My 2nd Wedding his First

Re: My 2nd Wedding his First

• mybooboos member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Congratulations on your engagement!!
  
  So, he wants the big wedding, without the cost, and you want a wedding that you don't need to plan - is that it?  If so, ask your FI what level of effort is he willing to spend in creating the wedding of his dreams?  Planning a wedding can be a bit time consuming, and at times stressful, and I would think more so if you're not invested in the planning.  If he's willing to do a good portion of the leg work and research, than that may resolve your planning issue.  In the process of him doing the researching, he may discover the cost involved, and may alter his decision on the type of wedding he wants, based on the finances available.
  
  A court ceremony (which can be in full "wedding attire"), with a lovely restaurant reception - with flowers, music, good food, toasts, etc, is a very feasible option.
  
  Good luck!

  Presentation is everything!!
  

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• cvancouyghen

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  THANK YOU!!!
  
  You are soooo right he does want the wedding without the cost and we all know that's impossible. I actually found and option that will allow for me to have minimal planning duties, and the cost is under five, but there again it brings the issue of his friends and family attending. I feel a little guilty that my family and friends are more likely to attend this "destination" wedding, however I don't want to tell my side that they can't attend or be involved. I'm stressing already and it's just the beginning stages of the planning. My issue with planning is the stress, however this time will be much much easier since the size of the wedding is substantially smaller than the first, I just had a bad go around last time with family politics etc. lol
  What is your opinion on incorporating my friend's spouses in the ceremony to even out his side? He is friends with these gentlemen just not close friends? I don't know what else to do.....

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• Marrin713 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  You don't need even sides.
  
  A destination wedding costs money too.  Sometimes more than something at home depending on where you go.  Do you mean that he won't pay for a "formal" wedding but will for something cheaper?  Then he can't have the formal wedding.  We had a very nice wedding for under $2500.  We went to courthouse for the civil ceremony and then had a heavy apps/hosted bar at a local golf club for about 50+ people.

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• cvancouyghen

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  He wanted the whole thing the church wedding, limo's and the formal reception etc. and realized that he and I could not afford it. So he suggested the destination wedding, so I found an option that could combine the two options and it is very reasonable, it includes the formal ceremony, reception, and honeymoon all in one in a place that is very special to both of us. Now the main issue is the participation by his friends and family as apposed to my family and friends' involvement due to the travel issue. I have suggested the court house option but he isn't for it. I think I'm gonna go with your origional idea and have him do the planning and let him take it from here....lol

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• MikesAngie member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  The sides of the bridal party don't have to be even, and the guest list doesn't have to be a 50-50 split (I would be in so much trouble if either of these were true). 
  
  Have the wedding you want and that you can afford.
  
  If his friends and family won't or can't travel then either the idea of a destination wedding needs to change, or you have the destination wedding and an at home reception.
  
  Congratulations!!

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• Sue-n-Kevin member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with everything the prior posters said.

  
  

  He basically has to decide between a modest but tasteful wedding celebration that has his friends and family in attendance, or spending the wad of money on a great destination wedding/honeymoon, with none of his "side" in attendance.
  
  I'm pretty mature for a first time bride (my fiance's 3rd marriage), and based on my experience, he'll probably feel a bit disappointed that there's no one there to celebrate for/with HIM besides you, your famliy & friends. My fiance has only ONE friend, I have several. His family is larger than mine (I'm an only child). Our sides are equal, but I know I'd feel pretty sh!tty if I had this great wedding ceremony and reception somewhere, and NO ONE could afford to attend except his side. That would truly suck.
  
  There has to be some middle ground here. Spend some time on your local board and read everyone's stories about great places to have weddings in your area within your budget. If you are not picky, then have a best friend or very close family member get ideas from you and plan it for you. They can be your "wedding coordinator". OR, spend $700 and hire a wedding coordinator......... give them your budget, an overview of both your "dream weddings" and see what they can pull together.
  
  Congrats, welcome, and good luck.

  Wedding Website and Bio

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• 2dBride member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with having him do the planning, if he's the one who wants it.  And that way, he has to figure out how to reconcile what he wants with what he is willing to pay for it.
  
  In particular, if he wants his friends there, it sounds like the wedding will have to be local, unless he wants to pay to subsidize their travel costs.  You could do a tiny destination wedding and then a larger at-home reception, but that would likely not save any money over just having the whole wedding locally.
  

  
  Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale

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• AbbeyS2011 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Is there a nice B n B within a reasonable distance of where you are?  Alot of them have wedding packages available - he can have the nice wedding and reception, but without all the planning nightmare, since alot of them are all-inclusive. 
  
  Another option would be on a boat or a yacht.  I had looked into that option when I was thinking of getting married in my hometown area in OR.  I found a package that included the cake, the food, flowers, etc., for an intimate wedding - all we had to basically do was show up! 
  
  One other idea would be to look in your general area for wedding "chapels".  Alot of them have specials too, especially around Valentine's Day.
  
  Just thought I would throw these ideas out to you.

  

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