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BM gift suggestions/vent

Happily9Happily9 member
Knottie Warrior 500 Comments
in New York
Ok, here's the situation...I was on the phone with on of my BM tonight (FSIL), and she kinda stongly hinted that she thought I should buy the girls shoes (it was on her list of "things to ask me"-even though I've already said that I don't care what color or style they chose.  Then she procedeed to mention how she had bought her girls shoes....blah, blah, blah.  Anyway, I am pretty sure there is some golden etiquette rule out there that states "don't buy your girls anything you expect them to wear on your wedding day as a gift".  So my intention was to shop for them like a regular birthday present (some things the same between girls and some things individualized) and buy them wedding day jewelry-even though it's a no-no!  Now I feel like I should take some sort of poll and see if everyone has bought them yet and offer to buy the shoes.  Am I overthinking this or should I just ignore the comments and move on?  HELP! (Please)

And as a seperate, but related question has anyone ever bought or received a diamond candle before?  Thinking these will also be a cute gift!
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Re: BM gift suggestions/vent

  • rsfan23rsfan23 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You're overthinking it. Go with your gut and shop for them like a birthday or Christmas.  If you want to get them all jewelry for the wedding, that's fine, but I'd also get them each something more personal too.

    I got my girls personalized heart shaped jewelry boxes and Bath & Body works stuff that was the same, then I varied what I got all of them. Two girls got cookbooks (different) one got a makeup bag, one got a lunch bag, one got a scarf and another a travel coffee mug. I got my MOH a little extra and got her a really pretty necklace that she doesn't have to wear at the wedding.

    Hope this helps! Smile
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  • lornarose07lornarose07
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI has this really fabulous expression that he uses in a multitude of settings, and it might be appropriate here if she brings it up to you again. For example: FSIL: "i just think it would be nice for all of us to having matching shoes! I mean, thats what i did for my girls when i got married and I was hoping/just thought you would do the same!" You: "sounds like a personal problem." This phrase gets people to STFU so quickly its hysterical. That all being said, just stand firm and nice about it. You arent requirin matching shoes, so if the girls would like to get new ones theyre more than welcome to do so, but you'd rather spend your money on something special and personal. If she pushes and says "well i would reeeeeally like some shoes for the wedding!" you can tell her thanks for the hint but i want your present to be a surprise! Then get her socks.
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  • kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_bm-gift-suggestionsvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:ffdd1864-24a6-45f2-aa3e-eddb0210e7ddPost:2bde82c8-dd6d-4bc0-9af5-bc0fdd19382a">Re: BM gift suggestions/vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI has this really fabulous expression that he uses in a multitude of settings, and it might be appropriate here if she brings it up to you again. For example: FSIL: "i just think it would be nice for all of us to having matching shoes! I mean, thats what i did for my girls when i got married and I was hoping/just thought you would do the same!" You: "sounds like a personal problem." This phrase gets people to STFU so quickly its hysterical. That all being said, just stand firm and nice about it. You arent requirin matching shoes, so if the girls would like to get new ones theyre more than welcome to do so, but you'd rather spend your money on something special and personal. <strong>If she pushes and says "well i would reeeeeally like some shoes for the wedding!" you can tell her thanks for the hint but i want your present to be a surprise! Then get her socks.
    </strong>Posted by lornarose07[/QUOTE]

    Lorna, I swear I like you more with every post.  lol.  This is GREAT!!!

    Kadell, go with your gut.  You can buy them any kind of gift you want.  I personally would never buy even my very best friend a pair of shoes... they are so difficult to shop for (proper fit, comfort, etc)... no way.

    It is proper etiquette to not consider WP attire/accessories to be a gift... especially if you are requiring them to wear it.  If you are dictating what they should wear (or how they do their hair/makeup for that matter, too)... then you should pay.... but it is still not really a "gift"... more like a uniform item.  If you are leaving their shoe choice (hair, makeup, jewelry, etc) up to them... they buy them. 

    She should not be asking for, hinting at, discussing gifts with you period.  It's really quite rude.  Good luck!
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  • JN382JN382
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't over analyze it! I think what you're doing sounds really nice and well thought out.

    I definitely don't think it's required to buy their shoes unless you are requiring them to wear specifics ones, which you aren't! I'm also one of those people that believes that no one is looking at what BM's are wearing on their feet anyway, so why make it a big deal (off the subject kind of).

    I'm planning on doing the same thing you are, getting them each personalized gifts which includes jewelry and if they want to wear it on the day of, great, if not, great. It's meant to be a thank you "for being by my side and being a great friend/sister, etc."

    We're not up to shoes yet, but because of the dress color, I'm probably just going to have them wear black shoes of their choosing. I think most women already own a black strappy shoe of some kind(?), but that remains to be seen. 

    When all else fails, go with the response from PP!!!! love it!
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  • sbolger17sbolger17 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Agree with everyone else -- just ignore FSIL's hints.  Since you're not requiring certain shoes, you are under no obligation to buy shoes for them!  For my girls, I said strappy, silver heels and everyone found some if they didn't already have them -- my MOH got hers at Payless!

    I haven't heard of a diamond candle, but I'm intrigued...
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  • DondadaTimes2DondadaTimes2
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yup I agree with everyone else. Ignore her comment and buy them what you want to buy them! If she brings it up again I would simply tell her "Its great that you did that for your wedding, but this is my wedding and I'm not buying you girls shoes. Im basically giving you free rein, so if you need to shop at payless for a cheap pair, be my guest."

    I bought my girls matching bracelets to wear for the wedding (oh no!) and a personalized hanger. For my 2 MOHs I also bought a picture frame engraved "Maid (Matron) of Honor Once, Sisters for a Lifetime"

    Dont be bullied by someone pushing their wedding on you. They had their turn, this is yours. Do with it what YOU want!

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  • MelissaC315MelissaC315 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_bm-gift-suggestionsvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:ffdd1864-24a6-45f2-aa3e-eddb0210e7ddPost:0408d969-d292-46ed-9ce6-dcd965df8ed4">Re: BM gift suggestions/vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yup I agree with everyone else. Ignore her comment and buy them what you want to buy them! If she brings it up again I would simply tell her "Its great that you did that for your wedding, but this is my wedding and I'm not buying you girls shoes. Im basically giving you free rein, so if you need to shop at payless for a cheap pair, be my guest." I bought my girls matching bracelets to wear for the wedding (oh no!) and a personalized hanger. For my 2 MOHs I also bought a picture frame engraved "Maid (Matron) of Honor Once, Sisters for a Lifetime" Dont be bullied by someone pushing their wedding on you. They had their turn, this is yours. Do with it what YOU want!
    Posted by DondadaTimes2[/QUOTE]

    ^ This. haha this is exactly what I was going to say. Don't feel like you have to follow her suggestion. Your original plan sounds great.. I'd stick with that.
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  • Happily9Happily9 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Thanks everyone!  I guess this stress is really starting to wear on me!  Usually I would have the "I could care  less...it's your problem attitude", but lately I just second guess myself on everything.  Common sense has probably disappeared until after the wedding!

    Lorna...that response had me dying laughing!  Hmmm...cheap, gaudy socks...good idea...think I should ask shoe size first on that one????

    Sarah-They are candles that have a ring hidden in the wax. (worth either $10,  $100. $1000, or $5000 dollars or something like that).  Someone on one of the other boards had gotten them for their BMs. Hearing about them made me curious too and I wanted to see if anyone had ever given one as a gift or received one as a gift before. 

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  • MelissaC315MelissaC315 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_bm-gift-suggestionsvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:ffdd1864-24a6-45f2-aa3e-eddb0210e7ddPost:ff189773-96e8-4603-85c4-1ed05f1bf236">Re: BM gift suggestions/vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone!  I guess this stress is really starting to wear on me!  Usually I would have the "I could care  less...it's your problem attitude", but lately I just second guess myself on everything.  Common sense has probably disappeared until after the wedding! Lorna...that response had me dying laughing!  Hmmm...cheap, gaudy socks...good idea...think I should ask shoe size first on that one???? Sarah-<strong>They are candles that have a ring hidden in the wax. (worth either $100. $1000, or $5000 dollars or something like that</strong>).  Someone on one of the other boards had gotten them for their BMs. Hearing about them made me curious too and I wanted to see if anyone had ever given one as a gift or received one as a gift before. 
    Posted by ktobin0519[/QUOTE]

    Where did you find them? That is sooo cute.. I love that idea.
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  • Happily9Happily9 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Ooops...sorry...I better fix that...they are worth..$10, $100, $1000, or $5000, but I think if you google "diamond candles" they should be easy to find. 

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  • sbolger17sbolger17 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_bm-gift-suggestionsvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:ffdd1864-24a6-45f2-aa3e-eddb0210e7ddPost:9309792a-6ecd-4416-b5af-435a317dc5a7">Re: BM gift suggestions/vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ooops...sorry...I better fix that...they are worth..$10, $100, $1000, or $5000, but I think if you google "diamond candles" they should be easy to find. 
    Posted by ktobin0519[/QUOTE]

    That's awesome!  I got a $ candle for Christmas last year with the same concept except much smaller amounts!
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