Not Engaged Yet

I'm getting a rock as a late Christmas gift!

No, really a rock. Possibly two. I think he is bringing me geode bookends. Nerdiest sentence in world history, geode bookends.


Also, I found out yesterday that two of my co-workers got married Christmas day, they met in June. So I ask of you all, how fast is too fast. I gave them the side eye.
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Re: I'm getting a rock as a late Christmas gift!

  • edited December 2011
    FI's parents knew each other in high school, but only dated about 7 months before getting engaged.  Of course, then they had a 1.5 year engagement, so...not really what you're looking for. 

    My parents get the side eye from me to some extent.  I'm actually not sure how long my parents dated, but it was all long distance; also, I know my dad proposed in December and they were married in January of the next year (one month!)  Even crazier?  My mom was in school and working in a different city than where my dad wanted to get married, so HE planned the whole thing and all she did was borrow a dress from my aunt and show up.

    Meeting in June and married in December I would probably side eye as well, but to each their own.  A friend of mine broke up with a girl (who was a rebound from his first FI) in Sept. 2009, was listed as "In a relationship" on FB in Nov. 2009, and then was listed as "engaged" on Dec. 12, 2009.  Within a week of the status change, he announced he was going to be a daddy.  MAJOR side eye from me and all our other friends.  I haven't told his ex-FI yet.  I'm not sure if I'm the one who should break it to her or not.

    Speaking of, I'll start another post with a poll!  Since we all love polls.  :-)
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Holy....thank's 6 months...um, a little too fast for me! I some people that have met and then married a year later but 6 months from meeting to marriage is quick!


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  • edited December 2011
    My parents knew each other for 3 months before they got married.

    No, really. Met. Talked. Date. Proposal. Marriage.

    And before you even ask, I was born over a YEAR after they got married. They took the plunge because they were in the military, in Japan, and my mom was actually supposed to be my dad's replacement. He was being shipped out. It was either take a leap of faith and get married, or never see each other again (long distance was snail mail back then... and getting snail mail to a navy ship in the middle of the Pacific was kinda hard).

    They've been married almost 28 years. It wasn't always a piece of cake (actually, it was REALLY hard for them when they moved back to the US and met each other's families and mom found out my dad was from Redneckville, USA), but they stuck it out and are happier now than they've ever been.

    It can work. I personally wouldn't MARRY someone after 3 months, but I have been known to move in with a guy I knew for 2 months.... or fly to London because I thought it was romantic to meet a guy I met online.... or move across the country because it was sink or swim and I just had to give it my best shot (that's FI, btw).

    Whatever works.
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    My friend met her bf in June, engaged 3 weeks later and married in September.  I posted about her before, complaining because she is still having a wedding ceremony in June 2010.

    Oh and I might add.  I was talking to her and her husband is home from some Navy training for Christmas and she said: I hope we can get used to living with each other.

    Dude, he is your HUSBAND you should have gotten "used" to him before you went and got all married n stuff.
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI and i met online this March when we started talking , met irl for the first time on may 20th and got engaged on Nov 18th this year. To many yes it seems fast and i respect their opinions and views. For us though it was right and we are having a long engagement - a little over a year so we can save up and do it right as we see it , as neither of us has been married before and we want it to be our special day together with those we love.

    We moved in together in Sept and like any couples have had our disagreements and learning curve but as He says " as long as we can evolve and learn together we will never have anything to really worry about". Our relationship has literally been at the right place at the right time feeling and essence to it..as i wasn't even looking when i met him but cant imagine my life without him.

    It all depends on the couple i think. I have friends who met when they were 17 , within a few months she was pregnant and they got married - now they are in their late 30's with 3 kids and a wonderful marriage when everyone said it wouldn't last. If two people are truly commited and ready for the resposnibilites that come with living and sharing their life with another it can be right . I think what happens many times is people get caught up in those around them or circumstances or as many say on here the wedding instead of the marriage. Some have to learn on their own as much as we despise it. I try to be supportive but also honest and as long as those around me show me respect i am okay with them disagreeing with my choices.
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I could care less if people get engaged fast (I'll admit I do have a "why not meeeeeee?? moment) but they are married and having a reception in October of next year. He is not military and she isn't either. I guess she could be knocked up. From what I understand, they got engaged last monday and were married by Friday. Hmm strange.
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I actually DID receive geode bookends for Christmas from my little brother.

    Tongue out
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Also, IMO no couple should get engaged before they've been together at least a year. You need to wait until the honeymoon phase is over. They are in for a rude awakening.
  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My sister got engaged after 6 weeks and was married 2 weeks later. That was 12 years ago and they are still very happily married. There is no right length of time. It all depends on the 2 people involved.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think that time together is relative to age, prior experiences and what is going on in your life at that time. 

    DH and I met in May.  He didn't end up tracking me down until mid-June, and then we didn't have our first date until right before July 4th.  I semi-moved into his place in early August, and we got our own place in October.  Then, we got engaged the following April (a mere 11 months from meeting.)    

    Had we done this at the age of 19, it would have been way too fast and somewhat crazy.  However, we were 26 and 29 respectively when we met.  From the beginning, there was no 'honeymoon' period because life just didn't allow for that.  We both knew exactly who we were and what we wanted.  We were 'us' from the beginning.  We joke that it feels like we've always been married, even from the moment we met.  If we were more impulsive, we could have gotten married within 3 months of dating.     

    That said...  I do give couple the side-eye when the time from meeting to marriage is less than 6 months.  I think that there are circumstances where it works out for the best, but those are anomalies instead of the standard. 
  • edited December 2011
    I used to work with a girl that got married 3 days after she actually met her husband. They apparently met online in a game decided to meet and then got married. I still give her the side-eye. Her husband is military and shipped out to iraq shortly after they got married and he was there for about a year and a half and they had just started actually living together when she got hired and that was about a year ago now and she's currently pregnant. I could gouge my eyes out with her status updates on facebook
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Acro-- If I don't get one, can I trade you for Settlers of Catan, I'll even throw in the expansion packs!


    I'm not saying it can't work, I'm just saying that I give them the side eye. I've never lived with BF, so that will be interesting. But I know him well enough to know that he will snore and close doors I would prefer he leave open. And he knows that I'm terrible at screwing lids back on bottle immediately and I dislike camping. I still give them the side eye, but I hope they are happy. 
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-getting-rock-late-christmas-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d0d46287-cf64-41ab-a39e-5e6fb08b2153Post:df7a478a-e593-4709-8713-edf0f026f908">I'm getting a rock as a late Christmas gift!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, really a rock. Possibly two. I think he is bringing me geode bookends. Nerdiest sentence in world history, geode bookends.
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    I gave those to FI for Christmas this year!  And actually I got them at Marshalls...
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    And to answer the question- I guess every situation is different, but in general I think a year is a good amount of time.  It's enough time for two people to experience different situations and see how they handle things together.  And it's enough time to try to see if the initial "Oh my god we're so in love" wears off or if it's genuine.  But like I said, that's just a generalization.  I give side-eyes to the people that do it really fast and refuse to acknowledge that it was quick. Or to people those who think they are "more in love" because they got married faster than most people...
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  • edited December 2011
    I usually give the side eye if it's less than a year regardless of their situation or think there is an alterior motive (ie-prego). An aquaintance of mine (who is 19 and a pastors son) started dating an ex friend of mine (who it a total snob and label obsessed) in March. They were engaged by May and set a wedding date for November 2010. In September the moved the wedding up to October of 2009. For the girl I thought this was very out of the ordinary because knowing her, a month was not enough time to have "her" dream wedding, have her designer gown ready, etc. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have had a quicky wedding if she didn't have to so I figure she's pregnant. Now that they're married, were waiting for the "We're having a baby!" facebook status.
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  • edited December 2011
    Did I mention he doesn't have a job nor can keep a job? LOL. Sorry I had to vent, not being engaged after almost 6 years leaves you a bit bitter when it comes to these sorts of things, LOL.

    Congrats on the rock(s) btw!!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-getting-rock-late-christmas-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d0d46287-cf64-41ab-a39e-5e6fb08b2153Post:107cc3ba-ad12-4124-8479-caa714b7d87b">Re: I'm getting a rock as a late Christmas gift!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Acro-- If I don't get one, can I trade you for Settlers of Catan, I'll even throw in the expansion packs! Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    I think you meant someone else (there was a different pp that got bookends for Christmas), because I'm confused by this.  But I will happily take Settlers off your hands at any time.  :-)
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Whoops, my bad. I got you and kateanne confused. It was a LONG day. I recind my offer of games and henceforth extend it to Kateanne.



    Yes, I suck at life, but I'm ok with that.

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  • edited December 2011
    My old roommate was discussing marriage with is gf probably less than a month into the relationship, telling everyone that they had everything in common and were soul mates. (Personally I'd go insane if I was with someone I had everything in common with, doesn't leave much room for experiencing new things.) They started dating in December, she moved in in late spring and then they got engaged over the summer, they'll be married this summer. Even though I love them both I can't help but give this some hard core side eye. They're in their early 30's but this is their 1st serious relationship, they were both virgins until sometime after she moved in. I can't shake the feeling of impending doom that eventually the honeymoon period will wear off and they'll both realize how much they rushed.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm a fan of long engagements, personally.  I don't really know why, just the idea appeals to me.

    I have a facebook friend (a real life acquaintance) who just celebrated her 1 1/2 year anniversary with her husband.  The problem with this, is its the anniversary of them meeting.  And they've already passed their year marriage anniversary.  Yipes.  And she's 18.

    They got married because they wanted to live in his grandparent's guest house and the grandmother "would just feel better" if they were married.

    Sounds like a formula for a top notch marriage if I've ever heard one.
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