I recently became engaged to my boyfriend of four years. Our wedding date is a little over a year away but I have been trying to find a venue as soon as I can. I am also very budget concious since I am just getting out of my college debt that has left me broke for years. That also means that I had to have "the talk" with my parents about contributing to the wedding. I usually don't like taking money from them in any form because it usually gets hung over my head and there's usually many, many strings attached but I had no choice if I wanted to have deposit money to at least book a venue. At first my mom was alright with it and agreed that they would try to put some money aside for this purpose. So I continued my search of proper venues but was running into a lot of trouble finding a cheap place in the Chicagoland area. (Everything is big and fabulous here with a price tag to match!) So I started looking into places in Milwaukee which offers big city choices but at a much better price. Once I told my parents that I was just "looking" into this market they didn't seem bothered by it BUT a few days ago my mom sent a passive-aggressive e-mail that blew my socks off. In the e-mail she said that she could save around $5000 for the wedding by the end of year, she didn't want to do it, she didn't think I deserved it, and that my dad would not be attending the wedding if I had it in Milwaukee. I was really hurt since I am an only child and thought that they were really excited about this wedding. I called my boyfriend crying and he told me to be polite. So I e-mailed them back something like, "I know that you are on a budget and if $5000 sounds like too much, scale it back to better fit your resources. As for dad I would think no amount of distance is too far to travel to see his only daughter get married but if he chooses not to go, that we will miss him". (May I add Milwaukee is only two and half hours from either of our houses.) She fired right back and said that I obviously don't care about my family since I'm going to take all this money and make them pay for a hotel for one or two days and boarding for their dog. She also added that my aunt, uncle, and cousins would feel the same way and made it clear if it was in Milwaukee none of family would come. I am just emotionally wrecked. I feel like they have written their peace in the sand and if I cross them it might be the end of our entire relationship, yet I don't want to keep letting them control me long into my adulthood. What should I do? I've already sent them an e-mail back stating that I am really upset and if money is the issue, then they can feel safe to contribute nothing and I would even pay for their motel and boarding bills if I do decide to go to Milwaukee. Am I being too lenient? Should I let them know I'm very angry or keep trying to be polite? Do they have valid points and should I spend all their money up on a venue that gives me less and costs more? Any advice would be appreciated and help calm my nerves.