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Question: Honoring deceased parent during ceremony & prayer of the faithful petitions

jenferianjenferian member
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in Catholic Weddings
Does anyone have any advice for honoring a deceased parent during the ceremony?

My FI's father passed away when FI was a child and we want to celebrate him during mass--more so than a lit candle and mention during Prayers of the Faithful. One of my colleagues is a cantor and said he's seen it where for a deceased mother, they offer flowers to Mary after the priest mentions the deceased mother; our priest offered up the lit candle and mention during Prayers of the Faithful, but said he's open to other ideas.

I was thinking maybe the cantor sings a solo and we all take a moment to honor his memory? Is that too much? Anyone have ideas?

Also, one of my guests is a survivor of the Aurora shootings and I think has struggled with survivor's guilt. I want to offer up a special prayer for this person during Prayers of the Faithful without, I hope, causing pain or upset. I'd appreciate any ideas.

Thanks, all!  I really appreciate your ideas.
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Re: Question: Honoring deceased parent during ceremony & prayer of the faithful petitions

  • lindsaynewbride10lindsaynewbride10 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer First Comment
    Although I can certainly appreciate that you want to remember your FI's father, I feel that your marriage ceremony should be a time to celebrate your unity into marriage. It is perfectly acceptable to mention him during prayer of the faithful, but to dedicate a song during the ceremony for which could really make the ceremony take a turn to a sad, depressing time for I'm sure a lot of people, I don't think I'd recommend that at all.
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  • lindsaynewbride10lindsaynewbride10 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer First Comment
    I forgot to address the guest who was a survivor of the Aurora shooting- I would most certainly speak with them BEFORE the ceremony to make sure they give you their blessing to be included in such a specific way during the prayer of the faithful. You could really be catching them offguard and upset them, or it could also really touch their heart and be really thankful for including them. Either way, you need to speak with them beforehand.
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  • lalaith50lalaith50 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    Agreed with both of lindsay's above. Without even knowing him, I'm pretty sure that your FI's father would have preferred that his son focus on celebrating his wedding; I think less is better. Maybe in addition to flowers of Mary, you could somehow tie in St. Joseph? Like bring another flower to him and mention in the bulletin or out loud something about FIL?

    Also with the shooting survivor, that seems to me like VERY possible sensivite territory. Without knowing this person at all, I agree, it's probably best to ask them about what sort of general mention would help them feel better, or maybe ask someone who is close to them. (I'm not sure how much I like that idea at all. Maybe they don't like walking around and being reminded about it randomly? I guess it depends on how close that person is. If it's a bridesmaid, ok, but if it's like the child of a cousin or someone you aren't very close to, then I would just ignore it.)

    (ETA: I meant, mention in the program.)
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    there is a fine line, IMO, with honoring a deceased loved one, and running hte risk of turning your wedding into a sad memorial service.

    everyone approaches this differently.  my father passed away 10 years prior to my wedding; i opted to honor and remember him privately.  i truly felt that hed want my wedding day ot be happy that he'd want my sacrament celebrated.  i knew he was there with us.

    others like more public displays.

    i would let your FI decide what HE thinks is appropriate for HIM and HIS feelings and wishes as well as taking into account what his family members may think or feel.  for example, will it upset his mother or his siblings if there is overt mention of their husband/father?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I agree with the others.

    You could always add something in the program, which is what we did for our grandparents who had passed before us. We said something like although we know they are not physically present with us today, we know they are with us in spirit.
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