His Mother's Wedding Dress

epaseur13 · May 2012

My fiance's mother has offered to let me wear her wedding dress. It was originally her mother's dress and since she does not have a daughter, she wants me to wear it. It is a lovely 50s style dress with lots of poof and lace, kind of like this--http://www.etsy.com/listing/93602480/vintage-1950s-wedding-dress-classic but the skirt doesn't have tiers, it;s just one layer. The main issue is that she was at least 6 dress sizes larger than I am, she is several inches taller than I am, and the neck is really high and I cannot stand anything around my neck for more than a few minutes (I can't even stand turtlenecks). I wouldn't mind wearing it, but I am worried that the costs to alter it would be ridiculous and she might not allow me to change the neckline. I am also worried that all the poofy-ness will swallow me whole as I am very petite. So I am asking y'all's opinion: should I take her up on her offer (continuing her family's tradition and hope the alterations don't cost as much as a new dress or just buy a new dress?

HobokensFury · May 2012

Just thank her for the offer and tell her you want to get your own dress.

toothpastechica · May 2012

Is it your style? Dont wear it just to make her happy, if you actually love the dress, then ask her if shes comfortable with you altering it (including changing the neckline). If it were me that would give me an answer. I would not be willing to wear a dress that I didnt pick out if I can't alter it, but I wouldnt wear that dress in the first place because its not my style and for me, a wedding dress should at least somewhat reflect the person wearing it (I am wearing my moms veil because there was no way I was going to wear her dress...so nms, but her veil was easily altered and is the same color as my dress).

NOLAbridealmost · May 2012

I'd decline. A dress is such a personal choice. And I'd never wear my MIL's dress; I'd possibly consider wearing my mom's. But not MIL's.

Spunky414 · May 2012

Are you ok with a dress that you just wouldn't mind wearing or would you rather find something you love? If you need a dress you love, politely decline.

Otherwise before making any decisions, I'd get a price quote for the alterations you would need for it to be wearable and a quote for what you would want for it to be perfect. Once you know for sure the price difference between using hers and a new one you can start the conversation. Also she might not be comfortable with even the basic amount you'd need done to it and didn't really think about it before offering it. Cutting it down so much might prevent any future generations from wearing it, or if any of the orginial owner's granddaughters would want it.

I don't think it's weird to wear your FMIL's dress if you have a good relationship with her and like the dress. I'm much closer to my FMIL than my mom so if her dress was offered to me and was as pretty as that dress in the picture I would jump on it.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

Hopefully she would realize that you two are very different in size and stature so that is not a feasible option, I think you're going to have to get your own dress.

willywally5 · May 2012

This is kind of out there BUT is there a pre-wedding event (like a shower or engagement party) you might be able to wear the dress for? I'm thinking that might be cool if you could alter/modify it to your size/liking and probably even make it a short dress? NO clue if she'd be OK with that or if you would either. It kind of depends on what sort of showers and parties you will be having. Just a thought

Summer2011Bride · May 2012

I would thank her for the offer but politely decline. Unless you absolutely LOVE the dress, would pick it out for yourself even if it wasn't MIL's, and truly want to do the alterations, I would go find a dress that you like without a bunch of alterations that is more you.

good2Bqueen13 · May 2012

First, let me just say that they gown you reference is gorgeous! Almost Kate Middleton-esque. Love it, especially the neckline, or a neckline more like the Middleton dress. I'm super sentimental and would be so honored to have MIL offer her gown. In fact, when FI and I were discussing buying my engagement ring, MIL offered her grandmother's ring and I jumped all over it without even seeing it.

So if this dress is as lovely to you as it is to me (with some modification) I wouldn't be too concerned about the alterations. This is a piece of cake (pun intended) for a good seamstress. And as for the fullness, you can easily remove much of it by wearing the dress sans the petticoat/crinoline. If you do love the dress enough to wear it (whether for it's beauty or it's sentimental value), then I suggest your approach your MIL with the idea that it will need substantial alterations making it possibly unusable to any one else and that for your personal comfort, the neckline will need to be modified. If she's game, you have yourself a dress!

mcskatcat · May 2012

First off, I will say that I love that dress. For a vintage gown, it is quite timeless.

That being said, I would at least take it to a seamstress and get a quote before saying that it costs too much. Since it seems like it's all one kind of fabric (usually something with more detail or beading would be harder to change significantly) it might be quite possible to be done nicely, but you won't know until you explore that avenue.

If the issue is that you don't even want to explore that avenue, then it's fine to politely decline. You can tell her that you love the style and look of the gown, but that you'd really been looking forward to choosing a dress of your own. Make sure you thank her for the offer, because that is very sweet of her.

AurorasEnvy · May 2012

Unless you love the dress, I might pass on this one. If you are considering it, I'd make sure it was okay with her if you made major alterations to it - she might have it in mind that you wear it "as is".

It's a nice gesture, but a wedding dress is probably the most important piece of clothing you'll ever wear - I know I'd want to pick mine out.

cfein · May 2012

It is a beautiful dress but 6 sizes is a considerable change and from an alteration standpoint it's not going to save you any money. If I were your MIL, I'd respect honestly. You appreciate the dresses beauty and tastefulness, but hate to make any changes to this family heirloom. Offer for her to come along with you dress shopping because you respect her taste in dresses. My MIL has 4 sons, no daughters and has told me time and time again how meaningful it was I invited her along dress shopping and to fittings. That’s after I declined (for some crazy reason) her offer to have her mother make me a wedding dress. It's okay to say “no thank you.” (If you really wanted you could always keep the skirt of the wedding dress and have a different top made or just see if you can take a part of the dress and incorporate it into yours.) Again, it's okay to decline and she'd be grateful to know you even considered it.

mbrischoux · May 2012

My mom wasn't even offended when I said I wouldn't wear hers (hers was lost years ago, so I really didn't have the option anyway). She respects my personal style and would never expect me to wear it. I'm sure your future mother in law would respect yours, too.

Perhaps you can wear a piece of her jewelry or headpiece to share this connection with her.

pastoreem12 · May 2012

Going along with the other posts... I would get a price quote on the minor and major alterations. If the major alterations are too much, maybe you can invest in a nice "Second Dress" for the reception. I completely understand with the problem with the neck line, I am the same way. If you really do like the dress, I would suggest making minor alterations, and possibly buying a dress for the reception that you would be more comfortable in. Just another option...

borc0091 · May 2012

A seamstriss can do amazing things. If she doesn't mind you changing the dress to what you would like then go for it, but if she doesn't want the dress to be changed then I would just go with a different dress that's more you! your wedding dress tells allot about you and your personality. Good Luck!!!

serenity5689 · May 2012

First, if you really like the dress ask her if it's okay with her if you can do some minor adjustments to it and explain what you want done. If she approves then you are all SET! If not then gently and kindly decline. Good Luck!

ceceibson · May 2012

I wore my mother's dress when I married the first time. It was also from the 1950s and was very similar in style to what you've described. Also, my mother is at least 6 inches taller and 3 sizes bigger than I am.

A good alterations person can work miracles. If you really want to wear the dress and your MIL doesn't mind you chengin the neckline, etc. take it to someone and see what they can do. I had the high neckline on my mother's dress cut down to a sweetheart, had some of the underskirts removed so it wasn't so "poofy", etc.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

I do not like that dress at all sorry. You should get what you like and not be obligated to wear hers. I would not be caught dead in a dress like that.

MangoSong · June 2012

Do you love the dress? Not like, love? If you love it, then tell her the fit is wrong and ask if she would mind the necessary alterations to make it fit you, the way you want it to fit you.

If you don't like it, or even like it, but not in love with it, politely decline.

His Mother's Wedding Dress

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