Siblings In Bridal Party?

DJennys · January 2012

I was not aware, until my slightly-horrifed mother informed me, that it is "customary" to ask each other's siblings to be in the bridal party. My fiance and I thought (wrongly apparently) that the point of the wedding party was to choose our nearest and dearest friends that we would like to recognize in a special place at our wedding. While we love our families, we're not particularly close to each other's siblings. My MOH was also suprised my brother has not been invited to be a groomsman, and I have just found out that my fiance's sister wants me to invite her to be a bridesmaid. To make matter worse, the same sister insists we make her daughter a flower girl. While I LOVE my niece, i think she is slightly too young for that role. She is six months, and will probably be a year and a half old by the time of the wedding.

I pictured a simple wedding party of two attendants each, none of whom were asked out of obligation. But the last thing I want surrounding my wedding is hurt feelings.

HELP!?

ininmdma · January 2012

I don't think you should ask siblings to be in your bridal party just for the sake of them being there. If you're not close, it seems silly to have extra people up there. Have them in other roles, like as ushers, or possibly in charge of handing out programs; that way they're still involved, but don't have to be standing up there with you when you say your vows.

mandctaft · January 2012

DO NOT ASK BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID YOU SHOULD! I asked my sister to be a BM and one of my brothers to be a GM (with FI's ok) but that wasn't enough because then 2 of my other brothers felt left out and my dad and stepmom insisted that LittleBro1 should be chosen as a GM. Well that only left one brother that wasn't and its not fair that he be the only one not asked, so now i have 3 bro and my sis in my WP. But since I've asked, LittleBro! can't pay for his tux(17 & dropped out of HS w/ no job) so I'm going to have to pull the extra money out of thin air for that because my stepmom said she doesn't feel she should have to pay for it even after saying I needed to ask LittleBro1. Its not worth the trouble. Just explain that you are keeping the wedding party small and that's that. You don't HAVE to have anyone in the WP you don't necessarily want there.

ShadowCutter · January 2012

I'm pretty sure it's customary to ask whoever you want to be in the bridal party, generally your closest friends. If my DF wants his brother to be a groomsman that's fine with me, and I'll probably have my sister as a bridesmaid, but I'm not close to his siblings and he's not close to mine, so having his sister and my brother in the bridal party doesn't make sense to me. They can have some other positions. And a year and a half is way too young to have a job in the wedding. She'd still be a baby and I've never heard of a baby flower girl. That's totally unreasonable.

raelionheart · January 2012

I'm not. My mom seems to think that I ought to ask my two older brothers to be groomsmen, but it just seems silly to me. First of all, they're not the types that would want to have to stand up there. We're not very close at all. and if we add all our siblings that either means we can't have friends up there or we have a HUGE wedding party(with a huge expense to go with it no doubt).

If it were reversed I would NEVER expect my brother's fiance to invite me to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn't even know her, why should she have me instead of a friend? It doesn't make sense.

melntaitt · January 2012

Yeah; I don't know about that...

I haven't asked any of my sisters; my cousin is my MOH, and my FI's brother is the BM.

The flower girls are his cousins' two daughters and the ring bearer is my MOH's son.

That's it; and I warned my parents long ago that I love my sisters but we aren't that close. We aren't even friends on Facebook. It wasn't going to happen...

AurorasEnvy · January 2012

I'd say it is more "common" than "customary". A lot of people do it, but you certainly don't HAVE to if you guys don't want to. If you have a vision for your small wedding party, then go with it - the less BM and GM you have, the easier it is. (Spend a day or two on the Wedding Party board if you need some convincing).

If you haven't asked your brothers or his sisters, keeping it uniform across the board without either of them would probably be the best thing. If you guys are close to your own siblings, maybe you could ask your brothers to stand up on your side and FI could ask his sister to stand up on his side?

Otherwise, I'd discuss the issue with your FI, make a final decision, and stick to it.

I agree that 1.5 years old is too young to be a flower girl. I'd reinterate this to your FSIL and tell her you prefer to not have childen in the wedding. We are not having any kids in our wedding, problem solved and less stress the day of!

MyNameIsNot · January 2012

Your mother is mistaken. The only reason siblings are often in the WP is because people are often very close to their siblings.

If you are close to your brother, you should ask him to stand on your side. If your FI is close to your brother, he should ask him to stand on his side. If neither of you are close to your brother, he should attend as a guest. The same goes for his sister.

Thank your mother for her imput, and let her know you are comfortable with the WP as is.

jemmini6 · January 2012

You are right, your mom is wrong. You choose your BP based on who is nearest and dearest to you, and you each choose your own. If your FI wants to include your brothers in his BP because he's close to them, then he can. If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having them either stand on your side, be ushers, or not involved at all.

kipnus · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_siblings-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:45e3bbb8-12fd-4bb9-9605-9ea7d7876e46Post:8da74fc9-26cf-42fa-a5c6-128ecc66c556">Re: Siblings In Bridal Party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your mother is mistaken. The only reason siblings are often in the WP is because people are often very close to their siblings. <strong>If you are close to your brother, you should ask him to stand on your side. If your FI is close to your brother, he should ask him to stand on his side. If neither of you are close to your brother, he should attend as a guest. The same goes for his sister.</strong> Thank your mother for her imput, and let her know you are comfortable with the WP as is. Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Agreed. I'm having my four siblings stand up on my side--two sisters and two brothers.

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legallaura · January 2012

Its your choice who you want in the wedding. However, if you feel its going to cause MAJOR family drama if you don't then you might want to consider that. The wedding will be a few hours of your life together but your family will be there for the rest of your lives. As far as the flower girl though, THAT IS WAY TOO YOUNG. The church we are getting married at doesnt even allow children attendants under the age of 4 to be in the wedding. You are more than welcome to fib a little and use that excuse if you need to

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IllusionsDepths · February 2012

My fiance and I are having siblings in the wedding party. Me because I'm close with my younger sis and he because he doesnt have any friends who he is closer with than his brother and cousin. My brother is also to help even it out. We have 2 bridesmaids, 2 groomsman, 1 ea MOH and Best Man. I don't think you should have your siblings in the wedding party unless you are close with them. It causes a headache and quite possibly fighting amongst the family.

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