Take His Last Name?

zsetunsky · August 2012

So I have been wrestling with this idea for a few months now and I know it is not going to go away any time soon. I don't know if I should take my FI's last name. He thinks I should hyphenate because he wants me to be able to keep mine and take his. I have a son from a previous relationship but he only knows my FI as his father. (He is only 3 and I left his biological dad when he was only 4 months old) My son's last name is the same as mine. This is another reason I'm not sure what to do. I don't want him to feel different...not to mention I LOVE my last name. The only thing I'm not sure on hyphenating is what do people call you? Mrs. Smith-Johnson? Mrs. Johnson? Mrs. Smith? It's so confusing! And very long to write..haha. Anyways, has anyone else been through this dilemma or have any advice? It's really stressing me out.

RailWayWife · August 2012

I was bouncing the idea around for about a year after we got engaged. In the end it is a very personal decsion that only you can make. You need to decide what is important to you & your FI. You need to sit down and have a talk with your FI, why does he want you to change your name? Why is it important to him? Why do you want to keep your last name? Change it? Then after taking all this into consideration you can make your choice. Good Luck!

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

IMO, hyphenating only works if you have two short last names. If I would have hyphenated I would have been Mrs. 5letters-10letters, which is entirely too long. If you don't want to take his last name, then don't. I think it's a really personal thing. I talked to my H about it, and it meant more to him that I take his, then it meant to me to keep mine, if that makes sense.

cnf2013 · August 2012

I have a close friend who hyphenated her last name and she only uses it legally. She goes by her husbands name socially and even at school (she's a teacher). She often says she wishes she just took his because being hyphenated, to her, has become somewhat of a nuisance. I plan on taking my FI's last name, but my last name is silly and I'll be happy when it's gone. I agree that it seems like more of a personal decision, but there's my two cents.

UberBiz · August 2012

Can you change your son's last name as well? If the bio-father isn't invovled in anyway, this may be an option for you, especially if your future husband is going to (or has already) legally adopted him?

I just commented on something similar over on another board, but my daughter has my last name, but sees her father regularly and we have joint legal custody. My FI also has a daughter with HIS last name. I'm not changing my last name, even though I would like to because I like the tradition of it, simply because I don't want 3 of us to have the same last name and my daughter be odd one out, so to speak. I've never been a fan of hyphenating to begin with, but when it comes down to the wire, I MIGHT do that, our last names aren't too long 6L-6L. But I'm like you, I LOVE my last name, so probably won't wind up changing it at all.

mrsbiss2be · August 2012

Imo I would say hyphenate your name. If it means that much to you, why not?
As for your son, that's a little trickier. If you feel you want your son to consider your FI as his father I would have the son take your FI last name. If I was in your place that would be what I would do. To make it official.
As for being addressed.....no idea. lol.
But I'm assuming it would be by your married name when being verbally addressed.
As for mail and such I would put both last names on it.

I'm not sure IF I've been very helpful but just thought I'd share my 2 cents!

cwaggoner07 · August 2012

H has two older brothers that were not his dad's biologically, but he adopted them after he married H's mom, and they both took his last name (the two brothers had two different fathers, so they didn't even share a last name together). It made things so much easier, and both of them were in their teens when they took his last name, and neither of them thought much of it.
My strong recommendation is to change your son's name along with your own, since he has no ties to a biological father, and the tie to your name is now changing.

gundy21 · August 2012

I hyphenated. It is 9 letters - 5 letters. Professionally, I tend to introduce myself my dropping his last name and use just my maiden - it is long. But, I didn't get married until I was nearly 38 and was established as my maiden name. Now that we are expecting, I am glad I hyphenated since the little one with be just his last name and it looks like we all belong together.

emeejeeayen · August 2012

I plan to just add my FI's last name on to mine so I have 2 middle names. In case you can't guess my first name from my username, it will be Megan MyMiddle MyLast HisLast. Conversationally I'll just go by Megan HisLast, but all of my documents, whatever, will have the others. Not sure why it makes me feel better about it.

Take His Last Name?

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