FSIL as bridesmaids?

Creyo · January 2012

Hi! Sorry if this is long and run on sentances.

I assumed my fi wanted his sisters to be bridesmaids, but I asked him last night if he wanted to ask them or if he wanted me to ask them (I've only met one once and not met the other at all since they're both from out of state). He said he thought I should have girls I knew be the bridesmaids since he was picking his friends for the groomsmen and only one would be his brother. (he has two brothers, but he only gets along w. one) I think it's a nice gesture to ask his sisters, but I would really like to have more people in the wedding party I know. Besides my out of state cousin, right now I'll k now my friend and my brother on the grooms side.

Also, my mom wants us to have about 4 people on each side (people keep saying it doesn't matter how many bridesmaids and groomsmen we have, but mom is paying and I don't want to fight with her about it) and he already has 4 before counting my brother. I can't put my brother on the bridesmaid side b/c of situations that would make it embarrising for him or I would.

My one friend is so busy I haven't even been able to ask her to be a bridesmaid since she is so busy. (i'm thinking about asking someone else anyways to be bridesmaid so that she isn't overwhelmed w/ having to be a bridesmaid on top of her already busy life. I don't want her to feel obligated to do it if she is busy already)

zitiqueen · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-bridesdmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:813b5a0a-53db-452e-9301-2fccd7e14549Post:7942c7ab-01e9-4a4d-8724-fb53f1e4729b">FSIL as bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! Sorry if this is long and run on sentances. I assumed my fi wanted his sisters to be bridesmaids, but I asked him last night if he wanted to ask them or if he wanted me to ask them (I've only met one once and not met the other at all since they're both from out of state). He said he thought I should have girls I knew be the bridesmaids since he was picking his friends for the groomsmen and only one would be his brother. (he has two brothers, but he only gets along w. one) I think it's a nice gesture to ask his sisters, but I would really like to have more people in the wedding party I know. Besides my out of state cousin, right now I'll k now my friend and my brother on the grooms side. Also, my mom wants us to have about 4 people on each side (people keep saying it doesn't matter how many bridesmaids and groomsmen we have, but mom is paying and I don't want to fight with her about it) and he already has 4 before counting my brother.<strong> I can't put my brother on the bridesmaid side b/c of situations that would make it embarrising for him or I would.</strong> My one friend is so busy I haven't even been able to ask her to be a bridesmaid since she is so busy. (i'm thinking about asking someone else anyways to be bridesmaid so that she isn't overwhelmed w/ having to be a bridesmaid on top of her already busy life. I don't want her to feel obligated to do it if she is busy already)
Posted by Creyo[/QUOTE]

What situations would make it embarrasing for him?

Creyo · January 2012

It's personal reasons for him. I don't really even feel comfortable on here sharing them since its not my situation to tell.

Either way, the main question is should I ask fsil's to be bridesmaids do you think?

AutumnFair · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-bridesdmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:813b5a0a-53db-452e-9301-2fccd7e14549Post:7942c7ab-01e9-4a4d-8724-fb53f1e4729b">FSIL as bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! Sorry if this is long and run on sentances. I assumed my fi wanted his sisters to be bridesmaids, but I asked him last night if he wanted to ask them or if he wanted me to ask them (I've only met one once and not met the other at all since they're both from out of state). He said he thought I should have girls I knew be the bridesmaids since he was picking his friends for the groomsmen and only one would be his brother. (he has two brothers, but he only gets along w. one) I think it's a nice gesture to ask his sisters, but I would really like to have more people in the wedding party I know. Besides my out of state cousin, right now I'll k now my friend and my brother on the grooms side. <strong> Also, my mom wants us to have about 4 people on each side (people keep saying it doesn't matter how many bridesmaids and groomsmen we have, but mom is paying and I don't want to fight with her about it</strong>) and he already has 4 before counting my brother. I can't put my brother on the bridesmaid side b/c of situations that would make it embarrising for him or I would. <strong>My one friend is so busy I haven't even been able to ask her to be a bridesmaid since she is so busy. (i'm thinking about asking someone else anyways to be bridesmaid so that she isn't overwhelmed w/ having to be a bridesmaid on top of her already busy life. I don't want her to feel obligated to do it if she is busy already)</strong>
Posted by Creyo[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1. When it comes to parent's paying, I think the WP should be off limits. You should be able pick whomever you want without worrying about numbers. Don't let your mom push you around with this situation. Also if she does try to push it, just let her know that your brother may not be a GM because you will not dictate who your FI chooses (just like he is respecting your side).
</div><div>2. The only thing your friend would really have to worry about is getting her dress (in which you should ask her individually her budget) and getting to your wedding that day, if she can do that then there shouldn't be a problem with making her a BM.</div><div>
</div><div>Now onto your FSILs. There is no right or wrong answer. If you don't want them as BMs then you don't have to. There are Brides that do have their FSILs because of various reasons be it trying to get a closer bond, keeping the peace if it's a huge deal to the other side, or they generally are pretty close to them. There are also Brides that do not have their FSILs for various reasons, just not that close, drama queens, FSIL are witches, etc. So really, give it a little more time for yourself to think it over with your WP, you don't have to officially decide until about 6-8 months out of your wedding date.</div><div>
</div><div>FYI, just to give you ideas of other roles your brother and his sisters can have in your wedding. Reader and Usher are also honors that can be given. Just don't give them "jobs" like Personal Attendant, Guest Book/Greeter person, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck, this situation is always a tricky one for Brides.</div>

RaptorSLH · January 2012

I appreciate family diplomacy, but if your FI already feels comfortable excluding a brother, I don't see the harm in leaving off the sisters. In fact, inviting only a single brother might actually go over better than excluding only a single brother. FI knows his family best, so if he says to invite your friends, you're off the hook.

As for your brother, I won't ask for details, and I respect that you respect his feelings in the matter. Still, please keep in mind that unless the "situation" he's concerned about involves walking down the aisle, standing up front, and walking back down, it's probably an optional detail. He doesn't have to wear a dress, attend girls-only parties, buy you lingerie or strippers, or get changed with the girls. He doesn't have to carry a bouquet, attend your dress fittings, or bustle your dress. He doesn't have to get a mani-pedi with the girls, squeal over favors, or ohh over invitation fonts. You don't have to buy him a monogrammed tote bag/ make-up organizer. Serious medical or psychological limitations could be dealt with. Honestly, the only things that come to mind as being unavoidable are exceptionally obnoxious relationship drama with bridesmaids, or an exceptionally obnoxious homophobic relative.

divadancer11 · January 2012

I only have 1 of my FSIL's as a BM as I am very close to her and I brought up to FI if that were to cause a problem and if I should ask the other one anyway.....he said no so I didnt. Have who you want for your girls and he will have who he wants. This is how we did it even down to FG/RB....I picked the FG he picked the RB.
GL!!!!!

PhiSigFly · January 2012

I am not close to my FSIL (FI's sister in law), but she is in my WP. It was never a question about whether or not she would be. While we aren't close, she's going to be an aunt to my children one day and will be a part of my family for the rest of my life. Also, her husband, FI's brother, is the best man and her son is the ring bearer. I couldn't imagine her just sitting in the audience.

With that said, in your case, if your FI doesn't feel obligated to have his brother, then I wouldn't feel obligated to have his sister. If you want her (or if you need her to even out the sides

), then ask. If not, I don't think it's necessary.

AlmostMrsStrong · January 2012

I like FI's sisters, but I'm not close enough to them to ask them to be bridesmaids. Instead, we asked for their kids to be our RB and FG.

FSIL as bridesmaids?

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