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Mom vs. Bridesmaids?

eguerra23eguerra23 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments
in Latino Weddings
I am Mexican, and my FI is American. Though we aren't engaged by American terms - meaning he hasn't proposed - he has already brought his parents over to my parents house and asked for my dad's blessing to marry me, which to MY family means we are engaged and planning! (We already have a date set, just waiting on the ring!) :)

Anyway, my mom is VERY excited - I am her only daughter and, with my FI's agreement, we are planning a traditional Catholic wedding and a traditional Mexican reception (dollar dance, baile de la vibora, mariachi, etc).

So of course, in keeping with Mexican tradition, my mom keeps telling me that it's the mother of the bride and family who plans the bridal shower, bachelorette party, look for the bride's dress... basically, she wants to be a part of everything! Which is pretty much fine by me and my FI, and I think she will be fine to let us pick out things on our own when we want to.... but the problem is she is already getting defensive because I told her my MOH and bridesmaids (in American tradition) will plan a bridal party only bachelorette party and usually help the bride get ready on the day of, etc. She got a little dramatic, "I guess I won't get to help you do anything", and of course it is stressing me out!

My question is, what do you guys think I should do in splitting up 'jobs?' My bridesmaids are already talking about planning things as well as my mom. So I was thinking my bridesmaids will help me pick out their dresses, plan my 'bridesmaids only' bachelorette party, where as my mom can throw a bridal shower (which in her eyes will be the despidida de soltera) and give her input with the little details (flowers, invitations, etc)... thanks!! Sorry so long!
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Re: Mom vs. Bridesmaids?

  • preciosa4preciosa4 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm.... I'm assuming that you 1) live in the U.S. and 2) mom is from Mexico?  If so, on the bachelorette party issue, maybe you can explain it in terms of being a cultural thing?  (I'm writing this as a gringa :)  

    I'd say it this way: the bachelorette party is an American tradition very different from the wedding shower.  It is meant to be a bit of a "farewell to singlehood" and is usually a bit more...raucus... than a shower.  (Which isn't to say that you will misbehave, mind you!)  It is seen, in this culture as more of a "girlfriend thing" than a "mom thing."  It isn't meant to exclude the mother; it is, just by its nature, about girlfriends.  (For what it's worth, Dads don't generally take part in planning a bachelor party, either.)  It's NOT an anti-mom thing: it is just a different cultural tradition, is all...

    I think I'd emphasize all the things you DO want her involvement in, and I'd probably consider letting her in on the day of preparations as well, if that is something that is important to her.  (She may have always dreamed of helping you with your make-up, hair, or jewelry, or whatever.)

    In the meantime, try not to let this get you down and congratulations on your engagement!  (By the way, to this American girl at least, you sound engaged to me, ring or not!)
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  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    About the parties, yes you're talking about two different events...  Just make that clear to your mom.  The shower should be all her.  The bachelorette party should be your girlfriends.

    As to help with the wedding planning itself, that really is more your mom's role.  In the Mexican culture - I live in Mexico - bridesmaids don't really even exist and moms play a huge role in the wedding planning.

    I can see where she would feel slighted because involving the bridesmaids so much would really be perceived as stepping on her toes.  Of course they should help you pick out their dresses, etc. but your mom's going to be hurt if you limit her role or assign parts of her role to them.

    And on the big day, your mom would probably be absolutely crushed if she's not the one helping you get ready.  You can always go to the salon, etc. with your girls...  But let your mom help you put your dress on.  That's a very special moment for the two of you. 
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  • heidi1068heidi1068
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    The things that your mom wants to do don't sound any different than what my gringa mother wants to do.  And the solutions seem to be the same.  I agree that some explanation of the difference between bachelorette party and bridal shower is in order, but as for everything else, let your mom be as involved as you are comfortable with.  As for getting ready on the wedding day, I think it is very common in both culltures for the mother to be involved in helping the bride, so I don't see this as an issue since it does not sound like you don't want your mom to be around.  And as for the bridal shower and other things--your bridesmaids will probably be relieved that she is taking the burden and expense off of them.

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  • eguerra23eguerra23 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! :) Fortunately, my mom apologized a few days later and admitted she's just jealous that she might not get to help with EVERY thing. I reminded her that she is the only person other than my fiance who gets to help me decide on every little detail! So it's okay after all - I was just super stressed that night!
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