Anyone else sick of planning? Vent

mandctaft · February 2012

So I thought my mom would love to help me plan my wedding. She hasn't really shown an interest in helping. My friends help me on and off, but I'm pretty much alone planning this. I know that they aren't required to help, but a hand would be awesome. My FI works a lot and its second shift, so by the time he gets up and gets around for work, there's really no time to help with anything. I've finally got a reception hall booked and now I'm not sure if its going to be big enough. I've been against outdoor weddings since the beginning (I like attending them, I just don't want one) but neither church I've contacted has gotten back to me since there never seems to be anyone there to answer the phone.

FI wants to help, but there's not much he can do. I've hit the point where I just want to give him the list of things we still need and let him do it. I don't want to feel frustrated by this day. Its supposed to be one of the best days of your life. Everytime I get super overwhelmed, I feel like I just want to elope, but I think about it and can't imagine our day without my family. Any ideas on how to de-stress and just take a break when things still need to be done?

Elinetrouwt · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_anyone-else-sick-of-planning-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:34c5a4e0-3f12-4eb5-80e8-fdd7b28f83eePost:2486d1ed-4d23-4d9b-81bf-b32fa074ccc2">Anyone else sick of planning? Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I've hit the point where I just want to give him the list of things we still need and let him do it. I don't want to feel frustrated by this day
Posted by mandctaft[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Why don't you do this? Sure he's got a busy job, but he could do something too, right? </div><div>
</div><div>At the moment I'm pretty frustrated by the cost of everything. I hate how we never come in under budget, always a little or a lot over. And yesterday it finally hit FI that all of this is going to cost, and he got all grumpy, and then I got grumpy too, because after all, he has this gigantic family and he's the one who wanted a large wedding, instead of the small and intimate affair someone else wanted. Yikes!</div><div>
</div>

BmoreBride311 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_anyone-else-sick-of-planning-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:34c5a4e0-3f12-4eb5-80e8-fdd7b28f83eePost:ec505dd7-265e-46f9-8cc5-29d326304566">Re: Anyone else sick of planning? Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Anyone else sick of planning? Vent : Why don't you do this? Sure he's got a busy job, but he could do something too, right? At the moment I'm pretty frustrated by the cost of everything. <strong>I hate how we never come in under budget, always a little or a lot over.</strong> And yesterday it finally hit FI that all of this is going to cost, and he got all grumpy, and then I got grumpy too, because <strong>after all, he has this gigantic family and he's the one who wanted a large wedding</strong>, instead of the small and intimate affair someone else wanted. Yikes!
Posted by Elinetrouwt[/QUOTE]

Arrg, same here! Our guest list is at least 2:1 his side vs. mine. His dad is one of 8, and each of them had a min. of 3 kids, so there are TONS of cousins. Plus, his parents are very social and want to invite all of their friends. Originally, they were paying for most of the wedding so I was okay with inviting who they wanted, but now they have had an unexpected financial crisis, which is making all of us very stressed. It's like every little purchase for the wedding now makes all of us on edge. I wish we would have known this upfront and could have chosen a cheaper venue or caterer, but now that's done so we have to accept the costs as what they are.

Okay, vent over. Sorry Mandctaft! I hope you can get your FI to help out. Remember to just take one thing at a time. Set a goal for your planning. Like you will have a church confimed by Feb 15, or whatever date. Then get it done and move to the next item.

Madisonpenny · February 2012

I'm in the same boat. I have no one helping with the wedding. Fi also tried to help but like you he's always at work and by the time he gets home, he's exhausted.
I also thought my mom would be excited and interested (I am her only daughter and the 1st to get married) but she couldn't care less.
I haven't asked any friends for help because I feel like this is my wedding, I should do the work, but if they offered, I would take it.
Just hang in there, there's only 5 more months to go.

michelle11988 · February 2012

I've only had help from my FI he has thankfully come to most vendor meetings but I am the one that has done all the research, emails, calls, etc. He is also indecisive as all hell and I'm a bit as well so it seemed to be a struggle to book anything. I handed him off to get transportation for our guests now that I work at least 60 hours a week and go to school as well. I don't think he's done anything on it, I'll have to bring it up this weekend with him.

penny12986 · February 2012

My FI and friends haven't helped me either. I have been happy that none of my friends or family were overbearing because the more people involved, the more chaos happens.

My FI didn't go to any of the venue visits when I was searching or meet any of the vendors before I booked them. I asked his opinion on all of the stuff before I booked it but he just isn't into it.

Planning started to get old for me a few months ago. I had a budget meltdown and everything just seemed pointless but now I am back on track and trimmed some stuff down. Somehow, everything will come together for all of us and I think that feeling this way is natural from time to time. It is a new experience for all of us and we should expect to handle it differently.

mekiakoo · February 2012

OP, it obviously looks like you're not the only one feeling this way. Planning a wedding can be very stressful. I am sorry you're feeling like this, I agree it'd be nice to have other people help us or even be as excited as we are!

I'm sure everything will work out at the end. Maybe it'd be a good idea to start looking at your list and decide if some stuff should be thrown out, maybe some things aren't as important.

I feel like I haven't been thinking about wedding or planning anything for the last month or two because of the house. I hope it's not going to come back and bite me in the butt.

Carla1019 · February 2012

I'm sorry ladies you all are feeling so frustrated. Maybe my expectations were very low when I started planning but I knew my FI and I would be the only ones doing everything. For this reason I picked a reception venue that was a one stop shop. They are doing EVERYTHING: decor, center pieces, food/drinks, cake, transportation, etc.

I am tired of giving all my extra money away for this wedding. I'm ready for July to be here already. I planned a mini trip late March for FI birthday just to get my mind off of wedding planning. My FI doesn't make it easier because he is way more anxious then me. He got upset that my mom doesn't have her mother-of-the-bride dress yet. I had to tell him to chill out.

LandB2012 · February 2012

I got really overwhelmed in the beging because I had my hands in everything. Then I made a spreadsheet of everything I had to do and picked only ONE thing to work on at a time. When I got some of the big things checked off, it allowed me to get more excited about the next thing. (ie: when we ordered/received the bridesmaid dresses I realized I was actually excited to pick flowers that matched).

I also tried to line things up in an order that made sense. (I couldn't think about flowers or color schemes until we confirmed the dresses and I couldn't think about a DJ until we had the venue.)

I would also reach out to your mom or your friends and invite them - "Hey, I'm meeting with xxx today and would love if you could come with me to help me decide." I found people didn't want to butt in but once I asked they were heppy to be included! Good luck - you can always come here to vent!

k8888 · February 2012

I feel like I'm kinda in an opposite boat... I think I have TOO MUCH help and all these extra hands are really getting annoying and everyone is so pushy that I feel like it's not even my wedding anymore.

My biggest problem so far has been the guest list. From the very beginning FI told me his side of the list would be very small (25-30 guests) so we selected a venue based off of those numbers, only to find out MONTHS later his mom actually has 80+ people she wants to invite. UGHHHH. So now I'm being forced to invite 40+ people more than the maximum our venue holds and I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS, but both my mom and FMIL insist that all of these extra people won't come. I'm just whatever at this point.

butterflyjumper1 · February 2012

why i can't say that i am sick of it because i am an intense perfectionist and i love planning things...it does get really frustrating to be the only doing anything for the wedding. i have also made every decision there is and done every detail of planning so far. give fiance a list i say! my fiance does what i tell him to, but doesn't take any initiative otherwise because he says i will probably just redo anything that he decides to do (which is probably true).

bells24412 · February 2012

I am sick of planning myself, but you just have to step back and catch your breath. Take time off from planning for a few days or so, that way you can come back with a fresh mind set.

I don't really have anyone helping me either other than my FI which he drives me CRAZY sometimes! I had to call all the vendors, set up appointment, and so on and so forth. He hasn't really done anything except for recently since I have been having a few meltdowns. I don't ask any of my BM's because IMO it is my day, and since I am a little OCD, I have to do everything on my own because that way if something goes wrong or doesn't look a certain way it is on me. I think I have the biggest meltdowns when i have to hand over so much money over and think about all the stuff that still needs to be done.

So like i said, just try and step away for a few days and refresh. Goodluck!

bridetobe71412 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_anyone-else-sick-of-planning-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:34c5a4e0-3f12-4eb5-80e8-fdd7b28f83eePost:3d8e1b98-3520-48fa-a2cc-c4c1d9ebfb16">Re: Anyone else sick of planning? Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]why i can't say that i am sick of it because i am an intense perfectionist and i love planning things...it does get really frustrating to be the only doing anything for the wedding. i have also made every decision there is and done every detail of planning so far. give fiance a list i say! my fiance does what i tell him to, but doesn't take any initiative otherwise because he says i will probably just redo anything that he decides to do (which is probably true).
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

This is too funny. I am the exact same way. I would theoretically love some help...but then I know I'll just redo it anyway since I'll probably want it done differently. Fiance told me he literally could not possibly care less about the majority of what I decide because he "trusts me and that's why he's marrying me..." so I kind of took that and ran with it. :) The only things I gave him to do were the guests' transportation, honeymoon, and paying the officiant, which he's done.

None of my friends are really offering to help, but that's ok, I suppose. Most of them are busy like me and I don't really want to put them to work or anything, I just kind of wish I could share some of this with them.

bridetobe71412 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_anyone-else-sick-of-planning-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:34c5a4e0-3f12-4eb5-80e8-fdd7b28f83eePost:417559b5-fc32-40ac-928b-378d7d746509">Re: Anyone else sick of planning? Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like I'm kinda in an opposite boat... I think I have TOO MUCH help and all these extra hands are really getting annoying and everyone is so pushy that I feel like it's not even my wedding anymore. My biggest problem so far has been the guest list. From the very beginning FI told me his side of the list would be very small (25-30 guests) so we selected a venue based off of those numbers, only to find out MONTHS later his mom actually has 80+ people she wants to invite. UGHHHH. <strong> So now I'm being forced to invite 40+ people more than the maximum our venue holds and I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS, but both my mom and FMIL insist that all of these extra people won't come.</strong> I'm just whatever at this point.
Posted by k8888[/QUOTE]

Holy wow. That's a lot of extra people! I would be furious about that too. My FILs have barely given me anyone to add so I suppose I'm lucky. Our venue holds up to 250 but we're inviting about 220 and of those I'm actually expecting only around 170. (Lots of elderly relatives and people from across the country who probably won't travel.)

Elinetrouwt · February 2012

I hear you ladies! I kind of like that FI is letting me do all the planning, because I like it, but sometimes his non-involvement just gets too much. Tonight, we're supposed to visit a dj, but this afternoon FI called me and asked if we could reschedule. Partly because of legitimate reasons - problems with the plumbing in our house - partly because he is a terrible planning and is not getting his work done. I told him a firm 'no', and he asked no further.

k8888 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_anyone-else-sick-of-planning-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:34c5a4e0-3f12-4eb5-80e8-fdd7b28f83eePost:1519d377-8d33-4420-a50f-37c2b06b4ed1">Re: Anyone else sick of planning? Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else sick of planning? Vent : Holy wow. That's a lot of extra people! I would be furious about that too. My FILs have barely given me anyone to add so I suppose I'm lucky. Our venue holds up to 250 but we're inviting about 220 and of those I'm actually expecting only around 170. <strong>(Lots of elderly relatives and people from across the country who probably won't travel.) </strong>
Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

This is their excuse for inviting so many extra people... which I can see will probably happen, but my point to them was <em>you just never know. </em>And now they're trying to figure out shower invites, but they don't want to add people if I'm not inviting them to the wedding. I may just say f*ck it, and cut their "extras" just for my own peace of mind.

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