Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings?

mbuckley85 · June 2012

FI and I had a meeting with the deacon that is doing our ceremony this week and he says he doesn't typically "let" the ring bearer carry the rings...Is this unusual? Our ring bearer is 8. I really don't see what could possibly happen to the rings between when an adult hands him the ring pillow and when he gets to the front of the room where the ceremony is (maybe 2 minutes max).

His reason is that you can't hold an 8 year old accountable if something happens to the rings. Yeah, I get that, kind of...you can't blame the kid. Frankly, I trust the rings tied into a pillow more than I trust them in the pocket of the rented tux of the best man.

My mom was really bummed when I told her. I would rather our ring bearer held them too, but I didn't have the energy to argue about it.

So what did you do/are you doing? And how old is your ring bearer?

jmp2004 · June 2012

We aren't having a ring bearer, but with a kid of that age, why not? And it's not like he's going to be hanging out by himself with the rings. He'll be at the back of the church, with a whole bunch of adults until he walks up the aisle, to more adults. If it's what you want, go for it. Don't let someone talk you out of it.

musicalsunlight · June 2012

I've never seen a RB hold the real rings. We didn't have a RB and J's best man was perfectly capable of holding the rings in his pocket until the appropriate time. I should note that the best man started drinking at 8am that morning so he was toasted by the time the ceremony started. And he still was able to keep his pocket from floating away when the rings were handed to him right before the ceremony.

musicalsunlight · June 2012

Also, the logistics of having them tied to a pillow are not as easy as they sound. What if the knot takes forever to get out? Its awkward to have to stand there and wait while someone unties them from the little pillow, especially since you want to have them tightly secured prior to them being removed.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

The Ring Bearers are symbolic. They carry fake rings. Generally, the MOH and BM have the actual rings. Our priest asked that we make sure they do, not because he's worried about the boys dropping them, because you would tie them to the pillow, that's what the ribbon is for, but because the priest needs to bless them. He said that they always ask that of the rings. I thought you were having a Jewish/Catholic ceremony?

Also, if you really don't see how an 8 year old could lose something within 2 minutes, than I don't think you've been around one for long enough.

Loopyseven · June 2012

I think an 8 year old is more than capable of carrying rings tied to a pillow from the back of the church to the front of the church. Make sure the knots are easy to get out, so you're not fumbling with them up front - or heaven forbid they get tied tighter while trying to get them untied.

Our BM kept the rings just fine in his pocket at our wedding. My 25 year old cousin dropped one of the rings when he took them out of his pocket at the front of the church at his brothers's wedding and had to run down the alter after it. Age isn't an important factor after a certain point.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

awww poor guy! I was MOH once and that was my only fear. When my cousin got married his wife's son was the ring bearer. He was nervous and when he gets nervous he fidgets. About halfway up the aisle he started turning the pillow over and over in his hands. My cousin was relieved his brother had the actual rings. With kids, you never quite know what they are going to do. Especially when they see the crowd.

artbyallie · June 2012

Our 6-year-old ring bearer had the real rings, though they were in a hollow book, not on a pillow. If the kid you've chosen is responsible enough to make it down the aisle with them, I don't see a problem. The best man just untied the rings when we needed them.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_letting-the-ring-bearer-carry-the-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:d70b41ba-379b-42c8-b303-9bd255636bbcPost:3f1fc691-df23-46d3-99e0-3ab44ab68669">Re: Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings?</a>:
[QUOTE]The Ring Bearers are symbolic. They carry fake rings. Generally, the MOH and BM have the actual rings. Our priest asked that we make sure they do, not because he's worried about the boys dropping them, because you would tie them to the pillow, that's what the ribbon is for, but because the priest needs to bless them. He said that they always ask that of the rings. I thought you were having a Jewish/Catholic ceremony? Also, if you really don't see how an 8 year old could lose something within 2 minutes, than I don't think you've been around one for long enough.
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>We are having a Catholic ceremony (toned down to make it seem more "neutral"). I guess I just didn't understand the exact logistics as to why who carries the rings makes a difference as far as blessing them.</div><div>
</div><div>And yes, I have spent enough times around 8 year olds to understand them. I've been working with kids children for more than 10 years and have learned a thing or two. Also, I know this particular child and he isn't a maniac or anything. He isn't the kind of kid that I would anticipate an issue with. Plus, he has been a ring bearer before and has an understanding of the job and what it entails, etc.

</div>

DramaGeek · June 2012

When I was 9 years old, I was a flower girl in my uncle's wedding. The ring bearer, who was also 9, was going to carry the rings on the pillow, tied on. They handed him the pillow just a few minutes before the wedding. The rings promptly went missing. The ceremony started late because we were all in the stairwell of the church looking for the rings.

In that case, it was faulty tying that caused it, but that's the problem - you have to tie them loosely enough that they can easily be undone at the altar, but then you run the risk of the ribbons coming untied before you want them to.

Avion22 · June 2012

My nephew was the ring bearer at my cousin's wedding a few years ago (he was five). The real rings were tied to a pillow. When the best man untied them, one went flying across the sanctuary, clanging around on the ground (tiled floor!), before someone in the 4th row found it. My nephew was mortified! He almost started crying becuase he thought it was his fault and that he'd ruined the whole wedding.

Oh yeah, this was a Catholic ceremony. I think once the ring was returned, the best man placed them on the priest's bible to be blessed?

sunshine9779 · June 2012

I guess I am placing a lot of faith in my ring bearer as well as my whole group of guests. We are having him carry the real rings and we are passing them through the whole gathering in a ring warming ceremony.

mbrischoux · June 2012

You don't HAVE to use a pillow, either...you can always have him carry a really pretty jewelry box instead, which can later be used to hold wedding momentos.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to Re:Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings?:In Response to Re: Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings? : We are having a Catholic ceremony toned down to make it seem more "neutral". nbsp;I guess I just didn't understand the exact logistics as to why who carries the rings makes a difference as far as blessing them. And yes, I have spent enough times around 8 year olds to understand them. nbsp;I've been working with kids children for more than 10 years and have learned a thing or two. nbsp;Also, I know this particular child and he isn't a maniac or anything. nbsp;He isn't the kind of kid that I would anticipate an issue with. nbsp;Plus, he has been a ring bearer before and has an understanding of the job and what it entails, etc.Posted by mbuckley85Well, since your Ms. Smarty Pants, then do whatever you want. That's what you usually seem to do. Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

I really don't think this comment was necessary. If you look at the initial post, I was only asking what other people did during their ceremonies/plan to do and the age of the ring bearer. The only reason I made that comment was because I was accused of not knowig anything about children by someone who knows nothing about me...

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to Re:Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings?:[QUOTE]Is your heart set on a pillow? I'm going to have mine carry the rings in a little silver box so there's no problem with untying the rings. I'll also have someone set it in his hands right before he walks down the aisle. Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

I do have a pillow picked out. Depending on how adamant the deacon is, I may just not have him carry the rings but really, I just cannot forsee a problem with him carrying them.

Lisa50 · June 2012

We did not have a ring bearer (I've only seen that on TV and in movies). My best man carried/held H's ring. H's best man carried/held my ring.

It seems to me an 8 year old can carry/hold a wedding ring (or two) for as long as needed. You can let the deacon know you're going to do it that way. It is your wedding and those are your rings. Go for it!!

AurorasEnvy · June 2012

I didn't have a RB, but I think that most people have fake rings tied to the pillow. I'd ask your deacon if there is a particular reason why he doesn't want the real ones tied to the pilow. To be honest, I don't think that your guests are going to know or care either way whether the real ones are tied to the pillow or not, and I don't think it's something that a big enough deal to dwell on personally. If your deacon lets you do it, I'd practice some knots that are reliable but easy to untie just so there aren't any snafus during the ceremony.

nicoleeichelberger · June 2012

Our ring bearer was 6 and he carried them in a cute box. His parents (my aunt and uncle) held them until it was time for the blessing of the rings in which case our RB stood in front of us and the priest took the rings from him put them on the bible and blessed them. It worked out fine for us. To each their own.

nicoleeichelberger · June 2012

By the way we had a full catholic ceremony and our Priest never questioned who would be carrying or holding onto the rings. He was more an welcoming if what we wanted and actually suggested our RB hold onto them the whole time and bear the rings when the time was ready ie. the blessing of the rings. It went well and made for really nice pictures

HobokensFury · June 2012

RB carried a pillow with fake rings. The funny thing is the pillow came with the fake rings already attached, like they don't expect the RB to carry real ones. BM had the real ones.

travistanya · June 2012

Our RB (our 5 year old son) is carrying the rings. We will tie them to the pillow right before he walks down the aisle and he is immediately giving them to the officiant.

AdeleDazeem · June 2012

I don't understand having a ring bearer unless he's going to carry the rings. If he isn't old enough to do his job, then he shouldn't have the job. Just my opinion.

harpsdesire · June 2012

My ring bearer is only 3, so he will not be holding the real rings. Although he's usually a bit of a ham who loves attention, I think there's a slight chance that he might meltdown or get stage fright or run the wrong way so that the pillow never makes it to the officiant.

Since the real rings will be accounted for, we won't have to worry if there are any ring bearer glitches and can just continue on the ceremony without having to worry about getting him down there if he's not feeling it.

jenajjthr · June 2012

My 10 year old was my "Ring Security" (didn't feel right calling him a RB at 10). He carried the actual rings. He and Hubby both love Legos, so they made a Lego box in the shape of a gift wrapped box (idea taken from Offbeat Bride) to hold them.

If you know the kiddo well enough to let them carry the rings, yay. But if the person officiating doesn't allow it, then what you want really doesn't matter. If he is willing to compromise and allow it, then you need to be really polite about it when you ask for the accommodation. I'm not saying you won't be, but I've seen people who demanded stuff and were turned down, when if they had asked politely would have gotten what they asked for.

mbuckley85 · June 2012

In Response to Re:Letting the Ring Bearer Carry the Rings?:[QUOTE]My 10 year old was my "Ring Security" didn't feel right calling him a RB at 10.nbsp; He carried the actual rings.nbsp; He and Hubby both love Legos, so they made a Lego box in the shape of a gift wrapped box idea taken from Offbeat Bride to hold them.nbsp; If you know the kiddo well enough to let them carry the rings, yay.nbsp; But if the person officiating doesn't allow it, then what you want really doesn't matter.nbsp; If he is willing to compromise and allow it, then you need to be really polite about it when you ask for the accommodation.nbsp; I'm not saying you won't be, but I've seen people who demanded stuff and were turned down, when if they had asked politely would have gotten what they asked for. Posted by jenajjthr[/QUOTE]

I'm going to ask him if it's alright. I really do trust our ring bearer and so does my FI. If he won't allow it, he won't allow it.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

I'm kind of confused on this why cant the groom just carry the rings in his pocket? Haha I don't know who'd I trust more a drunk best man or a little boy lol

selahshiri · June 2012

My great nephew will be just a year old when it's time for our nuptials. He and his sister, who will be 3, will be riding in a custom made wagon that my FI's nephew will push down the aisle (may try making something he can pedal down the aisle). The pillow will be in the bottom of a basket with the real rings tied to it. The rose petals and feathers will be on top covering the ring. One of my students will also have flowers and feathers because the children are young, but we want them as a part of our day. Their entrance will be a whimsical performance, like a parade float or calvacade. I'm starting now to have them practice so they'll be used to it come October. All that to say, if the child is young or not so young, but you're worried about the responsibility, have practices early with fake rings to build up to the big day.

kbares323 · June 2012

I do not forsee a problem with an 8 year old being the RB. However you should be very polite about this and ask nicely. I have seen this with younger children and work out just fine. It all depnds on how you do things and how it is set up. Just do what you and your FH want to do and try to comply or compromise with the officiant.

fireworks143 · July 2012

I will have 2 bands so my two future step-sons will be my RBs. They will be 8 and 9 come our wedding day and we really wanted them to be apart of the actual ceremony and they will be carrying the real bands. Like others have said if you use an actual pillow make sure the ribbons aren't tied too tight but they are secure enough that the bow won't come undone.

Best of luck to you!

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