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His 2nd and My 1st

Lyss2629Lyss2629
in Second Weddings
So a few weeks ago while cleaning out the basement to renovate he came across his album from his previous wedding. I know he is just keeping it as a keepsake for their son to enjoy one day. So yesterday I couldn't help myself any longer and I looked. I knew from talking to their son that she and I have a lot of similar tastes... he'll know all the words to a song I'm singing along with or knows a show or make comments that his mom does/likes things too. And that's fine, I don't have a problem with that (minus the psycho ex part). I just really don't want to stand in front of a bunch of people who are comparing our wedding with his previous one. My dress is not the same, but similar. The color not the same, but close. Just take the red head out and stick the blond in. Great. Feels REAL special. It has me feeling like I want to just get married and call the wedding off. I just don't want the same people being there and take the same pics in the same style wedding as the one he was already in.... whether he was miserable or not. It is embarrassing for me. And I don't want to do it. I wanted those pictures to be MINE!!!!!!!  Am I completely off the deep end here?
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Re: His 2nd and My 1st

  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If it makes you feel better, most all 52 at our reception were the same people at our previous receptions.  And my H's ex-wife's brother is H's best friend so he did the toast!  Don't worry about it - no one is going to compare (unless the two weddings are only months apart LOL).

    ETA:  Oh shite!  I just noticed that this is YOUR first marriage.  Still, I wouldn't worry overmuch about it but now I understand a little bit better why you are weirded out.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    One of the things you will deal with for much of the rest of your life is that he has done some of these things before.   He has said vows, he has had a wedding night, he has taken a honeymoon, he has had his wife tell him that she is pregnant, he has felt his child kick, he has witnessed the birth, he has lost sleep and sanity caring for an infant, etc, etc, etc.  Every one of those joyful experiences and every painful, traumatic experience has helped him to become the man you love. 

    He has NOT however, had any of those experiences with you.  I was married before, and not one second, not one nanosecond of our wedding day, honeymoon, etc did I pause to compare it to my first wedding.  He and I talked about it in advance, but in the moment, nope.  And if your guests DO think about it, you won't know.  I highly doubt they will think about it, either. 

    You sound pretty troubled by this.  And frankly, THIS is pretty minor stuff compared to facing life together.  Its really not fair (to him or you) for you to go into this expecting to be disappointed.  I am not sure you have really dealt with his past marriage.  Some individual counseling may help you get there.  Good luck. ~Donna
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  • rapunnzzllrapunnzzll
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is first marriage to YOU and that's what counts.  Like Donna said, IF any of your guests think about it, you won't know. 

    Try not to dwell on it.  If you do, she wins in a weird sort of way.  Don't compare yourself to her, it will accomplish nothing.  I hope you figure out a way not to let it bother you and put it out of your mind. 

    Teresa
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    130image Invited to dance the night away!
    92image Want to show their best moves!
    38image Have two left feet and won't be dancing!
    0image Are too embarrased to say they don't dance!

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  • hccpsuhccpsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I married a widower, and I think it's normal to feel what you're feeling.  Sometimes I think I felt it more than a person marrying someone that's divorced, because my husband didn't choose to end his marriage.  But no matter what might be similar about your wedding and his first wedding, YOU aren't, and that makes all the difference in the world.

    Comparing your relationships gets you nowhere--trust me.  Just focus on what the two of you have together.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No hun you are not, i'm living the exact same thing right now except we are both redheads in my case. It sucks and you shouldn't have to deal with these feelings alone. Talk to FI, tell him how this is making you feel, the let him comfort and reassure you.
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