Moms and Maids

Pregnant, unsupportive sister...should she be a BM?

My youngest sister found out she was pregnant a few weeks before I got engaged. I was so supportive of her, listened to her cry about it, helped her accept it and be happy about becoming a mom. I never put a negative spin on her situation (who would do that?). We were fine until I went to visit my family Christmas morning, showed them my ring and announced our engagement. She actually walked out and left five minutes later without saying one word to me. I tried to tell myself it's her hormones, I know she loves my fiancé, and under normal circumstances she would be happy for us. So, I left it alone and she texted me a congrats a few days later. When we set the date, which we chose because we both have vacation time picked for September (I have to pick my weeks the year before), she called me hysterically crying and yelling that I was selfish to have my wedding a month after her due date and I was making her a laughingstock. She ended up hanging up on me because I told her I wasn't going to wait another year so she would be comfortable, after she said she wouldn't even go to my wedding. I always assumed if I ever found the one, both my sisters would be standing next to me during my wedding. I asked her if she wanted to be a bridesmaid, told her she would just have to take care of buying her own dress. I told her I understand if she doesnt want to be in it, but I would love to have her with me. We have always gotten along fine, went on vacations together, she talks me through tiffs with my fiancé and is one of the reasons we are together. She accepted, said she wanted to be in the wedding but wouldn't attend the bachelorette party, dress fitting etc. I said ok, that's great. Since then I've overheard her call me "Bridezilla", she told me I should never get pregnant and bring a kid into the world, that I'm not a part of the family and have no relationship with my other sisters kids, (I spend time with at least once a week), etc etc. I try to stay calm with her when she's yelling at me like that, but then she says I'm being condescending. Now she won't talk to me because she says I bring nothing but negativity and stress to her life. I send her a text every couple days telling her I love her just hoping that her emotions will even out soon. At this point, I'm newly engaged, healthy, happy, and excited to be sharing my life with my fiancé, and I find myself crying (I never cry!) over how she is making me feel. I know she's my sister, and I love her, but do I want someone so intent on hurting me in my wedding party? Or do I just put up with it because she's my sister? And my parents are no help, all I get it "well she's pregnant and going through a lot of changes". I'm just afraid I'm not going to get over the way she is attacking me during this otherwise amazing time in my life. Guess I did need to vent, lol

Re: Pregnant, unsupportive sister...should she be a BM?

  • I'm sorry, but she is being a jerk. Being pregnant should not be an excuse. I mean sure, she is having a rough time and I'm sure it's difficult, but this does not give her the right to be a complete Ahole. 

    You are not wrong to schedule your wedding when it works for you and your FI. You just have to accept that she may not be able to make it or may not be able to stay as long due to her child. If you asked her to be a BM and she accepted, that's fine. All she has to do is get a dress and show up. She does not have to attend fittings or a b-party (which you should not throw for yourself, BTW), plus if she is this terrible, why would you want her around?

    Is her baby's father in the picture? I'm not one to say "she's jealous!" right off the bat, but perhaps if the father has not proposed/is not around, maybe she is envious of that which you have? 

    Have you explained to her how much all of this hurts your feelings? Completely remove the wedding/BM/bride aspects of this from the conversation. This is a SISTER issue, not a BM/bride issue. You need to talk to her and explain that you will not be treated this way. I get that she is your sister, but no matter how you love a person or how they are related to you, you cannot make them change or behave the way you want them to. All you can do is talk to her and see how it goes. I would also limit your discussions with her, especially wedding related, and try to help her out any way you can. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • How old is this sister?

    I'd just give her some space for now, don't talk about anything wedding related and just go about acting how you normally do.  If her behavior continues, your family will see that she's just being unreasonable.
    Anniversary
  • I would avoid all wedding talk with her.  If she starts one of these rants at you again, just state calmly "I love you sister, but please don't speak to me in that tone."  If she continues with that tone, then either leave the room or if on the phone state: I asked you to not speak in that tone, so I'm hanging up.  Good bye.  If you put up the wall that you will not allow her to treat you that way, she will get the hint soon enough.

    My BF and MOH is currently pregnant and she has never had an outburst like your sister has.  She didn't have one with her first child either, and neither did my sister or SIL, when they were pregnant.  I will say that my BF can cry at the drop of a hat for the silliest thing - which she will even admit to not knowing why she is crying about something. 

    As PP said, it does sound like she is a little jealous.  How is the relationship with the baby's father?  She may be taking out things she feels about the father on you.  Maybe she wishes the father would propose, but since you are proposed she is angry that she isn't engaged and is taking it out on you.
  • You guys are probably right, her boyfriend had moved in with her, then they couldn't make it work for whatever reason so he moved back home, out of state. Then she realized she was pregnant, so she's 28, moving back in with my parents, pregnant and in a long distance relationship. So, I understand if she's acting like this out of jealousy, I just hate feeling guilty for being so happy. thanks for the advice, I'm going to try to avoid her for a few weeks and hopefully she will think about how she's acting...hopefully! :)
  • 28??? Yikes. Time to grow the heck up. I thought you were gonna say she was 18 or something based on her behavior. This sounds like a combo of jealousy and pity-party. As much as you love her, don't fan the flame by even giving her the time of day when she says these things. When she starts calling you names, tell her that you will talk to her some other time and hang up/ walk away. Let her steam on her own. Does anyone else in your family get treated this poorly by her?
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