who should walk me down the isle?

livnsamsmama · August 2012

I have a relationship with my dad, but not a particularly close one. He moved 4,000mi away when I was 15, and I see him maybe once a year. Both FI and my parents are divorced and remarried, and of the 4 sets he is the only one not contributing to the wedding (I don't think he has the means, but I didn't ask), however he will be traveling to be there. My mom doesn't think that he "has the right" to walk me down the isle. She married my step-dad after I was an adult and out of the house, and wants him to walk with me. Although we do get along, I don't feel comfortable sharing such an intimate moment with him (plus it's sure to upset dad). I have thought about just having mom do it, or both my parents, or possibly my brother (my only sibling, and we're close). What do you think?

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

I think that you should ask who your heart is telling you to ask. If you really do not feel a close enough attachment with anyone to walk you down the aisle, then you should walk by yourself.

kikirst33 · August 2012

You could have BOTH of them walk you down the aisle depending on how you feel - as PP said you need to listen to what you want on this.

I've been at weddings where both dad and step-dad walked the bride down the aisle and others where they did half and half down the ailse. Step-dad did first hafl of aisle, dad did second half.

It's really up to you and what you want - of course you will need to discuss your choice with your mom. Your decision should have nothing to do with who is contributing $$ but on how your feel about them.

livnsamsmama · August 2012

The only reason I mentioned the money is because I think that has a lot to do with how my mom feels. She raised me, she and my step-dad are contributing, so he "gets" to walk with me. I feel like she views it as a prize, and step-dad wins. He had no hand in raising me, so I feel it's awkard for him to do it. I guess posting this made me realize more how I really feel about it. Thanks for the input!

Giaspo · August 2012

Why don't you walk down by yourself? That's what I did and it worked out well.

alexanne89 · August 2012

I would pick your brother. I have a similar situation. My dad and I aren't close at all. My mom and him are separated now and I only see him once a year at family functions. I'm still debating weither I should have him walk me down the isle or my younger brother who I'm very close to. Both my younger sister and brother are in the wedding. In my case, I'll probably ask my dad because I'm the oldest and I'm sure he would take it really bad if he didn't do it. In your case, I think you should ask your brother. It's up to you! Who do you picture being there for you no matter what? That is your answer. Even though my dad and I don't get along, I know if anything happened to me, he would drop everything else to help me out.

Lisa50 · August 2012

I think you should walk by yourself.

Kristin789 · August 2012

Totally agree with Gia and Lisa. Walk by yourself.
I did and wouldn't change it if I could re-do the day.
I felt like I was an independent adult who was coming to this wedding ceremony of my own free will - not pushed to it nor pulled to it by someone else, not given away like someone else's propert, never to contact my former "owner" after the wedding.
Walk right down there yourself and get married.

Or, and FI and I talked about this several times, get FI to meet you in the lobby and walk down there together: two independent adults coming together to be joined in marriage.

TheVirginians · August 2012

Discuss this with your mother!

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_who-should-walk-me-down-the-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:e8590500-8e22-4250-aadb-11ec1b457809Post:71b815ca-87b5-41d9-975e-73d1f6dde80c">Re: who should walk me down the isle?</a>:
[QUOTE]Discuss this with your mother!
Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]

<div>Umm, I wouldn't . Mom has alerady made her very biased opinions known. </div><div>
</div><div>I'd either walk down alone or have your brother walk you down. </div>

MyNameIsNot · August 2012

It's an Aisle.

I think you ought to walk down it alone.

cmkk · August 2012

The ceremony is a very small percentage of the money, they are paying for the reception. No one buys the right to walk you down the aisle. Stand up to your mom and choose who you want.

cmkk · August 2012

In Response to Re:who should walk me down the isle?:[QUOTE]My stepdad didn't come around until I was an adult, but he and I are close, so he walked me down the aisle. He "earned" the right when he bought me a car for college instead of the work truck he needed, got out of bed and moved me out of my ex's house at 1am, drove 45 minutes to kill a spider while DH was out of town, and put me ahead of himself in a million other ways throughout the years.

Honestly, if we had not been close, I would have had MOH do it even though I have two brothers. I had initially asked my mom, but she didn't want to do it because it was important to her to watch me walk down the aisle.

All of that is a long winded way to say follow your gut. If you want your mom to do it, ask her. If you want your brother to do it, ask him. If you want to walk down with your FI, do that. If you don't really have anyone you really want to do it, walk down by yourself.

This is one of the few things that NO ONE has the right to tell you how to do. It is solely your choice, and there is no wrong one. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

You had him drive 45 mins to kill a spider for you? You can't do that yourself?

s-aries8990 · August 2012

I voted for your brother because you said you were close. Who do you WANT? Its your special day and choose your escort based on your feelings. I am not close with my father and I plan on having my brother walk me down; he is the only guy who has always been there for me and with me through everything. Who is your best emotional support and who do you feel you want to honor? If its both parents or neither, go for it!

whitney37354 · August 2012

walk by yourself

Camilandry · August 2012

I think you need to trust your gut when choosing who to have you walk down the aile or to walk yourself. I told my mom that I would not have her Boyfriend walk me down the aile. She was upset and asked me why. I told her that he had not ernd that right in my eyes and that He did not raise me. The man who did raise me passed away and my sperm donor is not in my life. So I asked my mom to walk me down the aile. If she doesnt want to I Plan to ask my Little sister. OR walk myself down. Trust your gut It is always right.

OwningAHome1981 · August 2012

Well I would either do both parents, or do the brother- neutral route b/c otherwise I think you are likely to hurt your dad if you only did your mom. Whether or not you have a close relationship, he is still your father.

xxDawnxx · September 2012

We have a complicated situation also. I am walking in alone and then FI is coming to get me and walk me the rest of the way. A bit like the previous post, I am a independent woman there of my own free will and this is a better representation of me and us than having someone walk me down.

who should walk me down the isle?

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