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N(totally)ER: Guest List, WTF? Mostly a rant, but I'm wondering if this is a hill to die on?

SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This got longer than I thought so CN is at the bottom.

So about a month go FMIL tells me that I need to add FSIL's (FIs sister) husbands grandparents on his mother's side to the list. I had a brief WTF moment and then asked why. She said it's so that FSIL and FBIL have someone to sit with at the reception (as opposed to ALL THE OTHER FAMILY that will be there?). I still didn't understand why these people needed to come to our wedding but added them to the list as a "maybe" and mentioned it to FI.

Now, fast forward to tonight, FI and I were looking at our guest list so that we can make cuts to save some more money (we are paying for everything ourselves). I ask if we can cut the grandparents, because really, why would they want to come? So FI goes to ask his mom about it and we found out the real reason why we need to add them: FSIL told FMIL that she wants them to come because they're always included in their (FSIL and FBIL) family events.

What the effing eff??

They are not my family, they aren't even FI's family. Yes, we've met them a few times at our nephews birthdays and such, but other than that we don't see them. I don't think that we need to invite them, and FI is on the same page. The thing that bugs me the most is that FSIL went through FMIL to do this. She didn't ask us herself (probably because she knew FI would say no). Is taking them off the list worth the grief it has the potential to cause?

CN: We've been asked in a roundabout way to add FSIL's (FIs sister) husbands grandparents on his mother's side to the list. FI and I don't want to because we are trying to save money and they aren't even related to us. Is this a hill worth dying on?
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Re: N(totally)ER: Guest List, WTF? Mostly a rant, but I'm wondering if this is a hill to die on?

  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks, Stage!

    FBIL's parents are invited to the wedding, because we see them on a fairly regular basis. I just don't see the need to invite the grandparents because we only see them when our nephew is involved somehow. 
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your FMIL and my bf's mother should go out to lunch. She kept inviting her daughter inlaw's family because they kept inviting them places. To her credit, she went to squash that pattern for a recent party and they invited themselves. It sounds like if you need to cut the guest list, they'd be a great place to start and your fiance should definitely explain that to his mom. His mom's logic isn't really logical lol.
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I wouldn't invite them if you don't know them and don't have the budget for it. Have fiance tell his mom that you simply don't have the budget to invite them, but you look forward to getting to know them at other events. If it is important to her that they come, you welcome a contribution in the amount needed to cover their plates. While it is rude to ask someone for money, she is essentially asking you for money by asking you to invite them. We did this to my mom who wanted a bunch of her friends invited. She cut some out and agreed to pay for the rest (although we still haven't seen that money).
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm happy to be hearing I'm not the crazy one, haha. We have tons of time still but this just feels like something that needs to be dealt with now, and not later so it's not setting precedents.
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  • McRogolMcRogol member
    100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I agree with cutting the grandparents, but have to say that my FMIL invited both of her other son's in-laws...Not grandparents tho.  So both of my FSIL's parents will be at our wedding.  The mother of one I know, the rest we don;t.  However, if we needed to trim the guest list, my FMIL would not cut these people.  She feels strongly that they are family now that her sons married their daughters and they must be invited.  This was not a hill I wanted to die on, so I let it go.  

    I would tell FMIL that the guest list is being trimmed and she needs to cut x number of people and let her make the decision.  My FMIL would cut some of her own friends before these in-laws.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If your FMIL isn't paying, then she gets no say in who gets cut from the guest list.  If these are people you don't want to invite because you don't know them and they're not involved in your lives, it makes no sense to include them and perfect sense to cut them.

    But it's up to your FI to explain that to his mother.
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