Ceremony Times

scoop69 · June 2010

Hey, ladies...I need some opinions regarding wedding times. My FI and I are getting married July 2 next year and had originally thought an evening ceremony (6:30ish) would be good with a finger foods reception afterward. Now his mother has said that she feels if we have a 6:30 wedding that the reception should be dinner, since many family members will have come to church for mass b4 the wedding. So, the idea of an afternoon wedding has now been thrown out there.

I will admit that some of my resistance to the afternoon wedding may be coming from the fact that his mother suggested it.

That is a REALLY long story that I have put on here before. So, I am trying to be objective and consider pros and cons of both.

Opinions? What do y'all see as plusses and minuses to afternoon v. evening wedding plans? Do you agree that a reception starting at 7:30 should be dinner? Other issues you see that don't have to do with my mother-in-law? I already know all those issues LOL.

Thanks in advance!

melissamc2 · June 2010

I'm pretty easy going on any time of morning/day/evening for weddings. I also don't hold by the "a meal must be served at x time of day" rule, either. I go to weddings to see people I either care about or have some passing interest in getting married to one another - that's it. I'm not in it for the meal.

People skip meals, eat light, or adjust their schedules all the time. Having a meal at an off time, or just snacking one evening, isn't going to kill anyone. (I trust anyone who is risking death by not getting a full meal right at 8pm on the dot can work around that.) I guess I'm overly lax on this part of things, but I find it absurd when someone is practically having a coronary over the thought of not getting a FULL MEAL at one event, on one evening, when you KNOW they've skipped a bloody dinner at some point in their life for something far less monumental than a wedding. /end rant.

With all that said - I think you should do what YOU want and what is best for you, your guests, and your budget. If people are coming for the food, they are there for the wrong reason, anyway. Finger foods and cake can say "thank you for coming" just as sincerely as filet mignon can. Just make sure you add "light snacks and cake reception to follow" or something similar so people know what's up just in case their day really does revolve around that full meal mentality!

Good luck and congratulations.

right1thistime · June 2010

my opinion differs from Melissa's. I think that if you host a party at a meal time, you should be sure to provide a meal. If family/friends would be heading to church pre-ceremony, what time is that? If its 5 or so, then it really is challenging to expect them to have eaten. If your ceremony is 6:30-7:30, and your reception is going to be one hour- you could probably get away with apps etc., so they can go home and eat. If its any longer than that, you are making it very challenging for people to eat dinner.
I agree that people CAN skip meals, but so much of our society celebrates with food, that I think it will feel awkward, and people will be hungry and grumpy.

Not sure the afternoon works much better - unless you bump it up to 1:30-2 or so. If you have the ceremony from 4:30-5:30 and the reception after, you are right back where you started, unless of course, you have a very brief reception.

Dinner doesn't have to be filet mignon. A buffet with sandwiches or pasta and meatballs will feed many people without breaking the bank. I think that fancy appetizers can be very expensive sometimes. ~Donna

melissamc2 · June 2010

right1thistime - keep in mind, a lot of people would consider the "meal" you proposed to not be a meal at all. By many of today's wedding standards, you just described light snacks and many would be screaming for a MEAL.

I think that's where the "whatever you want" part comes in for me. With ours, it's pretty clear cut - fancy waiters serving plated meals = meal. I attended a wedding not long ago where people considered it a "finger food" reception (and some complained rather loudly about not getting a "meal") when there were at least a dozen options on the buffet, many which were pasta dishes.

I think the food has started to overshadow the ceremony (not in this post, I mean in general society!), which is kind of a shame in my opinion.

handfast4me · June 2010

I'm of the mindset that a meal should be served at a mealtime, and I think what Donna suggested would be a meal to me.

However, I would really price the appetizers if you're having your reception catered. I have found, time and time again when planning events for my professional society, that if I do a buffet type meal, it's considerably less expensive than stuffed mushrooms, cheese trays, chicken fingers, etc. And less messy, too, because the guests can eat with utensils rather than their hands.

melissamc2 · June 2010

Oh, and I didn't mean to imply that *I* wouldn't consider that a meal, just so that's clear! For me, that'd be more than enough. I rarely eat very much at social functions, regardless. I talk way too much to eat a lot!

msblumoo · June 2010

Our ceremony will be at 6pm on a Saturday evening with our reception following. On the invites we will put cocktail reception to follow.
The following is a reply I gave to another post but it outlines our reception/party...

FI and I just wanted a party not a reception, so we are having our "party" in the Martini Lounge at our Wedding Venue. They also have a chapel there as well. So after the ceremony our guests will go down 4 flights of stairs to the Martini Lounge which has a great old fashioned looking bar and tables and seating so guests can walk around or sit and mingle. Entertainment will be a piano player. Our reception will be open bar with ham carving station, potatoe bar, 4 heavy apps, cheese/cracker tray, veg/dip tray, fruit/dip tray and of course the wedding cake. Three hours in duration although if everyone is having fun and not leaving and we want to go longer we have that option. But honestly I think 3 hours will be just fine

Sue-n-Kevin · June 2010

I guess my answer is sort of a compilation of all of them.

"Meal time" differs from area to area, family to family. We've always eaten dinner around 5 pm, but we get up early in the morning. Some nationalities and geographic areas have later dinner times.

When invited to any celebration, I always arrange my meals around them. If I knew food will be served later, I eat a late lunch or light snack before going. I think most people do that. Of all people, your (presumably) older MIL would know that too.

I also agree with handfast4me, appetizers, especially "hardy" ones, generally cost a lot more than a meal. They require more preparation than a large pan of X meat or X pasta or X side dish. They are "finger foods" because someone cut and prepared them to be small.

You need to decide what YOU want. If you are considering appetizers because they would be cheaper, that's not accurate in most instances. If you want an evening ceremony & reception because you like candlelight & how the ambiance is, then do that and maybe compromise on the food issue & have food stations instead of a meal. You can have a pasta station, Mexican food station, carved meat station, etc, and the cost would be somewhere between the appetizers & a full meal, or the same as a full meal. But that way, your MIL and you have compromised (god forbid!).

Good luck.

scoop69 · June 2010

Thanks, ladies!! I think we are seeing stuff the same. And I agree with the point that a meal can be much cheaper, although that's not the issue. The biggest thing for me was not wanting to be in a wedding dress at 2pm in Tennessee.

I appreciate you all.

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