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mlemoe03 · May 2010

Hi all,

I'm not yet engaged, but recently my boyfriend and I have discussed weddings (probably due to the fact that we've been to 4 in the last year) and it has come out that a catholic wedding is something that would be important to him. I'm not catholic so I don't have any idea what this entails. I have a few questions that I'm hoping you all can answer. I, like most women, have thought about my wedding day in great detail. I have had my heart set on having a string quartet play all of the music in my wedding, including "The Way You Look Tonight" when the bridal party walks down the aisle, and "What a Wonderful World" when I walk down the aisle. Would this be allowed? I've also heard/read that the honor attendants need to be catholic. Is this true? My family is not catholic and my sister is going to be my MOH so that would be a problem if the honor attendants need to be catholic. If you guys can supply me with any information I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thanks so much!!!

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Although it is probably best that one is, I don't believe it is required for the MOH or BM to be Catholic. Neither one of ours is and our priest is very strict and by the books.

As far as the music goes, the best advice would be to check with the parish priest. We were not even allowed to have the wedding march as it is secular and is about a couple in the bedroom...lol. Some churches/priests may allow it. For example, we are not allowed to have the unity candle bc it is traditionally not a part of the Catholic wedding, but some girls on this board and elsewhere have had it. Best advice: once you decide on a church, ask the priest. And since you are not Catholic, you probably will go with just a mass, no communion (bc only your FI could receive), unless you want to go through RCIA. (It is a program for adults that want to convert) It all depends on when you plan on getting married and if RCIA is even an option bc it takes about 9 mos to complete.

This is a good resource as well: catholicweddinghelp.com

Good Luck!

Riss91 · May 2010

Music requirements vary from church to church. I have had friends make "pop" songs into classical pieces for strings and had those used for processional/recessional. Our priest didn't even give us any restrictions, though we chose to use classical music for our processionals anyway.

I think many priests would allow a string quartet to play a "classical' version of a song for preludes/processionals/recessionals, but it's not a 100% guarantee. Good luck!

tldh · May 2010

Talk to the pastor about the music. The attendants do not have to be Catholic.

ring_pop · May 2010

Once you get engaged, this is stuff that you'll need to clear up with your own priest as their opinions differ on this.

But I can tell you that our honour attendants were not required to be Catholic (neither of ours were). I have heard other knotties say that they were required to have a Catholic attendant to sign the church registry papers or something... but actually, I don't think we even did this. If this is the case, it doesn't necessarily have to be the honour attendants though.

Priests vary widely on what music they will allow. My church is pretty liberal and I know that they wouldn't allow secular songs in the ceremony even if arranged "classically". But where I live, there is a part of the ceremony where we have to sign the civil papers, and secular music is allowed at that point. It depends what kind of church your boyfriend's family attends. This may be an over-generalization, but I find that larger cathedral type churches tend to be more traditional, and smaller churches vary from traditional to liberal.

Some churches will charge you an organist fee regardless of whether you use the organist; some churches let you hire whatever musicians you want.

Just another point of clarification - if you don't have communion in your wedding ceremony, you would NOT have a mass. The "mass" includes communion.

If you guys are serious about getting married, I'd really encourage you to attend mass with your boyfriend one day (assuming he goes). Many parts of the weekly mass are also included in the Catholic wedding ceremony, so when you do talk to your priest about your wedding, you'll have some idea of how it all comes together.

bellashauntee · May 2010

mlemoe, you really need to meet with the priest to get any information. I am getting married in a strict church and there are 8 instrumental songs that we could choose from to include in the ceremony. My FI is not baptised, so we cannot have a mass, just the ceremony. As far as the attendants, Only 2 of mine are Catholic the rest are not, so that should not really matter. If your BF is not attached to one church I would suggest touring different catholic churches around the area to find one that fits your personality. Also, parishioners of the church the wedding ceremony s at usually get a better price than non-parishioners, so choose the church at least six months before you meet with the priest.

catarntina · May 2010

So I am having a catholic wedding in Ohio, but I live in Colorado. The priest in Colorado said the MOH or Best Man *had* to be Catholic, at least one of them. I told him that was not going to happen, period. He said it would be ok if *someone* in the wedding party was Catholic. So my brother, who was baptized Catholic, also will be signing the licence rather than the Best Man. Have you ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" The groom made his best friend an honorary Best Man for this very reason... That was Greek Orthodox, but similar situation.

Some churches require 12 month planning period (IE, Archdiocese of Denver), whereas other churches require only 6 months. Since I live in Colorado, I had to do a 12 month planning period whiich required me to attend 4 classes to discuss communicating and stuff, and then 3 more classes for Natural Family Planning, in addition to meeting with the priest several times to fill out paperwork and take the FOCCUS test.

If you do get married in the Church, you'll have lots of experience with it before the actual wedding for sure.

brianabrad · May 2010

I am in the same boat with you. FI is Catholic and I am not. The only thing is really changed for us was that our Father would not perform a full mass during the ceremony. And that was more than fine with me. Since I am not catholic I have no interest in the full mass and even though I am currently exploring the religion and adult faith formation I still would not want to have a full mass because my family is not Catholic.

Theresa626 · May 2010

Unless your church is very liberal, I doubt they'd allow those song selections. Although my church allows stuff like that for the prelude and technically when you walk down the aisle is before the wedding starts so they might allow it. it totally depends on the church though. I would ask them that question and talk to the music director before you book a date. Your honor attendants do not have to be catholic.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

catarntina: I totally agree with you. I forgot about that part. We are in the same boat, live in GA, getting married in OH. Btw, where are you getting married at in OH? We had to fullfill requirements in both dioceses but our marriage prep was done where we currently live. I would just ask questions of your priest and music director if you aren't sure of something. And do feel free to ask more questions. Good luck with everything.

catarntina · May 2010

MissySue20 : We're getting married in Toledo, Ohio. It's proving rather difficult to fulfill both diocese's requirements. The priest in Ohio insisted that we meet with him in person and both FH and I had to be there. He could not talk to us on the phone. I have the vacation time, but it was hard for my FH to scrounge it up. I booked the plane tickets and found out yesteday the priest in Toledo went in for hip surgery and will not be around in 3 weeks when I was scheduled to meet with him. So, I hope I can meet with the Deacon in three weeks because that will be the only time FH and I are in Ohio before the wedding. *sigh*

GenieM27 · May 2010

Okay I'm going to say something, I don't want offend anyone. But if you're not attending mass regularly how come it's so important to married in a Catholic Church? My sugestion is if you're getting married in the Catholic church start attending mass regularly. When your wedding day arrives you will have an deeper appreciation of the Catholic wedding cermony.

mlemoe03 · May 2010

I don't attend mass regularly because I'm not catholic. Church isn't that big of a deal for me, but it's important to my boyfriend so I would do this for him.

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