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Friend wants to be bridesmaid, but I don't want her to be...

JaymeeLHJaymeeLH member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Moms and Maids
Tonight I told a friend of mine about my recent enagement and her immediate reaction was to demand to be my MOH or at least a bridesmaid. We've known eachother for going on 10 years now, but our relationship has always been rocky. I want a small(ish) bridal party and I've already picked the girls I want to be with me. How do I gently tell her that I've already picked and she isn't one of them??
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Re: Friend wants to be bridesmaid, but I don't want her to be...

  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    It was really rude of her to ask/assume she would be included in the wedding party. Wow.

    How many BM are you having? Are they family or more obvious choices than this 'friend'? (I'm asking to know how to proceed with advice on handling it!)

    Were you planning on asking her to do anything at the wedding?(ie. read, usher, sing, personal attendant, anything?)

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  • JaymeeLHJaymeeLH member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_friend-wants-to-be-bridesmaid-but-i-dont-want-her-to-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7730733c-9b2a-4628-a76c-bcbb43738fa7Post:e110def0-984f-46c2-b408-f2546387702e">Re: Friend wants to be bridesmaid, but I don't want her to be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]It was really rude of her to ask/assume she would be included in the wedding party. Wow. How many BM are you having? Are they family or more obvious choices than this 'friend'? (I'm asking to know how to proceed with advice on handling it!) Were you planning on asking her to do anything at the wedding?(ie. read, usher, sing, personal attendant, anything?)
    Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

    I'm having my older sister be my MOH, and 4 of my best friends 2 from childhood and 2 from college who have been actively involved and supportive of our relationship. I haven't given much thought to what I would have her do, it just caught me off guard that she would be so demanding especially when she just came back into my life recently
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  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    Uffda. (That's South Dakota-speak for,'Holy cripes, what a pickle!')

    Well, you can bet it will come up again. When it does, I think just honestly but firmly tell her you've chosen your wedding party already. She will get the drift she wasn't included. 

    Most people would expect your sister to be MOH, but what with her lack of tact she may press you for more info about your choices for bridesmaids. When that happens, you can either 1) change the subject to let her know the subject is closed or 2) tell her you and FI are keeping it small and that it was so difficult to choose; You hope she understands and will enjoy celebrating the big day with you and FI as a guest. 

    Or, if you are going to have her do something else, explain that while she's not a BM, you'd rather have her do XYZ. (Although, if you weren't going to anyway, don't come up with something for her to do just to appease her.)

    I really think she will be miffed no matter what you say but I'm guessing this is maybe why your relationship has been 'rocky.' Hopefully her ego is as resilient as it is large, and all will be well by the time wedding day arrives! 

    Good luck!
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You are getting married June of next year.  Tell her that you aren not thinking about a WP until after Thanksgiving.  Hopefully that will cool her heels.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Agree with PP, whenever she brings it up just tell her since the wedding is a year away you won't be making any decision about the bridal party until the wedding date gets closer (6-8 months before wedding date)
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  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    edited June 2012
    Even though you have a LONG time 'til the wedding, I'd still tell her next time she brings it up. Get it over with. For several reasons: 1) she may well hear who you really asked through the grapevine and be even more upset; 2) it gets her off your case; 3) it's more honest and direct and 4) give her longer to get over it. 

    But that's just me. I'm not into dragging things out or dancing around them. 


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