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Outdoor Weddings
Andrealsuarez
member
Family actually laughed...feelings somewhat hurt
So my FI and I are hosting ($$ by ourselves) a very causal backyard wedding within our budget. I am having it catered, but I have to buy my own liquor and drinks. My FI's family has NEVER been to a causal wedding before let alone an outdoor wedding. So everytime I tell them oh we are doing this and that they actually laugh....in my face. Like i said I was having cupcakes which is very "in" right now....they laughed because iI was not having a traditional wedding cake. I told them I was going to have a tent incase of rain.....they laughed again in my face and said what if its down pouring and how I will have a terrible wedding that people will be talking about for years....again this is all to my face. I said it was buffet style again the laughter from now I have to wait on line for food. BUT my family nothing they all understand that wedding (when you have to do it on your own) are very expensive. They are happy and cannot wait to come and just enjoy the day for what we are actually getting together for and my FI's family thinks its the biggest joke....I use to just brush it off but now I am really becoming a bit upset. Has anyone eles had this issue?
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Re: Family actually laughed...feelings somewhat hurt
But really, maybe they could fork over some dough and help you out if your budget wedding is to "cheap" for them. Bah! I'd be pissy too. Agree with PP, just don't discuss it with them, and, if they bring it up and laugh, just flat out call them out on their sh!t, "I think its pretty rude that you're making a joke out of something I've put a lot of thought into." That's me though, I don't let people treat me like that.
i'm sure your wedding will be beautiful and you'll make them all eat their words.
Have they ever treated you like this in other areas of your life? Like maybe about your job? your family? personal views on hot topics?
I agree that's incredibly rude and I'm wondering, has you FI not stood up to them? He really should, this is his wedding too and they are laughing not just you but him too.
They sound like snobs.
There is no easy way to answer your question. I would talk to your FI and ask his opinion. Even hint that now is a good time for him to be your knight in shining armor (cuz most guys don't know WHEN you need that). Wouldn't it be great if he took care of the whole situation?! Just a hint to his family that he would appreciate it if they would be more considerate of both your feelings while you plan your special day and "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
FI's mom has been pretty clearly opposed to this style of wedding. We are cutting out many traditional things-- no wedding cake, flower girl/ring bearer, catered dinner, etc. Our feeling is that if it won't bring us significant joy on the day, we would rather put our money elsewhere. When FMIL has made comments about this, I "jokingly" replied that if she would like to take care of those parts, she is welcome to. She has taken me up on this offer for one or two things, and others she has just dropped. But in the end, it has helped me to be clear with her on what I want no input on, as well as ask if she would like to take charge of certain things...then maybe she can feel pride in her pieces and leave yours alone!
Good luck!
It has been said a lot here but it IS truly your day and your future husbands day. This is your marriage and thusly, it should begin with decision that you make.
That being said, if they continue to laugh, you could say something like, "I think these ideas are very US. However, if you feel like you would like to help us out, we would consider having a more traditional cake. Or if you would like to help pay for food, we could do a sit down dinner. At this point though, this is what our budget will allow for and WE are very happy with our decision."
I have found that in the planning of our wedding, people stop suggesting things when we talk about money. Money makes ppl a little uncomfortable and telling ppl how much things cost makes them more uncomfortable.
I am a "yes sir" person. However, in the process of planning our wedding, I have found a stronger voice and you have to do the same.
People have to see that it is not ok to make you, the Bride, feel bad or sad in any way. you very simply have to say, "STOP".
Best of luck to you.
I don't think these people realize how much they're hurting you when they chuckle. I would honestly laugh back and say something along the lines as, oh I'm glad you find it amusing that we're smart enough not to go into debt over a wedding day.
I have dealt with it a little bit, but not as much as I was expecting while planning an outdoor wedding on a budget. (I think one reason is because after being together for 9 years before getting engaged my go-to smart ass comment was always " we'll get married when someone cuts us a check for 30 grand, until then, we are fine doing what we're doing!!" As long as you and your finace' are on the same page about costs, I would try to take it with a grain of salt. But if it does continue, I would say something along the lines of, we are doing what makes us happy and we are comfortable spending so this is how it is going to be. When the day gets here it will all be about you and your new husband anyway! Good luck!
I wouldnt hint to him that I am upset I would straight up tell him how much this hurts your feelings. He needs to stand up to his family for you.
You can stop talking wedding with them. I have and whenever they ask I just give a vague answer .
Sorry thisis happening to you that is incredibly rude. If it was my family Id chew them out. But as I have learned when it is his family make sure the two of you are on the same page and have him deal with them .
Everyone had a blast! My Sister-in-law keeps telling me she LOVED my "Hamptons" like wedding which was on a farm in WI. We did everything - including cleaning out the cattle barn! It was so much fun. Check out some before and after pix. If you are paying for it, do what you want taht will make you and your hubby happy! Good luck all!
We are having a mix of traditional and off beat too for our wedding: ceremony will be in our backyard (as I really want an outdoor ceremony) with pre-recorded music. If people have anything negative to say, they have kept it to themsleves.
Just focus on you...and your fiancee. Your wedding shouldn't be about them...esp if they aren't fitting the bill whatsoever. I know it's hard...but this isn't a show to impress everyone...it's a day about what YOU and your future HUSBAND want. Honestly, they will probably forget about it in a couple years...you will have these memories for the rest of your life. When I was talking to one of my bridesmaids about my problems similar to this with my own family she said, " Everyone is entitled to their opinion, including you. It's YOUR friggin wedding. I dont care if you have beanie weenies and tater tot casserole in a rundown trailer. Thats not the point. The point is it's your day and its a celebration for the two of YOU. So try not to stress out or let your family get to you. Don't let them suck the fun out of your experience. You only do this once, right? "
It will all work out, and I'm sure you will be beautiful!!!