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Help me be nice.

loveshine1loveshine1 member
Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
in Wedding Woes
I need to call my MIL and tell her why I'm upset with her. My fear is that I'm going to get her on the phone and seriously lose it.

How do I tell her nicely to:
a) not send out millions of pictures of my kid
b) don't tell your friends (who DH and I have never met!)  that I treat my son like a toy
c) stop being annoying about seeing Mr. Loverman more than once a week
d) learn that a quick visit is just that -- it's not spending the afternoon at my house
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Re: Help me be nice.

  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Hmm, unless I missed something where some form of confrontation already happened, I would address these things individually as they happen. Calling her to rant about everything she's doing wrong is just too confrontational to me, and she'll make you the bad guy.

    Why does she tell people you treat him like a toy? What does that even mean?
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm a coward so I'd make DH do it. 

    (Okay I'm a really big coward and suck it up)
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Stick with just a and b.
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  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    TD, I had sent her the link to the newborn pictures I had done of Mr. Loverman, and she proceeded to send them to EVERYONE in her address book. Then she forwarded me their responses. I had scrolled down, and I saw that she had written, "J and D treat him like a toy. HIlarious!". I have no idea what she meant by that.

    So I was displeased and instead of letting loose yesterday, I decided to let everything settle for a day. Then this morning she emails me and asks if she can come by to see the baby. I said no, I'm kind of annoyed about something, I'll call you this afternoon.

    So I do need to call her.


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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I would remind her that while she may think I am a crazy over protective Mom child predators are real and making tons of pictures available (along with I'm sure your general location) is dangerous.

    I would also address the all-afternoon visits.

    Actually I'd let DH handle these, since it's his mother.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, that's a lot for one convo.

    You can't control what she tells her friends, but you can ask her not to forward a million pics, I guess.

    What are your reasons for not wanting them to see pics of him? Is it safety or just not wanting her to do it?
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, stick with a and b, since that just happened. Address the others as the come up, again.
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  • MinMMinM
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OR, only send her pics you are comfortable with everyone in the world looking at.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_nice-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:16d9a652-97fd-4f92-a492-2c593623c3dbPost:f776a2bc-6a3c-465f-9830-0d30ee0c4ad1">Re: Help me be nice.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I would remind her that while she may think I am a crazy over protective Mom child predators are real and making tons of pictures available (along with I'm sure your general location) is dangerous. I would also address the all-afternoon visits. Actually I'd let DH handle these, since it's his mother.
    Posted by Butter Cookie[/QUOTE]

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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Explain why you don't want the pics sent out.  I'd skip b completely.  People make oddball comments all of the time.

    Leave c and d until it comes up.  With d, just say "You can stop by, but we have a lot to do so I'll need to kick you out after x minutes."

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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    you need to be reasonable too and stop being all nitpicky about it.  she's grandma; of course she's going to be all lion king circle of life about her grandchild, especially if the child is cute (no one wants to see an uggo).

    as for the toy comments, it may have bothered you but she probably didn't mean anything about it.  you don't have to attribute everything to malice; maybe she just doesn't think anything of it.  for every machiavelli, there are dozens of village idiots.

    you need to be specific about being annoying.  what does that mean to you?  what do you specifically want her to do about it, and is it reasonable?  (does she call you five times a week?  do you need her to call less or be more specific when she does call?  what about special occasions and emergencies?)
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  • wareagle5678wareagle5678
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Butter Cookie on this one. Whenever you have a sticky situation with the ILs, let him deal with them directly.
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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would stick with just the picture issue. I don't know what she meant by the toy thing but she ended it with "it's hilarious" so I do not think she meant anything malicious by it. I agree with the other PP's that your fiance should address the other things as they happen.
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  • PrettyGirl815PrettyGirl815
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You might want to organize your thoughts on paper first. Sometimes when I am stressed out, I do this and it helps. Choose your battles wisely, though.

    And tread lightly--remember she's family now--and no matter what happens--she'll always be the grandma of your child.

    Good luck--it doesnt' sound like a fun situation. :(
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_nice-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:16d9a652-97fd-4f92-a492-2c593623c3dbPost:b4579063-9d83-4436-8f39-f4a7cfdd3a72">Re: Help me be nice.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You might want to organize your thoughts on paper first. Sometimes when I am stressed out, I do this and it helps. Choose your battles wisely, though. And tread lightly--remember she's family now--and no matter what happens--she'll always be the grandma of your child. Good luck--it doesnt' sound like a fun situation. :(
    Posted by PrettyGirl815[/QUOTE]


    FTR, PG, LS has been married for several years and is already aware of the fact that this woman is "her family now"

    I am the most recently married person on this board (as far as I know) and I got married in Sept. I think LS has been married about 4 years or so?
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