Not Engaged Yet

Put the cart before the horse or risk running out of time?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years, and have talked about marriage since about 2 months into the relationship. At first, we were both gung-ho about the idea "Ooh, let's get married as soon as we graduate college!" and that tapered off into a "wait and see" pattern once we hit the real world.

At this point, we've both been out of college for over three years... we're living together... and have settled comfortably into a marriage-like relationship. As such, the talks about marriage have gotten considerably more serious within the past year.

Several months ago, I mentioned that 10-10-2010 would be an awesome wedding date. He's a Software engineer... so the nerdy quality of getting married on a date that's essentially in binary code is hard to pass up. Additionally, it's very close to the anniversary of when we started dating (10-14-2003).

When I brought up the date, he quickly came on board and his entire attitude towards weddings started to change. On a romantic weekend in October, I thought he was going to propose... but instead we just had a heart-to-heart about it where he said he DOES want to get married on that date, but he needed more time to gather the funds to purchase an e-ring. When I expressed concern about the tight timeline, he said "go ahead and start planning whatever you can now."

I know that he's in the process of ordering my e-ring right now... but I'm really starting to panic about not having enough time to plan once we make it official, which could be any time between next week and the end of January.

I'm especially worried about finding a venue. Yeah, it's a Sunday... but it's also a "trendy" date... so I'm afraid of being up a creek with no paddle. And I have sort of high standards for venues.

I already have a lot of things planned out in my mind, but would it be totally crazy to start officially planning things before it's 100% official?

Re: Put the cart before the horse or risk running out of time?

  • edited December 2011
    He told you he wanted to get married that day and he's ordering the ring.You guys have set the date together. I wouldn't really call that putting the cart before the horse. There are a lot of people who if they were in your situation would consider themselves already engaged w/o a ring.
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  • edited December 2011
    If you two have already settled on a date you want to get married on, then you are engaged.  Congrats! You do not need an engagement ring in order to be "officially engaged."  The ring is just a formality.  Good luck on your planning :)
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    My travel agent from destination weddings told me last week that every single resort that her couple is looking at  is booked for 10-10-10 because it's that darn popular!

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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Psy - HUSH with the congrats crap.  It's up to the couple to decided & announce when they consider themselves engaged. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Why don't you guys just consider yourselves engaged and get the ring sometime soon? I mean, you agreed TOGETHER, you even set a date TOGETHER.... what else do you need to be engaged? Jewelry? I think not.

    As long as he's cool with it, and you guys ARE essentially engaged (you're just waiting for the symbol, not the agreement itself), look at venues. You're going to have a terribly hard time with that date this late in the game anyway, so yes, start calling around and asking who has 10-10-10 available.

    If you find a place that does, which meets your needs and expectations, confirm with your FI/BF person, and book it.

    I'm not one to label other people's relationships, but you really ARE essentially engaged. I don't know why you guys don't just call yourselves engaged. You can still have a ring. He could even propose tonight with a ring-pop. I'd have LOVED that if my FI did it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Is 101010 really 42 in binary? If so, that's awesome. Laughing
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  • edited December 2011
    sorry pink...it was the holiday spirit i was feeling
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  • edited December 2011
    As long as you've picked a date together, I think it's safe for you to go ahead and start planning.  With the popularity of that date, as soon as you find a place available that you and FI both like, I'd book it.  Immediately.  Good luck!
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you and FI are okay with it, I would book a venue. But, I wouldn't plan anything else. You don't seem totally comfortable with it from your post. Talk to your BF, book your venue together, and leave the rest until "it's 100% official" (to YOU).

    Also, I just got engaged 3 weeks ago. We're getting married in Aug 2010 and I have NOTHING planned except a venue booked. You have PLENTY of time for everything else (and 2 months more than me!) = don't worry about not having enough time to plan everything, you have time.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_put-cart-before-horse-risk-running-out-of-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4df64cf2-e2a7-49a8-ace1-6e1fe21d90adPost:84f18505-123c-4e4b-b1d7-107db34b789a">Re: Put the cart before the horse or risk running out of time?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Psy - HUSH with the congrats crap.  It's up to the couple to decided & announce when they consider themselves engaged. 
    Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

    Eeek. Agreed. Why do people still do this?
  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_put-cart-before-horse-risk-running-out-of-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4df64cf2-e2a7-49a8-ace1-6e1fe21d90adPost:1685c4b5-7cad-4d48-af15-e284da52fd95">Re: Put the cart before the horse or risk running out of time?</a>:
    [QUOTE]sorry pink...it was the holiday spirit i was feeling
    Posted by PsyDet 2155[/QUOTE]

    Well keep that holiday spirit to yourself! You don't want to go around spreading holiday cheer do you?????

    Hahahaha ^ kidding of course.
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Oh & Maybe984 - you better get on it and book something ASAP as it is a popular date! Good luck!

    EDIT: I also do not think you are crazy to plan anything.  You & your boyfriend are both on board with the idea so there isn't anything wrong with planning. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_put-cart-before-horse-risk-running-out-of-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4df64cf2-e2a7-49a8-ace1-6e1fe21d90adPost:35e58c6c-bdbb-48ef-899d-35c92d4c0e7c">Re: Put the cart before the horse or risk running out of time?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh & Maybe984 - you better get on it and book something ASAP as it is a popular date!
    Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]


    THIS

    I know three couples getting hitched that day one booked about 2 1/2 years ago, the other probably 2 years and the last about a year ago none of them got their 1st choice on pretty much anything.
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    Good grief, you guys are stressing me out and I'm not even the one getting married on that day!
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  • edited December 2011
    lol Jeana when it's time I'm going to pick the most undesirable date ever. I've known people who got married on 06-06-06, 07-07-07, 08-08-08 and 09-09-09 and it was this biggest headache I have ever seen for all of them.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Do a Friday, like me. I swear it's so easy!
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  • EDK2010EDK2010 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI and I were exactly in your shoes this past summer. We had been together 5+ years and were seriously talking about getting married in March 2010. We tentatively set a date after FI had asked my parents permission in late July. We considered ourselves engaged and started the initial planning without announcing it "publicly" until we were officially engaged (traditional proposal) on August 31st, 2009.

    I think if you are both on board I would highly recommend looking into venues and vendors that you like, especially with such a popular date!
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  • edited December 2011
    you've set a date together so i really dont see this as putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. you've decided to get married together and he said that he was ok with it, so i think that gives you the green light to plan away!
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Just talk it over with your honey and make sure he's okay with booking a venue and putting down deposits at this point. But yeah, if he says go ahead, then by all means...go for it! And I'm not labeling your relationship, but I do want to say congrats on moving into such an exciting time in your life! Try not to stress too much. Good luck and enjoy your planning! :)
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Only use Okhea Castle if you are planning on serving a hot breakfast....






    Anyone? Anyone?
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  • edited December 2011
    Hmm...I can only assume you're the same person as Maybe.  Any reason you switched screennames on us?
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  • pinkpinotpinkpinot member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I guess she is using the s/n from 4.5 years ago???
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  • edited December 2011
    Yea I figured that much.  I just don't know why you'd go back to an old name, unless it was just logged in on your computer automatically or something and you didn't realize. 

    Sometimes I feel a little strange that I've been a member since Feb. 2008, but then I remember that I signed on as a MOH, so it helps me feel more legit.  If I had been a member for over 5.5 years and had still never been married, even if I'd been in other weddings, I'd probably just make a new screenname because I'd feel weird.  But maybe that's just me.  Other people probably don't even glance at the join date.
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    1st BFP: 10/27/12, cycle before we had planned to see RE
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011


    Edit: whoops nevermind. Move along nothing to see here
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  • maybe984maybe984 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, crud.

    That was an old account I made years ago when helping a friend plan her wedding. Apparently, the computer I was using logged into the wrong account automatically for me.

    I started a new account because A) I didn't want to look like I'd been planning my wedding for 4.5 years and B) I didn't want my last name splashed all over the boards. I kind of prefer some level of anonymity.

    I guess it's too late now.  :(
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_put-cart-before-horse-risk-running-out-of-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4df64cf2-e2a7-49a8-ace1-6e1fe21d90adPost:9bf562c2-fefe-4d6a-8551-7c34f719fbf1">Put the cart before the horse or risk running out of time?</a>:
    [QUOTE] On a romantic weekend in October, I thought he was going to propose... but instead we just had a heart-to-heart about it where he said he DOES want to get married on that date, but he needed more time to gather the funds to purchase an e-ring. When I expressed concern about the tight timeline, he said "go ahead and start planning whatever you can now."
    Posted by maybe984[/QUOTE]

    ^this means you are engaged. You don't need the ring to plan your wedding. Maybe that'll be your wedding gift, you never know.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think you should start planning as long as you are comfortable with it.  Originally my FI and I were aiming for a DW in summer 2010.  He told me to start planning it.  It just didn't feel right for me.  I refused to call any vendors and told him one night that I wouldn't be planning without officially being engaged.  We didn't set the official date until we were officially engaged.  

    Although it's not impossible 10-10-10 might be really difficult, so you should have some alternate dates in mind.  
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