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Poll: Wedding Etiquette Do's and Don'ts

What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 

What rules do you see as old fashioned?

Have you broken any rules so far?
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Re: Poll: Wedding Etiquette Do's and Don'ts

  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 

    I think the absolute most important wedding do is hand writing thank you notes.  They can be easy to procrastinate, but are absolutely essential.  IMO, the most important wedding don't is uninviting guests.  I totally feel for the people who get caught in a bind, but uninviting people can really ruin friendships.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?

    Seating arrangements.  I think they are great if your wedding guests match up to the tables perfectly, but I spent weeks on a seating chart that we didn't even use!  People were RSVP'ing the week before the wedding!  Plus, it seemed like there was always going to be someone left out.

    Have you broken any rules so far?

    After my shower, I used a few of our gifts.  I couldn't help myself!  Eek!  Glad to get that off my chest :)
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    Sticking with tradition as much as possible is very important to me. I'm very old fashioned. The biggest don't, IMO, is probably uninviting guests like Nilla said and having a "kids only" table, where children are required to sit away from their parents. The biggest do is TY notes and sticking to tradition.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    There's not many that seem old fashioned, but there's some new ones I'm not a big fan of. I really don't like that BMs are only "required" to buy their dresses and show up. Yes, that's what is required of them, but if my bridal party has no desire to help me or talk wedding with me or spend time with me.... then why do I want them standing up with me?

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    Probably. Shhh Wink
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    Do: Research costs, make a budget, prioritize what is important to you and FI.
    Don't: Wait until the last minute to start planning, shopping, etc.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    Having to have a dance floor, waiting to cut the cake until 1 hour before the reception ends, escort cards [our reception will be hors d'oeuvres and open seating, otherwise I might feel differently], B&G not to see each other before the ceremony.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    I don't think so... but the wedding is still a year away so I still have time!
    "Plus who needs a purse when you have a wedding dress? Those things are like walking hobo bags just waiting to be stuffed with surprise treasures." -Wedinator.com image
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    This is not really etiquette but it is more common sense to me....don't forget that your guests are your guests, not personal shoppers or accessories to your day.  Yes, without the B&G there wouldn't be a wedding but without the guests there wouldn't be one either.


    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    Handwriting anything.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    We did DIY invitations/RSVP/etc and printed them all though we did personalilze as much as we could.  Even the RSPV card and return envelopes have the guests name on them.
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 

    Do: make sure your wedding celebration is a blend of ideas/customs/traditions of both bride and groom; plan ahead, look for deals, coupons, etc bc they can save you money

    Don't: uninvite people (blows my mind that people do it), think your BM's are slaves and should do everything for you

    What rules do you see as old fashioned? hmm, I think we hit most of the traditional things bc I am a bit old fashioned I guess

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    yup, we used address labels (they were nice ones though) for our invites. I know it is against etiquette, but they weren't super formal anyway and they looked fine
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    IMHO, some etiquette rules are important, like as previously mentioned not un-inviting guests.  That's rude.  Handwriting out thank you notes in a timely manner is being polite.  But some seem like they are still lingering around from 1950 something and are dated.  I couldn't care less what color dresses the MOB & MOG wear.  As long as it isn't white, or jeans and tshirt it's fine with me.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    Not seeing each other before, seating charts (I've never even been to a wedding with assigned seats/tables and I've been to a lot of weddings), just a lot of the "stuffier" ones that people in my social circle don't really live by.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    Oooooh, I'm sure of it.  And I probably don't know half of the ones I've broken either!
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  • I think the most important rules are the ones that involve hosting your guests properly and treating them all equally.  I am most offended by tiered receptions and the like.  Also, anything that involves deceiving your guests - not telling them you are already married, registering for gifts knowing full well you will return them for cash, etc.

    I left off titles in addressing the invitations.
    Married 10/2/10
  • I could do without seating arrangements, I don't understand large WP's (I see that more for a quinceanera), I agree with  christinelyn013... :
    if the bridesmaids just buy a dress and stand there next to you at ceremony and take pictures with you, what's the difference of them and guests ? I think they should plan the pre-wedding parties and that's how I've always seen it. I read posts where knotties say the bride shouldn't throw herself a b-party or shower & then her BM's are just supposed to show up to wedding....who then throws the pre-wedding parties ? Geez !

    I don't believe in handwriting invites, just the thank you notes, I think it looks neater that way.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_poll-wedding-etiquette-dos-donts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ca04e3f2-b7c4-4e4f-af8a-ff3ea7b5f4ffPost:91fd16da-5834-4b44-9777-25a8056ee66c">Re: Poll: Wedding Etiquette Do's and Don'ts</a>:
    [QUOTE]I could do without seating arrangements, I don't understand large WP's (I see that more for a quinceanera), I agree with   christinelyn013... : if the bridesmaids just buy a dress and stand there next to you at ceremony and take pictures with you, what's the difference of them and guests ? I think they should plan the pre-wedding parties and that's how I've always seen it. I read posts where knotties say the bride shouldn't throw herself a b-party or shower & then her BM's are just supposed to show up to wedding....who then throws the pre-wedding parties ? Geez ! I don't believe in handwriting invites, just the thank you notes, I think it looks neater that way.
    Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

    If the BMs <em>offer</em> to throw pre-wedding parties, then that's great.  They just aren't <em>obligated</em> to do so.  And anybody other than the bride and groom can throw them, they don't need to be in the WP.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to Poll: Wedding Etiquette Do's and Don'ts:
    What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    As many others have said, I believe promptly handwriting thank you notes is very important. 
    I'm a hold out for still believing that it is not appropriate to use lables or computer print directly on invitation envelopes. 
    In general, I believe it's very important not to be or appear gift-grabby, which includes not mentioning regsitries or gifts on the invitations, not inviting non-wedding guests to the shower, and not having tiered receptions

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    I tend to be a stickler for wedding etiquette.  I think most etiquette is there for a reason - to be polite and make other people feel comfortable and respected.  The only rules I think are old-fashioned are things like saying wedding guests shouldn't wear black or red.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    There's going to be a gap between my 3:00 Catholic mass and the reception. 
  • edited August 2010
    What rules do you see as old fashioned?

    I think the notion that parents are in any way financially responsible for the wedding is old fashioned. On the same note, I feel that if parents offer to pay for some or all of the wedding, that doesn't give them carte blanche to disregard the opinions of the bride and groom. I think if someone is offering help in any way, financial or otherwise, it should be out of generosity, not because they want control!
  • Also, sorry for the bold, it was a formatting snafu :-P
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 

    Do: Put the focus on the spiritual nature of the event, not scoring some really great gifts or hosting a family reunion blowout party.
    Don't: Don't print invitation envelopes, don't have a serve-yourself-and-walk-across-a-big-floor buffet.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned? Being given away.

    Have you broken any rules so far? Yes, even though I am perceived as promoting 1957 rules.  For example, we had a morning wedding followed by lunch, we had a reception but no dancing, we had our mothers sign the wedding cert because <gasp> we had no WP, we had no garter toss / bouquet toss, etc.
  • DO send handwritten thank-you notes promptly, and don't make your guests address them (saw this at a shower).
    DO include everyone you sent STD's to (if you used them)
    If you're a guest, DO RSVP on time, and only for those on the invite!
    DON'T make your guests wait more than an hour between the ceremony and before you show up at the reception (includes travel time)
    DON'T include registry info. with your invite.

    We're skipping the part about not seeing each other before the wedding, as I want to take pictures first, so our guests don't have to wait.

    I hope I haven't broken any important rules--we'll see....
  • edited August 2010
    What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette?  I think that ensuring that your guests are comfortable and entertained is the biggest "Do."  Make sure each guest has a seat for the ceremony and reception, have a range of food options, do not have a 'cash-only' bar, etc.

    Big "Don't" issues for me include tiered receptions, B-list invites, going over your venue limit (inviting more than you can hold hoping people will not attend) and expecting people to pay for or assist with wedding planning.  It's great when people offer, but financial contributions or time should not be automatically expected of anyone but the bride and groom.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?  In my personal experience, we had to deal with the 'our marriage isn't valid because the wedding was not in a church' thing.  I also think that bouquet and garter tosses need to fade away.

    Have you broken any rules so far?  We broke enough of DH's family's rules to keep them talking about us for eternity - we had a civil wedding, we had a restaurant dinner reception, no dancing or any of the other reception events, etc.  

    The only rule I broke was to print addresses for our invitations onto clear labels.  My friends at work broke the rule regarding pre-wedding parties by surprising me with a shower and bachelorette party even though we couldn't afford to invite them to the wedding.
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette?  DO provide food and drink for your guests
    DON'T show arrive at the reception more than an hour later than guests.


    What rules do you see as old fashioned? assigned seating.  I've never seen assigned seating at weddings, and FMIL thinks it's ridiculous unless it's a plated meal.  We won't have a seating chart.

    Have you broken any rules so far?  We haven't had the reception yet, but there will be no assigned seating.
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    DO: Keep your reception in your style so YOU feel comfortable! If you don't, your guests won't!
    DON'T: Do everything your parents want just because they're paying for it.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    Having an even wedding party, assigned seating, not being allowed to see the bride before the wedding, not being able to wear red or black to the wedding, etc

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    I've broken a LOT of "traditional" rules, but I'm a very contemporary person so it doesn't bother me. I have an uneven wedding party. It's way more important to me that I have the people I love the most standing up there with me than cutting someone just to have an even picture. Blows my mind.
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    Do: handwritten thank you notes for shower gifts and wedding gifts.

    Don't: IMO, don't sign up for a honeymoon registry. You can delay your honeymoon if you don't have enough money to pay for it upfront. Even if you have everything you need at home, there are probably a few things that need upgrades and a registry is for that purpose.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    The whole even wedding party thing. My wedding party is uneven but I really don't think it's a big deal. not having a peak at your future spouse prior to the ceremony. Have MOG and MOB wear something with your wedding colors.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    We've used a few of our shower gifts already
    ~~~Lynsey~~~
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 
    Do: Send handwritten thank-you notes for all gifts.  It may be a pain, but it's really sweet.
    Don't: I think registering for anything non-home related (honeymoons/cash/car/home downpayment/etc.)

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    Who traditionally pays for things (ex:  bride's family for the wedding & reception, groom's family for the rehearsal dinner).  I think it's up to the couple to finance their own wedding and if their families can chip in that is wonderful (but should not be expected).
    I also think the rule that your father HAS to walk you down the aisle and give you away is old-fashioned.  Not every bride has a great relationship with her father and it sometimes looks weird when the fob gives her away when he has been absent from her life til that point.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    I guess we broke most of them with our destination wedding Laughing
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette?

    Don't include information about gift registries on your invitations.  Thank you cards are a must. Don't uninvite people and keep the rules the same (i.e., if you want a kid-free wedding, don't cave in and let some kids attend).  It's a quick way to hurt feelings.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?

    I think labels are perfectly acceptable. 

    Have you broken any rules so far?

    I did.  I have a rather big one.  I did put "Adult Reception" on my return card.  It's tacky, I know, but knowing from my sister's recent experience that my relatives don't "get" basic invitation etiquette. 
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette? 

    DO: I fully believe that printed thank-you's as opposed to hand written are tacky and impersonal. I'd be a little upset if I spent $50+ on a gift for a bride and groom only to get a card with 'Thanks' typed into it.

    DON'T: Don't loose sight of what the overall outcome of your wedding day is - That you get to spend the rest of your lives with your soul mate. I feel like so many people get totally wrapped up in the small details that they forget the entire purpose of their wedding day.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?

    The whole getting married in a church thing is a bit old fashioned in my opinion. My catholic family made a huge stink about my FI and I not getting married in a church. I also think that recieving lines are REALLY old fashioned.

    Have you broken any rules so far?

    Not that I know of. My wedding party isn't even...if that's a rule breaker? Other than that I've been on my best behavior! =)
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  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette?
     
    DO be considerate of your guests.  Provide them with good food and drink and make them comfortable as much as possible.
    DO write prompt, personal thank-you notes.
    DO NOT ask for money in any way.

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    Bouquet toss and garter toss, being given away, rules about what colors people should wear to the wedding, bridesmaids all dressing the same, not seeing the groom beforehand.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    We're not having a registry.  The wedding won't include dancing or being "announced" (don't know if that's a rule or just a custom).   I won't be given away.  We're not doing any tosses of wedding accoutrements.  We're not having bridesmaids or groomsmen.  My dress won't be all-white.
    White Knot
  • What would you say are the most important do's and don'ts of wedding etiquette?
    DO: handwrite thank you cards! is this even an issue!? are people not writing a personalized note on their thank yous!? sad!
    DON'T: publicize your registry. if people ask you, then tell them, but it should not be included in any of your wedding info (invite, website, etc.).

    What rules do you see as old fashioned?
    receiving lines and top tables! i literally told my fiance that i would rather not have a reception at all than have either of those.

    just FYI, church weddings are NOT "rules of etiquette" nor are they "old fashioned", they are a religious ceremony. if you're not religious, then don't have one, but you're not breaking any rules by not doing so and you're not being old fashioned for having one.

    Have you broken any rules so far?
    none that i know of...
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