After-party and uninvited guests

kchiq · March 2013

So we are having a reception that is slightly more expensive than we originally anticipated. Due to this, we have decided to cut down our guest list from ~150 to ~125. Obviously the people that we took off are still people that we love but are people that are just not as active in our lives currently as other people are. We would love to be able to afford everyone, but it's just not possible.

We are planning on having an afternoon wedding and then throwing a cash bar after-party after the reception. We were hoping to invite all of the people that didn't get invited to the wedding to come out and still celebrate with us. I can even still make invites and some silly rhyme about being sad they weren't at the reception.

My intention is not to insult anyone, but to be able to celebrate with those that we couldn't keep on the guest list. Is this tacky?

misshart00 · March 2013

Yes. Invite everyone you want to the whole thing. Everyone has to make hard cuts to guest lists. And no one likes to have the consolation prize.

monkeysip · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:12c2ec4e-d422-41e5-be43-afcef6346009">After-party and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]So we are having a reception that is slightly more expensive than we originally anticipated. Due to this, we have decided to cut down our guest list from ~150 to ~125. Obviously the people that we took off are still people that we love but are people that are just not as active in our lives currently as other people are. We would love to be able to afford everyone, but it's just not possible. We are planning on having an afternoon wedding and then throwing a cash bar after-party after the reception. We were hoping to invite all of the people that didn't get invited to the wedding to come out and still celebrate with us. <strong> I can even still make invites and some silly rhyme about being sad they weren't at the reception. </strong> My intention is not to insult anyone, but to be able to celebrate with those that we couldn't keep on the guest list. Is this tacky?
Posted by kchiq[/QUOTE]

Please no rhymes. Poems don't make anything less rude.

You can either find room in the budget somehow for these people, or just forget it and let them get over it. They're adults, they'll be fine. Most people know that there have to be limits on guest lists for weddings.

SlothGoals · March 2013

If the wedding date in your profile is correct then you have over a year to find other ways to cut down your budget that doesn't involve cutting your guest list.

aurianna · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:12c2ec4e-d422-41e5-be43-afcef6346009">After-party and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE] I can even still make invites and some silly rhyme about being sad they weren't at the reception. Posted by kchiq[/QUOTE]

Did this comment raise anyone else's MUD antenna?

tiered reception, cash bar, cute little poem... someone trying to push buttons?

If it's not MUD...
People understand that you can't always invite everyone. If they ask you about the wedding say you can't invite everyone you want to and change the subject.

Have a none-wedding get-together with the people you couldn't invite later.

aurianna · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:4fdb0536-d2f1-437b-b416-1a9b42457977">Re: After-party and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the rhyme: I want an expensive bouquet And the dinner to be a filet We don't have room for you at our real wedding reception So come to the after party and buy your own drinks, okay?
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Second verse

Because you aren't a winner,
To invite you, we're unable.
But come by after dinner,
And leave your gift on the table.

Lored · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:4fdb0536-d2f1-437b-b416-1a9b42457977">Re: After-party and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the rhyme: I want an expensive bouquet And the dinner to be a filet We don't have room for you at our real wedding reception So come to the after party and buy your own drinks, okay?
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Awesome

rachelm13 · March 2013

::facepalm::

I am not a reg, but, to the regs: don't you wish you had a dollar for everytime this was asked?

OP: BAD.RUDE.TACKY.INSULTING = your idea.

You have plenty of time to realign your priorities about your PPD to include the 25 people.

QueerFemme · March 2013

Don't do this. It's rude and tacky. Cut your budget elsewhere and invite those extra 25 people. No cutesy poem is going to hide the fact that this plan is horrible.

mlg78 · March 2013

The two rhymes have me cracking up!!! Very creative, ladies.

Now...can someone give me a haiku?

emeejeeayen · March 2013

That is not okay.

You should really be ashamed.

Now please go away.

Salsera29 · March 2013

I'm feeling creative...

Haiku:

You're not important

So come drink on your own dime

Your gift is welcome

OP this is all in good fun, and I'm not a reg, but I have been lurking long enough to know that your idea will cause people to side-eye you like crazy. Please don't get offended take the advice for what it is, which is answering your question about it being tacky and trying to keep you from making a bad decision. We have ALL had bad ideas!

winelover123 · March 2013

You're talking about a tiered reception at which you aren't even hosting your guests. Both are tacky. Invite who you can and the others just go out for a drink with after the honeymoon. No one wants the second prize party. Or you can cut back on the reception and invite the other 25 - decide which is more important. If it's the fancier reeception that's totally fine, but if it's seeing everyone you need to host them all properly.

Simply Fated · March 2013

The only thing tackier than a tiered reception is putting some silly rhyme on the invitation. Rhymes don't make things better When on an invitation or letter Your plan for a tiered reception Is no exception

Blue_Bird · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:12c2ec4e-d422-41e5-be43-afcef6346009">After-party and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]So we are having a reception that is slightly more expensive than we originally anticipated. Due to this, we have decided to cut down our guest list from ~150 to ~125. Obviously the people that we took off are still people that we love but are people that are just not as active in our lives currently as other people are. We would love to be able to afford everyone, but it's just not possible. We are planning on having an afternoon wedding and then throwing a cash bar after-party after the reception. We were hoping to invite all of the people that didn't get invited to the wedding to come out and still celebrate with us. I can even still make invites and some silly rhyme about being sad they weren't at the reception. My intention is not to insult anyone, but to be able to celebrate with those that we couldn't keep on the guest list. Is this tacky?
Posted by kchiq[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is incredibly tacky and rude. Believe it or not, these people are not going to slit their wrists because they don't get invited to your wedding. You don't need to offer them a lame consolation prize. Don't worry about including everyone- really. People understand about numbers and what people can afford.

LiLe422 · March 2013

Maybe something like this...

Sorry we couldn't invite you, due to size
Stop by after the reception, for a consolation prize

TerriHugg · March 2013

I personally don't see anything wrong with having a cute poem if her guests will enjoy it.

However, I do see something wrong with hosting an after-party for non-invited guests. The non-invited guests will most likely feel slighted

I understand the need to include everyone. But honestly, you said yourself that they aren't that active in your life so they may not even give a second thought to the non-invite. And even if they do feel a bit miffed, most people understand that everyone can't be invited.

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests:[QUOTE]I personally don't see anything wrong with having a cute poem if her guests will enjoy it.nbsp;nbsp;However, I do see something wrong with hosting an afterparty for noninvited guests. The noninvited guests will most likely feel slightedI understand the need to include everyone. But honestly, you said yourself that they aren't that active in your life so they may not even give a second thought to the noninvite. And even if they do feel a bit miffed, most people understand that everyone can't be invited.nbsp; Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]
The problem with using poems is that people think they make rude ideas sound good. They don't.
Rhymes do not magically alter a plan.

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:46519ac2-7c61-4b87-8d96-9e80c09f8785">Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests: The problem with using poems is that people think they make rude ideas sound good. They don't. Rhymes do not magically alter a plan.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I totally agree with you. That's why I said I don't have a problem with poems. However, I do have a problem with this non-invited after party thing.

<div>Poems are fine if it's not used to communite something such as stated above because a rhyme doesn't take away from the insult as you stated.</div><div>
</div><div>However, you should never banish a poem completely unless it's something you don't want. I don't condone using it to say give me gifts on the invtation, or you aren't invited but come to the party afterwards insead or some other rude aspect of a wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>Poems are cute if they are used to say thank you, or I'd appreciate your attendance, etc. </div><div>
</div><div>So no, all poems are not a problem. The poster can use a poem to communicate a completely different purpose that is within etiquette guideliness. I didn't want her to think that poems are never ok, but that could be the impression she gets based on other responses. That's why I made the previous comment. </div><div>
</div><div>Poems just need to be used appropriately. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div></div>

LiLe422 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:a03d4718-60ed-42a0-909e-77b42ed44415">Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests : I totally agree with you. That's why I said I don't have a problem with poems. However, I do have a problem with this non-invited after party thing. Poems are fine if it's not used to communite something such as stated above because a rhyme doesn't take away from the insult. However, you should never banish a poem completely unless it's something you don't want. I don't condone using it to say give me gifts on the invtation, or you aren't invited but come to the party afterwards insead or some other rude aspect of a wedding. Poems are cute if they are used to say thank you, or I'd appreciate your attendance, etc. So no, all poems are not a problem. The poster can use a poem to communicate a completely different purpose that is within etiquette guideliness.<strong> I didn't want her to think that poems are never ok, but that could be the impression she gets based on other responses.</strong> That's why I made the previous comment. Poems just need to be used appropriately.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

I think you may be missing the point. No one is saying that poems are not okay. We are just saying that you cannot insert a cutesy poem to disguise rude/inappropriate behavior.

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:69a5974e-be81-443d-b877-2ace8c7d9cb9">Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests : I think you may be missing the point. No one is saying that poems are not okay. We are just saying that you cannot insert a cutesy poem to disguise rude/inappropriate behavior.
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not missing the point. We are saying the exact same thing! I totally agree you can't use a poem to be rude. </div><div>
</div><div>Once again, the whole reason why I made the post is because I wanted the OP to understand that though. But based on previous comments, the OP may not get that. I know it wasn't intentional, but if I didn't know anything about poems and just came into this post, I would get the impression that poems are never ok since everyone was making fun with the poem. </div><div>
</div><div>You are 250% right that poems can't be used to be rude. think you misunderstood my post, because I've been agreement with everyone here. </div><div>
</div><div>No worries. I think for the most part we've all been on the same page. :)</div>

LiLe422 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:c30e1ef5-3d0b-4022-aabd-38c6312bbb87">Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests : I'm not missing the point. <strong>We are saying the exact same thing!</strong> I totally agree you can't use a poem to be rude. Once again, the whole reason why I made the post is because I wanted the OP to understand that though. But based on previous comments, the OP may not get that. I know it wasn't intentional, <strong>but if I didn't know anything about poems and just came into this post, I would get the impression that poems are never ok since everyone was making fun with the poem. </strong> You are 250% right that poems can't be used to be rude. think you misunderstood my post, because I've been agreement with everyone here. No worries. I think for the most part we've all been on the same page. :)
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

I do agree we are in the same school of thought with poems.

That statement in particular is what I was saying you may be missing the point on...
OP stated "I can even still make invites and some silly rhyme about being sad they weren't at the reception."
We <strong>weren't</strong> poking fun at the fact she wanted to create a poem. We were poking fun at the fact she wanted to create a poem to disguise her rude behavior.
<div>
</div>

Simply Fated · March 2013

Yeah, Rhyming poems, in general, aren't bad. It's when they're used to make bad ideas seem good that they become the work of the devil.

To reiterate for the OP:
Dr. Seuss = Good
Rhymes to make bad ideas look good = Bad
That's all we were saying.

Maggie0829 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-party-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:791034e0-ba9f-41ba-8561-b2fcf96ed089Post:a5d58b77-ec3c-422a-af48-16f710915beb">Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]::raises hand:: I think cutesy poems for any sort of invitation or event display are bad.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I will second that statement.

Amyzen83 · March 2013

"There once was a bride from Philly,

Who wanted a wedding quite frilly,

She had a whole year to host wine and beer,

but went with a rhyme that was silly."
Lol!

Also, I'm still relatively new to the knot, could someone explain what MUD means?

LiLe422 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Afterparty and uninvited guests:[QUOTE]::raises hand::

I think cutesy poems for any sort of invitation or event display are bad. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Meh, I think they're fine for baby showers and such but not so much for a wedding invite.

After-party and uninvited guests

Re: After-party and uninvited guests

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