Talk about a Debbie Downer

Heffalump · September 2010

From Prudie.

Q. I Don't Like My Son's Girlfriend, but He Wants To Propose:

My youngest (in his 20s) has a girlfriend that I can't stand. She's a beautiful girl, and very smart and nice, but she's very unrealistic. She is always telling my son that he can "do anything he sets his mind to if he works hard" and that he should go after all his dreams in life.

This is all well and good, but I want my son to have a serious, realistic outlook on life. Most people don't get everything they want out of their adult life. I know for sure I didn't. I'm worried that this girl is convincing my son to expect too much. That's not how his father and I raised him.

He's been dating this girl for a few years, and he came home last night with a huge ring—bigger than anything I've ever had! He is going to propose to her in a week, and I want to stop him. I know my son is happy with this girl—the happiest I've ever seen him be, in fact, but I'm worried that he'll have unrealistic expectations with her and be disappointed later in life. But he loves this girl with all his heart, and I can see that she clearly loves him as well. What should I do?

Lauriac · September 2010

Mom is just jealous of the huge ring.

loveshine1 · September 2010

Mom sounds like a real charmer.

jojobrn · September 2010

Mom just wants her son to work McD's the rest of his life or something? Nice. Run boy, run to the girlfriend!

MrsMyrtle · September 2010

She sounds like my grandma (Satan). "I've been miserable my whole life, so everyone else should be, too!"

mrsconn23 · September 2010

That poor girl. Mom is either going to ruin the relationahip (depending on if the she tells the son not to propose and he doesn't) or she's going to have the worst MIL ever. Mom needs to get her head checked.

This type of parent is just as bad as the parents who push their kids to fulfill the parents dreams regardless of how the kid feels about whatever they're being pushed into.

What's Prudie's response?

TheDuckis · September 2010

Yes, because unrealistically low expectations are healthier than unrealistically high expectations. What great parenting.

Heffalump · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_talk-debbie-downer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:60de1d29-cf12-4230-90a7-a311386bbb2dPost:9469f2d8-9db2-4aff-b9b5-4aa2b18d48a7">Re: Talk about a Debbie Downer</a>:
[QUOTE]What's Prudie's response?
Posted by mrs.conn23[/QUOTE]
A: These darn young people, so optimistic, so healthy, so exuding excitement at all that's ahead of them. Why can't they understand that in the next 40 years someone is going to tell them, "I'm sorry, you didn't get the job." "I'm going to have to biopsy this." "You're not the boss of me and I hate you and I'm running away from home!" and "Let me see if this comes in a larger size."

You're right that life doesn't work out exactly as hoped for anyone. That may be particularly true in your case, because you're such a defeatist downer. (Have you had an evaluation for depression?) One of the jobs of being young is to think that there is an exciting world of opportunities out there waiting to be grabbed. Guess what: that's what actually does happen for a lot of people (though not you).

Your son sounds like he's in love with a wonderful girl. You should shut up (or, as they say in the Cymbalta ads, "talk to your doctor") about your gripes, and tell him how happy you are for him. You need to concentrate on addressing what's gone wrong in your life rather than try to ruin his.

6fsn · September 2010

Poor guy and poor girl. It does also sound like mom is jealous.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_talk-debbie-downer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:60de1d29-cf12-4230-90a7-a311386bbb2dPost:4c741421-e7e3-4522-9895-aa0249dd70e4">Talk about a Debbie Downer</a>:
[QUOTE]From Prudie. Q. I Don't Like My Son's Girlfriend, but He Wants To Propose: My youngest (in his 20s) has a girlfriend that I can't stand. She's a beautiful girl, and very smart and nice, but she's very unrealistic. She is always telling my son that he can "do anything he sets his mind to if he works hard" and that he should go after all his dreams in life. This is all well and good, but I want my son to have a serious, realistic outlook on life. Most people don't get everything they want out of their adult life. I know for sure I didn't. I'm worried that this girl is convincing my son to expect too much. That's not how his father and I raised him. He's been dating this girl for a few years, and he came home last night with a huge ring—bigger than anything I've ever had! He is going to propose to her in a week, and I want to stop him. I know my son is happy with this girl—the happiest I've ever seen him be, in fact, but I'm worried that he'll have unrealistic expectations with her and be disappointed later in life. But he loves this girl with all his heart, and I can see that she clearly loves him as well. What should I do?
Posted by Heffalump[/QUOTE]

That's the problem right there. Mom is jealous of the ring.

mrsconn23 · September 2010

HA! Prudie told her to 'shut up'. I have mad love for Prudie.

6fsn · September 2010

Best Prudie answer ever.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

Love Prudie's answer.

One of the jobs of being young is to think that there is an exciting world of opportunities out there waiting to be grabbed. Guess what: that's what actually does happen for a lot of people (though not you).

Ha!