Cash Bar??

Sunshiengirl819 · November 2010

Hi,

My fiancee and I are budgeting our wedding, we have decided to do a cash bar. I have read on here that I guess it's "tacky"...why?? Ain't it better than having no bar at all? Neither my fiancee and I drink, not to mention most of my family is alcoholics BUT we still decided to do a cash bar.

I'm sorry, but my thoughts are you can have plenty of fun w/out alcohol...if you do need it, pay for it yourself!!

Beachy730 · November 2010

So if you are set on doing a cash bar, whats the point of your post?

The reason cash bars are tacky is that you are hosting an event, yet asking people to open their wallets. Do you host dinners at your house and charge people for beer? Much better solutions are to offer just beer and wine, or do a signature drink, or do a consumption bar.

JadziaDax · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b6c1b097-5d39-404b-9cec-a03a3c5eba65Post:2266efd1-89db-4aa9-934b-a663c6de415e">Cash Bar??</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, My fiancee and I are budgeting our wedding, we have decided to do a cash bar. I have read on here that I guess it's "tacky"...why?? Ain't it better than having no bar at all? Neither my fiancee and I drink, not to mention most of my family is alcoholics BUT we still decided to do a cash bar. I'm sorry, but my thoughts are you can have plenty of fun w/out alcohol...<strong>if you do need it, pay for it yourself!!
</strong>Posted by Sunshiengirl819[/QUOTE]

People on here have mixed opinions regarding cash bars. Cash bars are tacky because guests shouldn't have to pay to celebrate someone else's wedding. Do I think it's better than having no bar at all- yes. But if you're going to do this, please find a way to let your guests know since many people attend wedding receptions without their wallet/money.
I do agree with DNBeach's suggestion to have wine and beer, or a signature drink if you can afford it. FWIW, I gave up drinking over two years ago, believe you don't need to drink to have a good time but am having an open bar so guests who do drink can be accommodated. Do what you want, but that pay for it yourself attitude makes you sound rude.

SaraAndrew2010 · November 2010

You have a fiance, not a financee.

And no, I don't think a cash bar is better than no alcohol. Serve what you can afford. If that's an open bar, great. If it's just beer and wine, that's fine. And if it's no alcohol, that's also ok. I recommend snazzing up a dry reception with fun non-alcoholic drinks. Think punches, cider, hot cocoa.

But don't invite guests to your wedding and expect them to pull out their wallets for part of the evening. As PP said, you wouldn't invite friends over to dinner and then tell them that it's $5 if they want a glass of wine.

kimp67 · November 2010

I would much rather attend a wedding that has no bar at all than a cash bar.

banana468 · November 2010

I think you need to read a few books on etiquette.

AdeleDazeem · November 2010

If you can't afford alcohol or don't want alcohol, then don't have alcohol. That's not a problem.

However, the attitude of "if you want, you pay for it" is not okay.

Think about the DJ or the food. You wouldn't say "Oh, the food is so expensive! Let's have the guests pay $5 for it so they at least can eat."

Why is it okay to do that with a bar? (psssst - the answer is "it's not.")

katheriner89 · November 2010

either go with NO bar or have a beer/wine.
atleast have enough drinks for ppl to have 2 drinks free, then have them pay for drinks after they have had those 2 "free" drinks. do something, I went to a wedding with a cash bar & didn't bring cash because I just figured it was an open bar.
not good.

megk8oz · November 2010

Would you charge your guests for a piece of the cake? Because, really, you don't 'need' a piece of the cake to have a good time.

banana468 · November 2010

I'd rather have to pay for the cake than pay for what I drink.

I can always skip dessert. Offering beverages to guests is PART of the meal. You're not doing them favors by saying "If you want it, pay for it." If you want THEM to attend then pay for what they drink.

BrownGal34 · November 2010

I dont find a cash bar rude. I plan on having a cash bar, and all the other people in my family have had a cash bar. My fiance's family has always had a cash bar and no one has every found it rude (that i have heard of).Yes it WOULD be nice to have an open bar and let thoes who dont know their limit (and there are usually a few at every wedding) drink untill their socks fall off. But in reality i have seen that when you have a cash bar more people are aware of how much they are drinking, and usually stop before they hit their limit.

Even though i am having a cash bar i am offering a bottle of white and red wine at every table.

I dont find you need to drink to have a good time. And i also find that alot of these replys are abit harsh.(Also the same point is being said over and over again)

AdeleDazeem · November 2010

The willful ignorance of logic in both of these threads is making me crazy. The end.

mslady1e · November 2010

When its all said and done, its YOUR day regardless of what anyone else thinks or does. You should do what you can afford and think is best. Because you choose to have a cash bar at your wedding does not mean you are rude. To be honest, I believe the responses from many on here was rude. If you can afford an open bar great go for it. If you can only afford a cash bar that is great as well. You asked for opinions not your character to be judged. You do what ever it is you can afford and want to do sweetheart and I hope your wedding day is the best day of your life.

tyvining · November 2010

im kinda of torn too my wedding planner is saying cash bar is the only way to go, that it will cost us less money thats great but on the other hand in my heart its telling me no cash bar can i afford really no . my option that im think is include 2 drinks tags per person in my invite and say it a cash bar after is that to tacky or what should i do. it will be 200 people there please help

tyvining · November 2010

oh yeah a little curve ball to add to it , its going to be a 1920 wedding speakeasy reception so i dont know if the cash bar will go over with the guest please help i need to know the wedding is in may 2011

misssarahjane · November 2010

If you have strong opinions about alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable not to serve it. Have your caterer or a bartender create some signature mocktails. You can have a lot of fun with this. Since you have an autumn wedding in Maine, why not play up the season? You could do virgin hot toddies, spiced ciders, or sparkling apple drinks, all without the hefty liquor bill.
As long as you are offering your guests something, then you're fine. Lose the "if they want it, they can pay for it" attitude. If you're strongly against it, your guests should understand your decision and be fine with mocktails.
If you are going to serve alcohol - avoid the cash bar. There are some tricks to limiting the liquor bill without making your guests pay out of pocket after paying for your gifts, their outfits, hair, accomodations, etc. Limiting service hours is one way - ie. close the bar during dinner and make sure the tables are stocked with sparkling water and/or gingerale. Another way is simply to limit selection - serve only a signature drink - like a cranberry martini. People generally won't consume as much if there's only one option, especially if it's sweet. And they can't complain about no alcohol!
Hope this helps, and good luck.!

MeaghanandMichael · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b6c1b097-5d39-404b-9cec-a03a3c5eba65Post:73224178-a2f3-4cae-8c15-9c44ff1c4b53">Re: Cash Bar??</a>:
[QUOTE]When its all said and done, its YOUR day regardless of what anyone else thinks or does. You should do what you can afford and think is best. Because you choose to have a cash bar at your wedding does not mean you are rude. To be honest, I believe the responses from many on here was rude. If you can afford an open bar great go for it. If you can only afford a cash bar that is great as well. You asked for opinions not your character to be judged. You do what ever it is you can afford and want to do sweetheart and I hope your wedding day is the best day of your life.
Posted by mslady1e[/QUOTE]

When will the 'vomit' emoticon be available on the knot again?

mnp13 · November 2010

Seriously, what is so offensive?

If people don't want to pay for the drinks, they don't have to HAVE any drinks. It's really quite simple. You're not charging admission. I've been to cash bar weddings, if I don't have money with me, I don't drink it's quite simple. I didn't get offended by it.

I have never in my life understood the attitude that alcohol is necessary to have a good time. (And as a long time former rugby player, I know about "drinking to have a good time.")

I am assuming that all n-a drinks are free? Good.

I do have to agree that "if you must have it then pay for it" is a rather rude attitude. I look at it as "if you would like to enjoy alcohol, you are welcome to it, but provide it for yourself."

I have a wedding website (I am a web developer and designer) and that is going to be part of my "FAQ" page, so it's not a surprise to anyone. We are putting beer and wine on the tables, and likely haveing a one or two hour cash bar. If people "need" booze to have fun, well, they can get it. If they can "settle" for wine and beer, there will be a finite amount (with our personal labels on them.)

I'm a wedding photographer, I have seen what alcohol can do to a reception. If you are truly in danger of that, I would encourage you to make it a dry reception, because as a few people have said, people DO get drunk on their own dime every day at bars everywhere.

To the person who re-arranged their entire wedding (cut the guest list, changed the honeymoon, etc) so that people could drink I feel sorry for you. To be bound by what other people might think of you, and so worried that people might get offended because you don't feel a need to provide them with liquid fun. Well, that's just sad.

Good hosting does NOT require letting people drink, this attitude that "guests deserve liquor" is silly to me.

Rockerchick842 · November 2010

"my state if I had an open bar, and people got drunk then jumped in their car intoxicated and killed someone. I would be the one responsible.

Plus I want my wedding to be enjoyable experience, not a bunch of people taking advantage of having free drinks, getting intoxicated and being rude."

KS is the same way. However, there is a special kind of insurance that can be purchased to counteract this (some venues even require it). Secondly, even if people are made to purchase their own drinks, it will not counteract drunken debauchery (have you ever been to a bar?). A cash bar will do little to curb people drinking to excess. People who enjoy drinking in large amounts will drink regardless of who is footing the bill. Offering mocktails/soda instead would be the best way to prevent guests from over-indulging and becoming "rude".
I would be better to be good host/hostess and not serve alcohol than to insult your guests.

lyndausvi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b6c1b097-5d39-404b-9cec-a03a3c5eba65Post:41cadd16-ac8d-45b8-b0bb-7d13bc657a52">Re: Cash Bar??</a>:
[QUOTE]. Good hosting does NOT require letting people drink, this attitude that "guests deserve liquor" is silly to me.
Posted by mnp13[/QUOTE]

Good hosting means you do not make your guests pay for anything.

Separating non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks into what you are or are not going to pay for is silly to me. Either make them all free, or don't have alcohol available. It's pretty simple to me.

for the record - I've only been invited to 1 cash bar wedding out of the 40+ I've attended. Some expectations are based on experience. If you have been attending weddings since you were 5 and everyone had an open bar, then it's not too far off base to think they are expected. (not that I drank at 5, but I attended my older cousins' weddings and I can assure you none of them were cash bars, it's a major taboo in our circle) Also we do not view weddings as a special circumstance when it comes to hosting. If we offer you something to drink at our home, then we would offer you drinks at our wedding. The only difference is the wedding is larger, but we seem to figure it out how to make it work.

On the other hand if you have always attended a cash bar, it's safe to say you do mind because it's all you know.

That is why this argument is dumb. We all have experiences that back up our feelings on the subject.

youngad · November 2010

I think a couple ppl are gettin kinda testy...anywho i dont see a problem. I went to a very elegant reception with a cash bar during cocktail hour and the groom brewed his own beer as a plus... i agree. if you nor your fiance drink (wasn't really necessary to correct her spelling either) but guests have been hinting about alcohol let them pay for it. or if you can budget for a signature drink do a hosted signature drink...whatever floats your boat...we are in a recession...whatever you do be blessed

banana468 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b6c1b097-5d39-404b-9cec-a03a3c5eba65Post:f9b773a8-0170-4a0f-8f05-efd52f8731e3">Re: Cash Bar??</a>:
[QUOTE]I think a couple ppl are gettin kinda testy...anywho i dont see a problem. I went to a very elegant reception with a cash bar during cocktail hour and the groom brewed his own beer as a plus... i agree. if you nor your fiance drink (wasn't really necessary to correct her spelling either) but guests have been hinting about alcohol let them pay for it. or if you can budget for a signature drink do a hosted signature drink...whatever floats your boat...we are in a recession...whatever you do be blessed
Posted by youngad[/QUOTE]

What the bride and groom host should really have NOTHING to do with whether or not they'd consume it. The reception is FOR the guests - not the coujple who were just married. I'm not a big beer drinker but we had 6 types available to drink. It was about being good hosts to our guests.

Yes, we're in a reception but that means hosting an event that's within your means. I'd rather a much more casual reception with an open bar than an "elegant" reception that requires me to dip into my wallet if I want something alcoholic to drink.

jesiwid · November 2010

I dont think its tacky at alll where I am from every wedding is cash bar.... Its just to expensive and people get to drunk. At my wedding we are doing 2 free drinks only the rest they will pay for, the money is going toward our honeymoon so I think its a great idea. And you dont have to worry as much about people getting trashed at YOUR wedding. Everyone else that gave advise must have lots of money because alcohol is very pricy!!!!
Hope you have a good time!

lyndausvi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_cash-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b6c1b097-5d39-404b-9cec-a03a3c5eba65Post:f5bde3a6-af67-436a-b099-2dfdf4aeed03">Re: Cash Bar??</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think its tacky at alll where I am from every wedding is cash bar.... Its just to expensive and people get to drunk. At my wedding we are doing 2 free drinks only the rest they will pay for, the money is going toward our honeymoon so I think its a great idea. And you dont have to worry as much about people getting trashed at YOUR wedding. Everyone else that gave advise must have lots of money because alcohol is very pricy!!!! Hope you have a good time!
Posted by jesiwid[/QUOTE]

So you think it's a great idea to make money off of our family and friends for your honeymoon? Really? some host you are. It's one thing to have a cash bar and the money goes to a venue. It's another when the couple profits from their guests..

I give a very nice gift , if I found out you were making money off of me I would grab my gift and walk out.

meganiobe · November 2010

Just to throw this out there ... I have been to probably 20 weddings in my life, and never have I been to a wedding with an open bar. Every wedding has had some sort of a cash bar. I am paying for beer and wine at our wedding, but there will be other options available, people will just have to pay for liquor out of pocket

banana468 · November 2010

You DO realize that the point of this forum is open communication. Do you honestly think that if people find an idea to be awful then they should go silent so the OP can just be validated? What does that accomplish exactly?

Keep in mind that etiquette isn't really open to interpretation. You can choose to follow it or not but you can't decide that you're above the rules.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

I still have yet to meet someone who thinks cash bar is perfectly acceptable, but is not doing it at her own wedding. It tends to be pretty universally an argument of, "Well, I'm doing it that way, so it's totally fine."

jesiwid · December 2010

I am from Arizona and yes the bride and groom are responsible for there drunk gest. If one of them were to leave and kill someone that falls back on us. Its the liqueur law!!! Just like the bar tender is responsible for cutting someone off. I dont know why some people have to be so rude toward this post. She wanted an opinon not for people to basicly bash her and tell her to read a book on etiquette. This should be a sit for helping brides! Yes we want an opionon but not for you people to be rude the way you are...

Sunshiengirl, its your wedding maybe ask some of your friends and family what they think about a cash bar. They know you better then everyone on this site they might understand how your quest will reacte to a cash bar.

julichris · December 2010

we are providing various alcoholic drinks at our wedding but if anyone chooses they may splurg for other drinks. I worked a reception where 25 people ran up a $500 tab in 2 hours. so i can get what shes trying to say. maybe put a 2 or 3 drink limit and let them get the bill after that?
I only drink a certain type of alcohol so i understand others wanting whiskey when im only providing champagne and beer. I unfortunately cannot afford to pay $6 for a drink because of this i am giving them the alternative to dip into their pockets if its that important to drink a specific thing. It may be tacky but there are family members that (and this is pathetic) but will not attend if there is absolutely no bar.
You could always to a BYOB (bring your own bottle) i personally think that would be trashy so i perfer to break ettiquette instead of my wedding turning into a high school party.
i have been to many weddings where a cash bar was held and no one seemed to mind so i guess if your guests dont mind, why not?
lol no offense if i disagreed with anyone. but i see both sides

julichris · December 2010

Even though it goes against ettiquette i do think cash bars are fine. I understand alcohol is expensive (here its about $10 for a shot of Patron. i worked in a bar last semester to get through college and ive seen tabs get outa control quick) and with 100 guest it adds up quick. You are inviting them to celebrate but that does not meet you have to get them drunk. I think id rather (from the view point as a guest) have the option to get my own drink from a cash bar then not have anything at all but im also very low maintenance and appreciate that a meal and non-alcoholic drinks have been provided for me.

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