do sound like twatwads, sorry. Rings don't HAVE to cost the same as a motorcycle, mine sure didn't. There is nothing wrong with wanting a ring. Needing it would be odd, but wanting it sounds normal.

Welcome and tell us more about you! Have you filled out the getting to know you questions?

minskat30 · September 2012

Agreed. I think an engagement ring is more the "norm" than anything else but, that said, it doesn't have to be super pricey if that isn't something you two can afford as a couple. It sounds like one of those guys feels resentful that he has to buy his GF a ring because it is what she wants when he doesn't really care what she wants and he wants to buy a motorcycle.

Then again, I don't know your friends.

Welcome by the way!

ShanMarie513 · September 2012

Oh my goodness, thank you all so much!! It's so nice to know there are other women who don't think getting an engagement ring is such a terrible thing! Thankfully, they aren't my friends, just the rotation of girls the BFs friends bring around every other month. Maybe the next round of girlfriends won't be so bad... haha. I wasn't sure if I should do an introduction post. Honestly, I felt a little odd asking a group of strangers such a silly question and wouldn't have except the situation REALLY bugged me, especially the gold digger bit. But I really appreciate all your encouragement. Next post I'll introduce myself :

Blue & White · September 2012

I don't think you're crazy for wanting a ring - I mean, you obviously know what the ring stands for an all.

I don't think the difference in opinions is due to you being southern and living in Jersey, though. I have plenty of Jersey friends that care about the ring a heck of a lot more than I do (born in Jersey, living in the south for the last way too many years, haha)

missindia87 · September 2012

If I was bass ackwards I'd probably tell you that you are crazy for wanting one...but i'm not and you aren't either!

There's all these new fads and craves that people feed off of..just remember you and your man's love is not the same as those silly friends of his. A committment is amazing and if your man wants to symbolize his love for you with a ring...well then I say "put a ring on it"!!!

peekaboo2011 · September 2012

I'm pretty sure 90% of the women on this site agree with you.

Your friends need an attitude readjustment.

catrb89 · September 2012

That's definitely not a crazy thing. An engagement ring is a very sentimental thing that you wear for the rest of your life, whereas a motorcycle is kind of a selfish purchase that will eventually need to be traded in.
Also, the women who were "agreeing" with their boyfriends were probably just going along with it for their sake.

RamonaFlowers · September 2012

I was born and raised in NJ (I've lived at the shore for over 20 years now) and all of my local friends got rings when they got engaged ... and it never occurred to me not to want one. DH was also born and raised in NJ, and it never occurred to him not to buy a ring when he proposed. So, it's definitely not a "local" thing to think e-rings are a "waste of money" (And honestly, the girl who called you a "gold digger" sounds like she's parroting crap her boyfriend fed her to get out of having to buy her a ring. Seriously, who says sh!t like that to somebody?)

And ftr, if you added up the cost of my e-ring, my wedding band and his wedding band, I can assure you, you would not be able to "buy a motorcycle". Rings don't have to be outrageously expensive. As long as you love it, and can afford it, what does it matter? It's your relationship, not their's. It's none of their business.

shannie11 · September 2012

The guys sound like they do not want to get married and the girls sound like they are too scared to say they actually want one. What girl doesn't want an engagement ring? No one says it has to be big but it should at least be a symbol of love and commitment. A motorcycle really? That sounds like a waste of money. He really isn't ready to commit to her. As for your friend who called you a gold digger. She is prob jealous because she knows her boyfriend won't buy her one and is making you feel bad because you want one and will prob get one before she does. Stop discussing marriage with them until both of the couples are on the same page.

FreeSpirit666 · September 2012

I think your fine. Not sure why your friends are that way, you can dream of what ring you want, I do, all the time lol

DaveandRoxy · September 2012

Those girls are either mean or jealous because they don't have a ring. No you're not a minority in this. I'm a very traditional person and one of those girls who would play pretend wedding and dream of the day it actually happens. Maybe I'm a romantic, idk? But I didn't want the ring for the monetary value but for what it represented. And I'm lucky enough to be with a guy who understands that. If a ring doesn't matter to some people that's totally fine, but it matters to me and I love my ring and the man who gave it to me.... All smiles now

ambrrrrr · October 2012

FWIW, I was one of those "I never want an engagement ring" people and I thought *i* was in the minority. I can't believe people would be so rude. What you want is between you and your boyfriend and not anyone else. If you want a ring, you shoul get one.

Crazy for wanting a ring?

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