Keeping Your Maiden Name?

BeckyHusband2012 · April 2012

I am getting married for the 2nd time in few weeks. I changed my name for the first marriage, but changed it back to my maiden after divorce. I feel very strongly this time about keeping my maiden name, but I have been met with quite a lot of criticism.

My fiance and I are a little older and don't plan to have children. He is okay with me keeping my name, but all of the outside influence has made me doubt my choice. I don't mind if people send us Christmas cards or refer to us as Mr. & Mrs............... but legally I want to stay who I am.

Is anyone else considering this dilemna and had any breakthroughs?

Thanks and Happy Wedding to All!

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2012

Frankly, it's nobody's business what you do with your name. It is your name. I took a lot of flack from aunts who couldn't understand why I wouldn't change my name and they insist on referring to me and addressing cards to GLB Husband's last name. Honestly, I usually don't mind being referrred to socially with DH's name but when it comes from these women it ticks me off.

FTR - I kept my name because I'm an attorney and I have to practice with my legal name so I didn't have the option of using my maiden name professionally and taking DH's name legally. I'm already known in the legal community by my last name and wasn't going to change that.

redheadfsu · April 2012

I kept mine. It is 100% your decision. You can either respond nicely, for example, " I'm not changing for personal reasons" and then change the topic. Or get sassy and say, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize my name affects you so much" or "Of course your opinion is more important than mine."

Honestly, I'm surprised you are getting comments. I do family law and many woman after their first marriage have a different view about changing their names, so I would think your family and friends would understand and at least keep their mouth shut.

calliopeia2013 · April 2012

I agree with PP, and am keeping my maiden name for some of the same reasons but also just because I like my name and because I think the assumption that a woman should HAVE to change her name is outdated and sexist. Thing is, I have met with no opposition to that decision but among my peer group young professionals, mostly attorneys, that's kind of the more typical option anyway. Most women I know haven't changed their names. So I don't really have anything to deal with, you know? I guess my advice, then, is to deal with critics the same way you would deal with any other rude people offering opinions on things that aren't their business. Ignore what you can, and if people argue with you or try to change your mind, just say in as insulted a voice aas you can, that this is a private matter between you and your future husband that isn't open to debate or public comment.

TiffannieF · April 2012

I agree. Keep your maiden name and use, if you want, his name socially.

kitty02kat · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_keeping-your-maiden-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:fa177b5e-29e9-4df0-b55b-91aad3b78b9cPost:d05a2508-4ca7-418d-a9bc-d8d244221643">Re: Keeping Your Maiden Name?</a>:
[QUOTE] Or get sassy and say, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize my name affects you so much" or "Of course your opinion is more important than mine." Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

CRACK ME UP! I'm going to start using this! I've gotten some of the same "uh! how could you even think of that?" crap too! Be strong- especially if you and your FI are ok with it. Everyone else will get the HELL over it! :)

Lisa50 · April 2012

I would say that anyone who criticizes your choice to keep your last name has some major problems, not the least of which is being a major butt-inski.

I've kept my "one and only" last name and, honestly, no one (except my much older relatives, in their 80s) has assumed anything different.

When H and I went to get our marriage license, the young lady behind the desk, after asking all the appropriate questions, handed the paperwork back and mentioned something about documents needed for changing my name. I looked at FI and asked, "Are you changing your name? I think she means you!" He shrugged and then said the same thing.

BeckyHusband2012 · April 2012

Thanks for all of your comments, ladies! This, along with a similar posting, was the encouragement I needed to stay firm in my choice!

Best wishes to all of you in your weddings and new marriages!!!

[Deleted User] · April 2012

I am not changing mine. It is your life & you should do what YOU want. You can't please everyone all the time. I have no problem with being referred to as Mrs B socially, but legally I am keeping my name.

niquemel · April 2012

Not changing my name. Fiance's not changing his. We are both happy with this decision.
Some other people aren't. We don't care. Our happiness as a couple is more important to us than other's opinions concerning our decisions.

ingramnusz · May 2012

I'm also keeping my name. Whenever anyone asks me why I'm not changing it, my standard answer is, "Because Nusz is weird." It sort of helps lighten the moment. (I've also said that it's because I'm lazy and don't want to stand in line at the DMV) But yes, my real reasons are in keeping with what other people have said--I'm professionally established, I like my own name and have had it for quite some time, etc.

RussoWill · May 2012

I has always wanted to change my last name to be the same as my husband. I caught flack from his side of the family for not wanting to change my middle name to my maiden name! That has never been done in my family before, although it is very common in his family. I now have 2 middle names- my original one that I wanted to keep (it's the same as my mom and grandma's) and my maiden name, which I wish I had dropped.
Do whatever you want and don't end up with a name you don't care for like I did! Not sure why everyone has an opinion on other people's names!

jenniferoverley · May 2012

I think this has been said well a few times on this thread, but just wanted to add my voice in support. I am not changing my name and have gotten a few weird looks from women in my own family when they hear about it. Whatevers. I am a professional who wants to keep her own name and I don't see anything wrong with that. Stay true to your beliefs and don't apologize!

samsam123191 · October 2012

The way I see it, my husband already has a Mrs. HisName in his life (his mother) he doesn't need another one! Also, I think both parties keeping thier own names is actually more conducive to family unity....then the family can go by the "HisName-HerName" family without any annoying paperwork. This way of addressing the family actually fulfils what I think marriage is about; the creation of a new family through the joing of two, not merely the extension of one family.

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