phobia ruining my big day

ansanna · August 2012

so, here it goes. I have a phobia of bees. not a fear, a phobia. my ceremony is going to be outside for a half hour then move to the reception which is inside. we actually contemplated not having the wedding in may and having it earlier in the year as well as tossed up the idea of fake flowers. I didn't want to sacrifice the month that I wanted, and I didn't want to give up my delicate live flowers. however as soon as I see a bee I start to get jittery, and if it looks like it's coming in my direction I freak out and run as far as I can. it can be quite hilarious in public places but I'm not looking to have that happen on my wedding day. on the plus side my wedding is on a peninsula on the lake, which has no flowers on it and there are no flowers nearby.. So, I'm hoping that means they won't be around. is there anything that you can do to stop bees from coming around? this is probably a long shot, seeing as though if there was something I'm sure my house would be surrounded with it.. but just thought that I would ask. thank you so much in advance!

kmmssg · August 2012

I don't want to sound mean or anything, but if you have a phobia of bees, why plan an outdoor wedding in May? I really do believe you that this is a phobia but why not just have an indoor wedding or have a Fall outdoor wedding?

ansanna · August 2012

I really wanted to have an outdoor wedding. I don't choose to not go outside/hiking/camping because of bees, usually I just run far far away from them if I see them. I love my venue and it's extremely affordable, much cheaper than any indoor venue in the area as well... Was just looking for some way to try to keep them away if possible.. I do plan on not wearing perfume. As for the fall, I always wanted a may wedding and spring is my favorite season.. Don't really want a fall wedding and my cousin is getting married in the fall.

Avion22 · August 2012

Um, won't you be CARRYING flowers? And your bridesmaids? And won't your groom and groomsmen be carrying them? Even if they are fake flowers, bees are still attracted to bright colors (especially when they look just like flowers).

Yeah, if you bee phobia, you can either A) seek therapy to try to get past it so you don't go running off on your wedding day,

move your ceremony indoors, or C) take your chances.

ansanna · August 2012

I'm aware of all of those things, like I said before I still plan on having it out doors and carrying live flowers. I'm just looking for if anyone knows if there is a spray or something to help keep them away. If there isn't that is fine, but there is no harm in me asking if anyone knows of anything. So far I have been told to not wear perfume, not a lot of hair spray, someone suggested placing an open can of cat food near by, yet away from the ceremony place, apparently it attacks yellow jackets and possibly other bees/wasps and keeps them away from the ceremony area. I do plan on taking my chances, but all I was looking for is if anyone knows of something I can buy that will help keep them away.

Avion22 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_outdoor-weddings_phobia-ruining-my-big-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:666Discussion:cd5c8818-f1b8-41d5-938b-267322ccc9cfPost:6c364ab9-121d-455f-b273-52feb3090abf">Re:phobia ruining my big day</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm aware of all of those things, like I said before I still plan on having it out doors and carrying live flowers. I'm just looking for if anyone knows if there is a spray or something to help keep them away. If there isn't that is fine, but there is no harm in me asking if anyone knows of anything. So far I have been told to not wear perfume, not a lot of hair spray, someone suggested placing an open can of cat food near by, yet away from the ceremony place, apparently it attacks yellow jackets and possibly other bees/wasps and keeps them away from the ceremony area. I do plan on taking my chances, but all I was looking for is if anyone knows of something I can buy that will help keep them away.
Posted by Wynter010Beauty[/QUOTE]

<div>Therapy. Seriously, exposure therapry can be very effective for stuff like this. Some therapists who specialize in this can ease a phobia in a matter of hours. That way you won't have to worry about your guests wearing perfume or hairspray, and you won't have to worry about your phobia anymore. I'm not trying to be snarky. It's worth looking into.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't know of any sprays or anything else that would keep bees away. </div>

ansanna · August 2012

Thanks, I don't know if I can bring myself to exposure therapy.. The thought of someone purposely putting bees on me freaks me the f out... But thank you for your input.

MissBehavinJess · August 2012

I'm a beekeeper so maybe I can help you put your fears to rest.....First off, are you allergic to bee stings? Honeybees are the bees that work flowers (and may be attracted to perfume). Honeybees are peaceful. They don't search you out and try to attack you. I walk through bees constantly and unless you are trying to get into their hive to steal honey or you are swatting at them they don't sting you. If by chance you ever do get stung (as long as you aren't allergic) it will sting for about 30 seconds and then you might wake up in the night with that spot itching. Unless you are allergic there will be no major swelling. It's really not that bad. I had never been stung by anything my whole life until I started beekeeping.

Regardless of what people may say even killer bees don't just come looking for you. Bees keep to themselves and as long as you don't go messing with them or going after them you will be fine.

We use pine straw smoke to calm and make the bees move but I highly doubt you want that at your wedding.

Spunky414 · August 2012

I vaguely remember someone on here talked about having the her outdoor ceremony area sprayed for bugs, that could be a possibility. Other than that I'd have someone walk around the area a week or so before the wedding and see if it's even an issue or if there are any hives nearby.

kelleywill · August 2012

I agree have somone check for nest and do a walk though. Also look for bee pollanated flowers. Bright colors and a landing pattern like lilys have. I would double check and see if any of your flowers you will be carrying are bee pollanated just in case. And if you use more butterfly and mouth pollanted plants it might reduce the amount of other insects near by. They do give off a slightly mustly smell but no bees. Oh and if i remember right sweet smells may attrach them.

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_outdoor-weddings_phobia-ruining-my-big-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:666Discussion:cd5c8818-f1b8-41d5-938b-267322ccc9cfPost:0f4964ea-889e-46d5-815d-8d2b67111018">Re:phobia ruining my big day</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, I don't know if I can bring myself to exposure therapy.. The thought of someone purposely putting bees on me freaks me the f out... But thank you for your input.
Posted by Wynter010Beauty[/QUOTE]

I agree with exposure therapy. I promise that it doesn't start with people putting bees on you! It's not like that!

I have a vomiting phobia. I sought treatment in May for it. Once a week for six weeks and I'm in really good shape now. Not perfect, but I don't run when people throw up. Wouldn't it be far easier to be able to stand during your ceremony and KNOW you'll be okay?

I know how horrible and limiting phobias can be. I know how a body reacts to a phobia. I know how scary exposure therapy sounds. I bet you even that one session would calm your fears and leave you standing stong on your wedding day.

jcrmc · August 2012

Sweet flowers will attract bees, as will bright colours. Blues tend to NOT attract them, as blue appears to be water to bees.

Maybe try having a few bee traps set far away from your vow exchange spot? Lure them away from you and towards some honey water in a wasp trap?

ansanna · August 2012

Thank you all so much! I have a good amount of ideas now, wont be spraying to kill bees though as I know that the honey bee is endangered... And they are beneficial insects. Our flowers are anemones, orange ranunculus, green hydrangea, orange and green spray roses and plumosa fern. I'll do some research into the flowers and consider looking into therapy.. Honestly I'm fine with running away from bees any other day, I just foresee myself jumping into the lake that day! I did however almost cause a serious accident because there was a wasp in the car with me.. So it's probably better in the long run but it'll take some courage to embark on exposure therapy. Thanks again girls

JoanE2012 · August 2012

OP - My first thought upon reading your post was, why in the world are you having the ceremony outside if you have such a phobia? Do you have a nice indoor space you can use?

ansanna · August 2012

Simply put, I do not want to give up my dream wedding just because I'm afraid of bees.

Avion22 · August 2012

Forgot to mention that some exposure therapy also involves hypnosis. It's worth looking into. And if you're motivated by wanting to have the wedding ceremony of your dreams, then you may have more success.

JoanE2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_outdoor-weddings_phobia-ruining-my-big-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:666Discussion:cd5c8818-f1b8-41d5-938b-267322ccc9cfPost:83fe0759-5d7c-43c9-ae0a-a4d5783a960b">Re:phobia ruining my big day</a>:
[QUOTE]Simply put, I do not want to give up my dream wedding just because I'm afraid of bees.
Posted by Wynter010Beauty[/QUOTE]

Ok, well then I highly suggest as other PPs mentioned seeking therapy. You have some time before the wedding to see if it helps you. If not, you need to really think about what's more important.

If you have your ceremony outdoors, will you be nervous and or stressed at what could happen leading up to the ceremony? Are you going to be constantly looking around for bees? Will you be able to enjoy the ceremony? And if you see a bee, it's going to make for an awkward and funny interruption in the ceremony. Would you want that? Or would you want a ceremony indoors that, although it may not be your dream, would take away all your worry.

Personally, if it were me, I don't there to be any chance to be remembered as the wedding where the girl ran away in the middle of my ceremony.

reppunzel · August 2012

I would add to the suggestions regarding exposure therapy. I've done it myself with some "triggers" from an extremely traumatic event where I was almost killed. It's not at all like the "My Extreme ... Phobia" shows you see on TV where they rush people through a really, really intensive process. Your first session, for example, might include visualizing yourself on your wedding day, seeing a bee and NOT running and jumping in the lake.

You and your counselor could talk over what your other options for dealing with an univited bee might be.

Eriksonian hypnosis would be something else to look into (it's not the swinging-watch "you are getting sleepy" stuff that you usually think of with hypnosis).

Congratulations on not letting your fear control your wedding plans; your phobia doesn't have to control your actions that day, either.

OurMrsReynolds · August 2012

Bravo for you on not letting your phobia ruin your vision and your big day. You already have a great start and light colors repel bees so if you are wearing white you are ahead of the game. You might want to try and include lemongrass, peppermint, or citronella in your flowers as they repell bees as well. If you can swing it in the budget and it is allowed by the site you can have a professional come out a few days before and look for hives. If there are any near there are nontoxic ways to keep you bee free that are even safe for the bees. Good Luck!

crystynhoke · August 2012

Try hypnosis!

Blodwyn727 · August 2012

Ok - now I'm freaked out about bees - I didn't even think about it! I won't say its a phobia, but ugh, just the thought... and my ceremony is next to an orange grove...

danielm18 · September 2012

I hear lemons al cloves work wonders on keeping bugs away, I'm just not sure about bees in particular. Here's a link to a webitewhere i found the idea. http://www.creativetimeforme.com/2011/08/fridays-tip-of-day-episode-227.html

junegirl1973 · September 2012

Just try to remember that bees, wasps, yellow jackets, etc. won't normally sting unless they are provoked. If one is in the area, it's best to just sit/stand still until it finds something more interesting.

I have heard that dryer sheets can keep bees away, but I don't know if you'd want that as part of your decor! :-)

Hopefully you'll be so enamored with your hubby-to-bee (sorry, bad play on words), that you won't even notice if a bee buzzes by!

Good luck!

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