How to ask

jlbarbone · April 2010

So we have been engaged 4 months now, and still have a year before the wedding. I was thinking about asking people to be in our wedding party soon, but it seems as though some of the excitement has been lost. I know everyone on this board says it's good to wait, but then how do you renew the excitement when you ask people, when it's at the point that they are almost expecting it? If anyone has any ideas of creative/fun ways to ask please let me know!

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Why are you so focused on the excitement? Planning is a long process and a good friend will be excited regardless.

xoxob · April 2010

I'm officially asking my WP in Sept. They all know that I am asking them, but it doesn't matter because they are just excited to be in my wedding. At the same time, I don't talk to them about wedding stuff unless they ask, so they're not overrun.

aecappelli · April 2010

I was actually wondering if they make stationary or cards that are made especially for asking people to stand up for them (I wouldn't be surprised, they have cards for everything else). You could invite them over for drinks or snacks or whatever you want and have the cards at each of their place settings. You could even make them yourself if you can't find them, especially if you are into stamping or creative on the computer. I am thinking of doing something like this. I can't fully take the credit because I read this somewhere along the way but I think I'm going to have a small cake for each of them in their favorite color with "Will you be my bridesmaid?" on it. My mom makes cakes so this idea might be a little easier for me than others, but anything you do from the heart, I'm sure they will appreciate and feel very honored!

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:350f8545-e25a-4fb4-9a5b-ff70070b0a54Post:b7d4462f-f05a-440b-bc9c-dc2606fade85">Re: How to ask</a>:
[QUOTE]I was actually wondering if they make stationary or cards that are made especially for asking people to stand up for them (I wouldn't be surprised, they have cards for everything else). You could invite them over for drinks or snacks or whatever you want and have the cards at each of their place settings. You could even make them yourself if you can't find them, especially if you are into stamping or creative on the computer. I am thinking of doing something like this. I can't fully take the credit because I read this somewhere along the way but I think I'm going to have a small cake for each of them in their favorite color with<strong> "Will you be my bridesmaid?</strong>" on it. My mom makes cakes so this idea might be a little easier for me than others, but anything you do from the heart, I'm sure they will appreciate and feel very honored!
Posted by aecappelli[/QUOTE]

It's not a proposal. Just ask them. No need for silly stuff.

OP, most people on here will tell you to wait because there are posts daily from people who asked early and have lost touch with a person in the BP or something like that. They want to know how to demote them or fire them, and well- you can't. So yeah the initial "OMG you're engaged!!!!!!!" excitement is over, but your friends will be happy when you ask them 6-9 months out.

baystateapple · April 2010

Honestly, all of my BMs already knew they were going to be in my wedding LONG before I asked them. But they were still excited when I did ask. Don't worry. Like M&M said, a good friend will be excited for you, no matter when you ask.

jagore08 · April 2010

Papyrus has "Will you be my bridesmaid?" cards.

xoxob · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:350f8545-e25a-4fb4-9a5b-ff70070b0a54Post:5a1c8007-2588-4e6c-b0ac-5fbe2c20c4a4">Re: How to ask</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask : It's not a proposal. Just ask them. No need for silly stuff. Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

So, you think my scattered rose petals and scented candles idea is overkill?

CTGirl30 · April 2010

I got engaged in April 2009 and didn't ask my bridesmaids until Sept 2009 (wedding is in May 2010). It took me that long to think about who I was going to ask since I'm lukcy enough to have 2 groups of very good friends and it was a tough decision and I didn't want any regrets down the line or to have asked too soon when there was really nothing to do in terms of worrying about finding BM dresses, etc...so waiting actually helped maintain some of the excitment b/c by the time I did ask we were closer to the actual wedding rather than still being like a year out. Ha, I waited so long that my close friends were like, "Dude. When are you going to ask people? We need to start planning things." Ha. But I'm glad I did wait and I just asked each girl individually over dinner out "Will you do me the honor of being a bridsmaid in my wedding?" (One girl I called and I asked her over the phone). Each time it was special.

You don't need to go crazy or make a big production out of asking. You'll have plenty to spend your money on when it comes to planning your wedding so save your energy & finances for that rather than doing elaborate things - the honor is in the asking....not in how someone is asked. I still remember every time I have been asked to be in a wedding and it was either a simple, in person thing or a phone call and I was so touched. I didn't need fancy cards / cute poems / elaborate cakes.

amarch · April 2010

I used Jenny Sweeney cards and wrote each of them a note.

http://www.jennysweeneydesigns.com/js/collection.aspx?p1=bridal&p2=bridal&p3=null

I understand wanting everyone to be excited for you, but they will be, regardless of timing, as long as you don't talk about your wedding so much that they all get tired of hearing about it.

Have fun asking them!

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:350f8545-e25a-4fb4-9a5b-ff70070b0a54Post:f5547a81-e1b4-4cf6-8e05-a4ae87716a8d">Re: How to ask</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask : So, you think my scattered rose petals and scented candles idea is overkill?
Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

That may be, but you should certainly write them a poem and make it fun with a scavenger hunt around town and each place has a different part of the question. So it starts with *insert cheesy poem liner here* to lead you to place 1 where it says "WILL" as the first clue. Then lead them to "YOU"-"BE"-"MY"&"BRIDESMAID?!?!"

It is certainly memorable, and can even get your future bridesmaids to know eachother. What better way to find their leadership skills and ability to work well with others!

trix1223 · April 2010

When the time is right, just ask them. Wait to ask, and everyone will be happier. And it doesn't have to be a big production. The wedding industry does its best to make you think that EVERY STINKIN' THING about your wedding has to be a big production. It doesn't.

Will they be less excited to be asked in person than to get a cookie shaped like a dress or a card? The honor is in BEING asked, not in HOW you're asked.

banana468 · April 2010

Trix always says it so well.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

Personally, turning asking your wedding into a big production doesn't so much tell your bridesmaids, "Look how much I love and appreciate you!" as "I am going to be a giant pain in the butt until the last thank you is sent, so you might as well brace yourself now." And I'm not being facetious about this: it emphasizes style over substance, and brides who are in the habit of doing that are also in the habit of pissing off their friends until no one wants to be around them anymore, all in the name of "the perfect day."

Seriously, just ask. It makes everyone's life easier.

beamer84 · April 2010

I just asked them. Some of my BMs are local, but about half live over an hour away. One lives in Germany.

I tried to ask in person when I could, on the phone when I couldn't, and through email for my German friend. There was no big production. I didn't plan anything special around asking them. All of them were very excited when I asked them.

jlbarbone · April 2010

Thanks for all your advice, although it's not so much that I need it to be a big production, or that I expect everyone to be as excited about my wedding as I am. I just feel like they have been asking and wondering whether we are even having a wedding party or not, because that was up for debate for a while, so I want to really let them know how much it means to us by making it special.

saxy414 · April 2010

Just asking will make it special. If you can think of something nice and heartfelt to say to them when you do it, that would be all the "production" you need. If you really wanted some kind of little gift to go along, you could find something--but it's really not necessary. Like someone up above said, the honor is in being asked--not the way you ask. You don't need anything extra to show them that it really means a lot to you, they'll get it.

Piru · April 2010

I think cards and stuff are kind of corny. Just ask.

Two of mine know, still need to ask one that's sort of unofficial since I haven't known her as long as my other two BMs.

JennaV26 · April 2010

Call me cheesy but I wanted to ask all my girls in a special way! I bought some "Will You be my BM" cards and I wrote a note in them for each girl. I gave my BFF from HS a bouquet of flowers and then for my MOH (my sister) and my BFF I wrote them each raps! Sounds lame, I know but my BFF and I would make up raps in the library when we got sick of studying so it seemed appropriate. I also do some creative and layout design so I put it together in InDesign with our pictures everywhere... Then my sister wanted one

How to ask

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