No longer freinds once married?

Allgaier · September 2011

So I've been with FI for over 2+years now.

I have a friend who I've been friends with maybe a year now? I met him when I went to work for a huge corporation. I was with my FI well before I came to this job and well before I met this friend.

He's a great friend. Nice guy do anything for you. We have a lot in common and when I worked at the same place as him we always chatted and I consider him a really good friend.

Now the other day he sends me a text saying he's not sure we can be friends if I get married. (No if about getting married I am) He says he can't be that guy and talk to me anymore. He had another friend of his girl as well get married and they stopped talking. I don't know all the details on it or as to why or what happen. He then says it's not like I will end the friendship. But, I really vaule marriage. He also said something about me choosing and it's hard on his ego. (I didn't choose anyone it wasn't like I met him and my FI at the same time and picked my FI. I was with my FI a long time before meeting him.)

I have no idea how to go about this. He says no I'm not making you choose, there are worse things then loosing me as a friend.

I don't even know how to reply to this. It's all over text as well since I haven't worked with him or for that company in almost 6 months now.

How would you reply? Or just leave it as it is? I didn't text back haven't for days. I just don't know what to say anymore.

CD2011 · September 2011

Maybe he has a thing for you and thought you and FI would eventually break up? Or he's just jealous? I have always had a lot of male "friends". When I'd start dating someone they'd back off a little bit, and as the relationships got more serious they'd gradually back off more. If I broke up with someone, these "friends" would appear again. We always hung out, they talked about/flirted with/dated other girls, but then they acted like if I was with someone else we weren't allowed to be friends anymore. Most of them are no longer my friends. The one that has stayed my friend through the numerous boyfriends, and toooonnnsss of drama is STILL my friend, and even stood up in our wedding.

Maybe men are really just this stupid and it's just a thing they do? I looked at it this way- a friend should be your friend regardless or your situation. Friendship should not be conditional. This guy clearly is not a great friend, and you should not be having to worry about this. I peronsally would just leave it alone

kevinandmonica2011 · September 2011

Ditto everything Danielle said. My guess is that he has/had some feelings for you and has been holding out hope that someday he might be able to pursue these feelings.

Also, I would absolutely not continue this conversation via text. So many things can be misundersatood when written. If this is a friend you want to keep... sit down with him and hash this out. It will be awkward... especially if he confesses some feelings for you... but you will better understand what the issue is and be able to decide whether to continue/repair this friendship or just let it go.

Happily9 · September 2011

Have to agree with the two above me! Try talking to him in person and see what becomes of it.

DondadaTimes2 · September 2011

Ditto Monica and Danielle. My gut reaction said "Oh chit. he likes you!"

Like Danielle, I was always "one of the boys" however I had two best guy friends, 1 from home and 1 from college. They both stuck with me when I dated other guys, even when some of them started getting to a more serious (moving in) level. But they would both tell me "you'll never marry him". Well, Josh came around and 1 of them jumped ship and the other started bashing stupid little flaws and things in Joshs past as if he knew Josh was the one but he was hoping he wasnt. We had a nice little talk and I was the one who decided I couldnt keep the friendship going b/c he refused to change his behavior. Unfortunate b/c he meant the world to me and I still miss him everyday.

Look at me ramble. Im good at that. Point being that 99% chance he has feelings for you and was hoping you would drop FI. Now he sees you wont and he doesnt feel you 2 can be friends. Definitely stop the texting. Hes a good friend and that friendship deserves some face to face (phone call if theres a distance).

Sorry youre in that situation. It always sucks when you lose a good friend.

Allgaier · September 2011

I knew he liked me when we first met but I thought after all this time it went away.

guess not. Ouch maybe he was thinking we would break up. When i found out he did like me a year or so ago I did tell him straight up that all though he's a great guy it wouldn't happen. I love my FI but if him and I broke up I'd move back home and more than likely I'd never date anyone again or at least not for a very, very, very x's 10 long time.

I really do believe a real friend will be there for you no matter what.

I have left it alone I do feel maybe that's the best way to go. Also even though FI knows about him. And knows were friends. And knows we text all the time, it doesn't bother him. He's not the jealous type. But if the roles were reversed I'd be livid. So I'm thinking maybe if I wouldn't want that maybe I should just stop. Even though my friend and I did have some great time and really great laughs.

it does suck.

No longer freinds once married?

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