Wedding Ceremony OPTIONAL

kmoff1281 · April 2010

Our reception hall is about 45 minutes from the ceremony, which is at the beach. There is also limited parking and limited capacity. We are offering complimentary transportation from the reception hall, to and from the beach, and want to strongly encourage it. We also want to give people the option of just attending the reception. I'm assuming some guests won't want to go to the beach and would rather just attend the reception, but I don't want to come across as being rude or make them feel like they have to. I'm just not sure how to word the invitation and response card. What is the etiquette behind this? Help!

kikibaby · April 2010

I would think all of your guests would want to go to the ceremony. I can't imagine attending a wedding only to go to the reception.

I don't think I'd give that option (not attending the ceremony). I mean, if they choose not to, so be it, but I wouldn't make it a choice I gave them.

danieliza1127 · April 2010

Definitely don't do that. There is no assumption that the ceremony or reception is mandatory anyway, so you certainly don't need to tell people that it's not. If you put something like that on or in the invitation, as a guest, I would assume that means you don't want me to come to the ceremony and are just inviting me out of obligation. Just do the invitation and let the guests decide whether they want to attend both or just one or the other.

ZRex · April 2010

Wow, I feel like this is the opposite of most people who are always asking about whether they can limit attendance at the ceremony. I think I'd probably just leave it, because I can't think of a way to say "You don't HAVE to come to the ceremony" without making it seem like you might not want them there. Maybe you can put something on your website that says, "We'd love to have everyone at the ceremony, but we completely understand that it's a bit of a trek for some of you."

lyndausvi · April 2010

I had an FYI card in the invite that included transportation information.

As far as the 'ceremony' optional. I would just spread it via word of mouth. Depending on my relationship with you I might not want to drive 1.5 round trip just to see a 15 minute ceremony.

Calypso1977 · April 2010

the ceremony and reception are both optional. no need to tell guests this.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-optional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0f374d9-e26c-42e1-9fc4-2d38e8c70db5Post:8d415778-e741-4c60-ba0b-d4ffff8a8b87">Wedding Ceremony OPTIONAL</a>:
[QUOTE]Our reception hall is about 45 minutes from the ceremony, which is at the beach. There is also limited parking and limited capacity. We are offering complimentary transportation from the reception hall, to and from the beach, and want to strongly encourage it. We also want to give people the option of just attending the reception. I'm assuming some guests won't want to go to the beach and would rather just attend the reception, but I don't want to come across as being rude or make them feel like they have to. I'm just not sure how to word the invitation and response card. What is the etiquette behind this? Help!
Posted by kmoff1281[/QUOTE]

Ditto Dani. Just let the guests make the call.

lharri12 · April 2010

Agree with PP. Invite them to both. They know that they don't HAVE to come to both, and inviting them is not "pressuring" them to be there. Telling them that the ceremony is optional makes it sound like you don't really want them there.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-ceremony-optional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e0f374d9-e26c-42e1-9fc4-2d38e8c70db5Post:6a9812ed-8d54-4bda-8287-7e3c2a5bd39c">Re: Wedding Ceremony OPTIONAL</a>:
[QUOTE]Telling them that the ceremony is optional makes it sound like you don't really want them there.
Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]
Exactly - it could be received opposite of your intention.

kmoff1281 · April 2010

Wow. Thanks for the quick feedback! Sounds like you're all in agreement. I'll definitely go with your advice!

flutgrl1 · April 2010

if I could skip ceremonies I totally would but I have no idea how you would spread this...unless you only invite a small number to ceremony and the larger number to reception. (i love this option)

rad3585 · April 2010

I've seen response cards that say something like "___will attend the ceremony," "___ will attend the reception" and "____ will not attend" which implies that they can skip one portion of the wedding...

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