Was this rude?

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208 · March 2012

Deleted

Bett2012 · March 2012

No, that's smart. I might be overreacting because my family has a past with manipulative inlaws, but that seems like a passive aggressive way to be able to get her way (inviting more people) but still going along with the reduction in the first place.... I would have done the same thing.

tmeyer621 · March 2012

absolutly not. First of all, you are paying for the wedding, so your call on the final guest list. Second of all, there is no way I'd give anyone invites to send out as they wish. How would you know who got an invite so you can track down rsvps? What about referencing the master list for thank you cards? I'm just too much of a control freak. I feel like it could get out of hand. I think you need to tell her, invites are out, the list is final. No more additions.

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208 · March 2012

Thanks ladies - with all the wedding stress it's hard to tell if I'm overreacting or losing iit anymore!

caitlinc09 · March 2012

Not at all. I think her adding people is rude...I would be super annoyed with her if it was me.

I think you are not only smart but also in the right to keep the invites yourself. It sounds like that's the only way you'll keep your list down to where it needs to be!

susanjd9 · March 2012

no you did the right thing.

Egrauvog · March 2012

I think that you are doing the right thing for sure. I think its actually rude and inconsiderate of your FMIL to do this since you and your FI are paying for it all! They need to understand that you can't invite everyone - yes it sucks sometimes, but this is what happens with weddings. My FMIL added people to the guest list, but they are giving us money to help us out so it was not as big of a deal. Just remember through all the drama that you are getting married soon and its exciting!!

IllusionsDepths · March 2012

I don't think it's rude at all. You told them that you could only have so many people. They put together the list. They need to deal with it. You guys are paying for it, and ultimately it is your decision. They will live with it

toothpastechica · March 2012

its rude for her to have have added anyone, and rude of the cousin to ask why she didnt get one. Sounds like a joy. This is one of the reasons they always suggest to invite in circles, so that if one cousin gets an invite all of them do so no one feels slighted or pulls stunts like that.

At this point, your right about not giving her any invited to give out. You have already made a final list and its likely to become the over 200 again if you let otheres invite whoever they think you missed. Its your wedding not thiers, you have made your list and can't invite everyone end of story, next time anyone says anything I would be extra firm on this...not mean, but just say, "we realize so-and-so didnt get an invite, we would have loved to have them there, but the venue isnt large enough". (a hint: dont make it about money, that easlily becomes "well we will pay for them...which is A)tacky and

usually is said but never followed through on, making it about the size of the venue, especially this close, theres not really anything you can do about it, so it removes you from being the bad guy who just doesnt want to invite people...you CANT because they wont fit, end of story.)

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_was-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ebdeaacb-e2bf-4a81-b7c5-0a56c4deaaa2Post:cf741c40-61c9-4d74-acbb-6d39e2e367e1">Re: Was this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]its rude for her to have have added anyone, and rude of the cousin to ask why she didnt get one. Sounds like a joy. This is one of the reasons they always suggest to invite in circles, so that if one cousin gets an invite all of them do so no one feels slighted or pulls stunts like that. At this point, your right about not giving her any invited to give out. You have already made a final list and its likely to become the over 200 again if you let otheres invite whoever they think you missed. Its your wedding not thiers, you have made your list and can't invite everyone end of story, next time anyone says anything I would be extra firm on this...not mean, but just say, "we realize so-and-so didnt get an invite, we would have loved to have them there, but the venue isnt large enough". (a hint: dont make it about money, that easlily becomes "well we will pay for them...which is A)tacky and B) usually is said but never followed through on, making it about the size of the venue, especially this close, theres not really anything you can do about it, so it removes you from being the bad guy who just doesnt want to invite people...you CANT because they wont fit, end of story.)
Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Good point on the potential future response. It's actually true about the venue - that is why we can't have more people. there simply isn't enough room

</div>

knottieeafa1bb2d69fa208 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_was-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ebdeaacb-e2bf-4a81-b7c5-0a56c4deaaa2Post:b0960291-7bea-4d2b-966f-e916c53df903">Re: Was this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE] Just remember through all the drama that you are getting married soon and its exciting!! :)
Posted by Egrauvog[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you! I do need to keep reminding myself of what's most important!</div>

S0095042 · March 2012

I agree...it was smart. The guest list was a HUGE struggle with my FMIL...at one point she said "this is non-negotiable...if you don't send it, we will..." CAN YOU IMAGINE?! ...note that we + my parents are paying for everything...

the FI and I just took a BIG RED pen to the guest list and sent the cuts to her in an email explaining who was cut and why...

MsAmeera25 · March 2012

You did the right thing....i would have also told her that person was cut from the list....but that's me lol I hope she doesn't get out of control as it gets closer with adding people.

AvyTkon · March 2012

You weren't rude in this situation. At all. I haven't mailed my invitations out quite yet but I have already encountered a similar situation.

My FI's grandmother (whom he isn't close with at all and calls by her first name) requested that we add her three brothers onto our guest list. I asked FI and he said he had never even known she had siblings, much less met them or felt the need to invite them. Needless to add, they didn't make the cut :P

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

I agree with PPs, you did the right thing. Especially because it wasn't so much a budget concern (FI's family could always chip in some if it is THAT important that all extended family members get invited) but you can't make more space at your venue!

ladychambers83 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_was-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ebdeaacb-e2bf-4a81-b7c5-0a56c4deaaa2Post:11ad0ad1-c550-4349-8bc0-6bd4bbe325bc">Re: Was this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PPs, you did the right thing. Especially because it wasn't so much a budget concern (FI's family could always chip in some if it is THAT important that all extended family members get invited) but you can't make more space at your venue!
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

This!

kimberlykh · March 2012

You handled it really well. I would be livid if someone pulled something like this. Hang in there!

mandi921vh · March 2012

Please don't delete your messages because others may have a similar issue and want to know what advice was given... this can't happen when people DD.

dori851 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_was-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ebdeaacb-e2bf-4a81-b7c5-0a56c4deaaa2Post:edd4b161-17ac-4628-bf13-6d816b53c04f">Re: Was this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Please don't delete your messages because others may have a similar issue and want to know what advice was given... this can't happen when people DD.
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

This.

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