NWR: Dealing with different opinions on bigger subjects.

doeie04 · February 2012

Do any of you have different opinions on big things, such as gay marriage, religion, politics, etc.?

How do you deal with it as a couple?

How will you teach your kids? (If you are having any.)

Sorry to post and run, but I have some errands to run in town. I will check this when I get back.

edw7479 · February 2012

We think the same way on all major issues. I think it would be reeeeeally hard for me to be with someone that had a major life/social/political opinion that was totally different than mine.

That having been said, I have know two couples in my life that disagreed on everything major and still somehow made it work!

I think it depends on your personality, and I'm way too stubborn. :-)

peachykeen26 · February 2012

We have the same views. We will teach our children values and morals from the Bible.

kelsey+brandon · February 2012

Luckily, we have the same views when it comes to all the things you have listed. We may have slightly different opinions when it comes to politics, but we have the same general ideas and our disagreements on the issues only lead to more interesting conversations.

We'll also be raising our children in the church, like peachy said.

jaime10285 · February 2012

We have the same views generally. The fine details may be different but it's more a point of discussion not debate. I don't think I could be with someone who had totally different views. We will raise our children to be kind, thoughtful, and respectful of everyone's opinions, even if they differ from your own.

DrPB2b13 · February 2012

For the most part we agree on the big things, including what you listed, Fawn, though admittedly we don't talk politicians a whole lot (yes, politicians, as in who we're voting for - we generally agree on politics, but I think we disagree on who will carry out said politics best!).

Regardless of how we feel as individuals, it's important for us that we teach our kids to be open-minded and accepting, but also to think critically. I think (hope) the few things we don't agree on will help illustrate this idea for them, specifically that it's okay to disagree with others as long as you do so respectfully, and with reason.

acaponi87 · February 2012

The big things we are on board with each other.

We don't usually talk about politics, though I think both of our interest in politics has declined in the last few years. Neither of us claim to be a democrat or republican but he tends to lean right and I typically lean left.

We come from very similar backgrounds..we actually met through our parents who are friends so we agree on most things regarding our hypothetical future children. It took him awhile to agree that if our kid wanted to go to Michigan State that he'd let him though lol. Not that our kid will want to because I'm pretty sure FI will try to brainwash him/her from an early age to be a U of M fan.

Not all "big issues" are big issues to us. Neither of us are super invested in the gay marriage debate. We are on the same page on abortion in regards to our relationship but again we don't get super heated on the subject in general. We have similar spending habits and general life styles and I think that's helpful.

kaitlyn142 · February 2012

The issues you meantioned would have been dealbreakers for me. I couldn't possibly date someone who wasn't liberal and pro-gay rights. The same way, I couldn't date someone who was very religious, because that just doesn't mesh with me. There would be a fundamental connection missing.

My sister is engaged to a Republican. Well, he was a Republican. I think she converted him to Democrat, though he still claims he would be a Republican if they would leave off on social issues and return to fiscal conservatism.

FI and I do disagree on the importance of charity and volunteerism. I think it's very important. He just doesn't care. I'm trying to talk him around with small things, like donating cat food that our cats won't eat to a local shelter.

daria24 · February 2012

We agree on all the big stuff, I honestly can't remember an argument we've ever has on the "big picture" conversations. However I grew up with parents who had very different beliefs/opinions. My father is a strict Catholic, my mother converted for him but she was pretty lax on the rules. My father is very conservative, my mother's a moderate liberal. My mother always just explained what her opinion was, that it was different than my father's and left it up to me decide what my own opinion was. My mother made most of the decisions in our family, but the few things that my father put his foot down about, she usually gave in since he did it so infrequently. As far as how they dealt with each other, they just seem to agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Hilraythebride · February 2012

My FI always said if you are just getting to know us, we seem totally different but once you know is we are so much alike.

We have the same core values and strong family background. He was raised Catholic and after my parents divorced we stoped going to church. I have decided that I will convert at some point and we will raise our children Catholic.

We don't agree on politics though he was raised republican and I democrat. I think it makes it fun to discuss it but I am not really to big into politics.

It works out though because like I said we are so much alike on what is important to us, just all depends on your values.

lindseyann410 · February 2012

We share most of the same ideas on major life topics.

When we have children, we are going to teach them them that people have different views on politics and religion. We aren't going to force a particular viewpoint on them. We will teach them what is out there, and then let them decide for themselves. Obviously, we would keep it age appropriate, but we think it's important to encourage independent thinking.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

FI and I agree on most major things (except politics). We most likely won't raise our kids in the church because I don't believe in some of their teachings. I believe marriage can be between a man and a woman, woman and woman, or man and man. I see nothing wrong with birth control, death penatly, abortion, etc. Neither one of us are very religious and our political views don't cause any problems.

Edited: Spelling

mrspatnou · February 2012

I agree with PP. We typically agree and if we dont, nbd. We are all human and have that right.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

My post disappeared but may show back up. Basically FI and I agree on a lot of things and what we don't isn't huge. We will most likely not raise our kids in the church because I don't believe in all of the teachings. I'm pro gay marriage, pro choice, pro death penalty, for birth control, etc. I want my kids to be open to the different ideas and would like to teach them my views as well (not just be taught the church's)

Shelly527IN · February 2012

We agree on all the major areas listed. I don't think I could date, much less, marry someone that did not agree with me on those things. We don't always completely agree on politics---FI is more into them than I am (and more knowledgable). We've gone almost 4 years and never had an arguement over ANYTHING. We are very similar in thinking. The one way we are differnt is that I was raised Baptist and he was raised Catholic. He is not a practicing Catholic and has in fact been faithfully attending church with me. I could not have dated him if he was active in the Catholic church. Religion is a key part of my life and I'm Baptist through and through. For me, converting to Catholism would be like having gender reassignment---I just could not even consider it. (No offense to Catholics! My own father was raised Catholic and only became Baptist after his mother died). Thankfully, he understands this and enjoys my church.

Our children will be raised in church and taught the lessons of the Bible.

doeie04 · February 2012

Thanks for all of your posts! I was thinking about it today and was wondering if there were any others on here that were in the same situation.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_nwr-dealing-with-different-opinions-on-bigger-subjects?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:22dd8017-f7ee-466d-b0f8-bb76d837291cPost:417e16a8-c151-4fe2-a685-c98f5525e5ae">Re: NWR: Dealing with different opinions on bigger subjects.</a>:
[QUOTE]We agree on all the big stuff, I honestly can't remember an argument we've ever has on the "big picture" conversations. However I grew up with parents who had very different beliefs/opinions. My father is a strict Catholic, my mother converted for him but she was pretty lax on the rules. My father is very conservative, my mother's a moderate liberal.<strong> My mother always just explained what her opinion was, that it was different than my father's and left it up to me decide what my own opinion was. My mother made most of the decisions in our family, but the few things that my father put his foot down about, she usually gave in since he did it so infrequently. As far as how they dealt with each other, they just seem to agree to disagree and leave it at that.</strong>
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what our plan is. How did it work out for your parents? For you? I was just curious if it actually is doable or just a good plan in theory.

melntaitt · February 2012

We agree on all those things and agreed that although we aren't even a little religious we would like our children to have the option of exploring religion if it's what they want.

We disagree very little on major issues - just the little stuff and we can laugh that off before an argument even ensues. I think we're just too laid back for the issues that affect alot of people.

Our biggest difference is how we spend money - we both agree to keep finances separate and have the family bills account. I think if we combined our money we would start fighting - an unfortunate but true fact and we're both in agreement to just leave it alone because this works for us.

chelseakopperud · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_nwr-dealing-with-different-opinions-on-bigger-subjects?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:22dd8017-f7ee-466d-b0f8-bb76d837291cPost:4a3a25d6-7005-4c82-9064-d575fe2581ac">Re: NWR: Dealing with different opinions on bigger subjects.</a>:
[QUOTE]We have the same views. We will teach our children values and morals from the Bible.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

midgetthemighty · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_nwr-dealing-with-different-opinions-on-bigger-subjects?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:22dd8017-f7ee-466d-b0f8-bb76d837291cPost:4a3a25d6-7005-4c82-9064-d575fe2581ac">Re: NWR: Dealing with different opinions on bigger subjects.</a>:
[QUOTE]We have the same views. We will teach our children values and morals from the Bible.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

Yup yup. This! When we disagree, it's really miniscule points that really don't matter.

daria24 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_nwr-dealing-with-different-opinions-on-bigger-subjects?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:22dd8017-f7ee-466d-b0f8-bb76d837291cPost:26e99eba-7084-41bb-aab8-890173093edf">Re: NWR: Dealing with different opinions on bigger subjects.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all of your posts! I was thinking about it today and was wondering if there were any others on here that were in the same situation. In Response to Re: NWR: Dealing with different opinions on bigger subjects. : This is exactly what our plan is. How did it work out for your parents? For you? I was just curious if it actually is doable or just a good plan in theory.
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

Sorry I just saw your question-I feel it did work for our family, mostly because my mother never presented it as "I'm right, your father is wrong." she always made sure to give a fairly balanced argument for both sides and didn't try to persuade me to believe her side over my fathers. I always knew she respected my father, which I think is the key.

Of course my father is a strict conservative Catholic, my mother's a moderate Christian, and I turned into a militant atheist. So maybe it didn't work the way my parents intended ;)

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